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Old 08-20-2012, 03:27 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Pock89 View Post
What I meant by that is, when I was in active addiction before, my world was upside down, I was broken, and everything around me was broken. And for some reason, I thought that if I ever drank again, everything would fall apart. But when I did drink yesterday, it was fine. I didn't get arrested, I didn't go crazy and get into a big argument with a random person, I didn't black out.
I know I need to stay sober. Maybe this was just a slip up. I've already hit bottom, I don't want to do it again. But then of course, I sit here and think that because I'm not craving alcohol today, I can control it and this time will be different...

Chapter 3 BB....1st. Edition

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics.No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows.Therefore it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people.The idea that somehow,someday he will control his drinking is the great "OBSESSION" of every abnormal drinker.The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many persue it into the gates of "INSANITY"or death.

Last edited by CarolD; 08-20-2012 at 04:09 PM. Reason: Added mandatory SR Copy Write Guideline
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Old 08-20-2012, 03:47 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and a third time, till at length it becomes habitual." ~ Thomas Jefferson, August 19, 1785.

I did what you have done.... took me over 10 years to have really bad consequences....
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Old 08-20-2012, 03:49 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Pock - I agree with what most of the others said. I'm so glad you came here to discuss what's going on.

I was once sober for 3 yrs. I went on a date with someone who didn't know I was an alcoholic, and he ordered wine. I drank it - and many more. The next day I thought - "Well, I handled that - nothing bad happened." That was the beginning of a 7 year binge. I was drinking every day - my life was in shambles. Quitting that last time was so much harder than the first time. I barely made it out of hell. So please be careful. We care about you.
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Old 08-20-2012, 05:42 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I did this too after about 6 weeks sober. I had "one drink"... 2 weeks later I was back in detox. My husband found me close to unconscious in a puddle... I don't remember even being there. I'm lucky I'm alive.
Remember... it's alcoholISm... Not alcoholWASm. Good luck.
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Old 08-20-2012, 07:43 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Alcoholism for me is a progressive disease. I always start off drinking a few, and then end up drinking the 20 pack of bud light. I can't drink like a normal person. It took me 27 years to finally surrender to that fact.
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Old 08-24-2012, 05:51 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Since this relapse last week, I drank again on Wednesday. Yesterday I went to a meeting and got my 24 hour chip.
I just feel so depressed and like I'll never get out of this rut I'm in. I want to do an out-patient program. I work a 9-5 job that I don't love but it pays the bills. Someone told me that I could get on disability for addiction/depression and do my out-patient rehab. I live in Massachusetts. Does anyone know anything about going on disability to treat addiction? Or anywhere I can look to find out information on this?
I was thinking of getting a get well job. Something easy, and not too stressful so I can make it to a meeting during the day and then one at night. I can only go to the ones at night, and typically by the time I get there, I'm falling asleep.

Does anyone have any experience with this?
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Old 08-24-2012, 08:16 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Hi Pock, If I am not mistaken, it's very hard to get disability "just" for addiction/alcoholism these days, they muckled down on that a few years back. If a person has been "dual diagnosed" as having a mental disorder as well as addiction, that is a different situation. Even so, I believe the process of getting on disability is not something that happens very quickly, and also takes a proven history of not being able to hold a job due to whatever disability you are applying for. Someone here may have other information about that but I believe this is the case.

Here is another thought, being busy and productive is pretty important I think, when it comes to recovery. Is your current job a good, career job? If not, then maybe getting a more "easy" job would be OK, but I don't think quitting your job to focus on recovery is practical if not. Especially since you mentioned it pays the bills!

Maybe a good plan would be to job hunt for something less stressful WHILE still employed. But, quitting a job without another is usually not a good idea!

If you are exhausted in the evenings, that just might be part of the state of mind you are in, as a typical 8-5 doesn't seem like it's really over-doing it. You are discouraged and unhappy right now, so exhaustion sounds like a normal reaction to that.

Can you check into other meetings that might be right after work so you stop in on your way home, or during your lunch hour, or on Saturdays?

Are you doing some physical activity too, since that is so helpful for getting out of mental slumps and getting rid of fatigue? Maybe if your meetings are on the late side and you are tired by the time you get there, having an exercise session between work and meetings would be helpful for an energy boost?

I hope things look brighter to you soon, sometimes we are just having a bad day and feel down. And, I think a part of it is just the "normal" path to sobriety too. Probably the more sober people than me would attest to that, I think there is a whole bubble-bursting phase that is normal, just like your relapse was pretty normal. Hang in there!
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Old 08-24-2012, 08:56 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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P89,
I agree with many others here. I was on a summer vacation for 2 months and didn't get drunk once. Even seeing old friends, baseball games , whatever. 1 to 2 pints and all was cool.....and only on 2 or 3 special occasions. Hell, I was even the DD. But then, when I returned home ......and felt safe to get wasted , I did. It really sucked and went on for 3 days. I'm out of it now but thinking things will remain normal ( as in normal drinking ), just is a fantasy. Put your best self forward.
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Old 08-24-2012, 02:07 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Glad you are getting back on track Levitz
Welcome to our recovery community...
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Old 08-24-2012, 05:26 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Do you want to never drink again?
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Old 08-24-2012, 10:52 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I went through outpatient and luckily my health insurance picked up the cost because I completed a chemical dependency evaluation. I did the evaluation through my employee assistance program at work. I know Mass. Is different since health insurance is already mandatory but that was my path.

Even more poignant was a guy in our group that claimed he could control his drinking and that he did not know why he was in treatment. He later said it was recommended by his Attorney so he could possibly avoid a long jail sentence after his 4th DUI.

Don't be THAT guy pock.

Dave
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