What do you do when you feel silly?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
What do you do when you feel silly?
First of all, I hope this question won't offend anyone but it's something that has tripped me up once already and has a high likelyhood of happening again in the near future. I quit drinking in mid-July and my one slip-up was due to this.
What happened is that some close friends came by to visit and they felt like splitting a bottle of wine. I felt silly to say I wouldn't have any, I wouldn't get drunk from a third of a bottle, it wouldn't cause me to flip out and go on a bender and I can't pretend I didn't want to have a proper toast with them. So I had a glass of wine, didn't get drunk or drink more after and moved on.
Not a big deal, but...
Solo drinking was very easy to stop. I have the occasional "a beer would hit the spot right now" moments but I just make myself a cup of tea (I drink it in my old beer mug) and it goes away quickly. I'm not afraid of parties either. Haven't been to any because I moved recently and am cut off from my social circle, but I have been to parties sober in the past and it was fine. It's the intimate moments with people who are important to me that kill me.
I'm going to go visit my parents in a few days and I know what will happen. They'll have stocked up the fridge with my favorite beer, I'll dodge it for awhile but eventually they'll want to have a little toast and I'll feel silly since no one gets drunk on one beer and it won't make me flip out and drink all the others.
I have to admit it makes me wonder if I'm not overreacting. I was drinking way too much and I'm a lot happier without the crazyness and ********, but I can't help but wonder if feeling bad for having a glass of wine with friends or a beer with my dad is what I want either...
I'm not even sure if I'm looking for advice or support, but I'd be grateful for either.
And sorry about the novel.
What happened is that some close friends came by to visit and they felt like splitting a bottle of wine. I felt silly to say I wouldn't have any, I wouldn't get drunk from a third of a bottle, it wouldn't cause me to flip out and go on a bender and I can't pretend I didn't want to have a proper toast with them. So I had a glass of wine, didn't get drunk or drink more after and moved on.
Not a big deal, but...
Solo drinking was very easy to stop. I have the occasional "a beer would hit the spot right now" moments but I just make myself a cup of tea (I drink it in my old beer mug) and it goes away quickly. I'm not afraid of parties either. Haven't been to any because I moved recently and am cut off from my social circle, but I have been to parties sober in the past and it was fine. It's the intimate moments with people who are important to me that kill me.
I'm going to go visit my parents in a few days and I know what will happen. They'll have stocked up the fridge with my favorite beer, I'll dodge it for awhile but eventually they'll want to have a little toast and I'll feel silly since no one gets drunk on one beer and it won't make me flip out and drink all the others.
I have to admit it makes me wonder if I'm not overreacting. I was drinking way too much and I'm a lot happier without the crazyness and ********, but I can't help but wonder if feeling bad for having a glass of wine with friends or a beer with my dad is what I want either...
I'm not even sure if I'm looking for advice or support, but I'd be grateful for either.
And sorry about the novel.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I get what you are saying. I am the same way. I would be able to have a glass of wine or one beer with friends over dinner and move on. I know I could do that with no problem. What is stopping me is that doing so opens the door for me to move back into binge drinking on special occasions. I have to follow the thought to the end and for me I think it would go like this...
-have one drink, but feel guilty like I'm cheating
-next time a drink is offered take it, bc why not, already had one last week
-next time drink a few more and it feels good...
-etc etc etc until I am back to drinking every weekend and making an *ss of myself. Can't guarantee it would go like this, but don't want to risk it.
Sometimes I do feel silly saying "no", bc it is just one drink, but I have no idea if that one drink will lead to more in the future.
-have one drink, but feel guilty like I'm cheating
-next time a drink is offered take it, bc why not, already had one last week
-next time drink a few more and it feels good...
-etc etc etc until I am back to drinking every weekend and making an *ss of myself. Can't guarantee it would go like this, but don't want to risk it.
Sometimes I do feel silly saying "no", bc it is just one drink, but I have no idea if that one drink will lead to more in the future.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
While I was still drinking, my job had a company party on a 3 hour cruise.
We were given 2 drink tickets and did not have the option to buy any more.
I enjoyed the cruise until my two were gone, after that all I could think about is having another drink. I couldn't wait to get home so I could catch a proper buzz.
I think if I tried to have one or two now, this feeling would be even stronger now that I'm not drinking.
At the very least I would start the pattern I'm all too well familiar with that aeo1313 mentioned in his post.
We were given 2 drink tickets and did not have the option to buy any more.
I enjoyed the cruise until my two were gone, after that all I could think about is having another drink. I couldn't wait to get home so I could catch a proper buzz.
I think if I tried to have one or two now, this feeling would be even stronger now that I'm not drinking.
At the very least I would start the pattern I'm all too well familiar with that aeo1313 mentioned in his post.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
If i followed the same logic , i'd probably have a glass of wine with dinner soon enough . Then knowing me i'd think after a few weeks of that , well maybe one after dinner as well ... then i know in a month or two i'd be having one before dinner one or two during and a couple after , then the bottle would be getting low and i'd think may as well finnish it off...
Then i may as well buy a three for two at the store , then after emptying one bottle for dinner i'd probably get stuck into a second to keep me going into the evening .....
I know where just having one goes for me .. i know i'd end up eventually back to where i was or worse.
Bestwishes, M
Then i may as well buy a three for two at the store , then after emptying one bottle for dinner i'd probably get stuck into a second to keep me going into the evening .....
I know where just having one goes for me .. i know i'd end up eventually back to where i was or worse.
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
This is complete nonsense.
Like others have said, that one drink will lead to horrible drunken episodes.
Might not be this week, or next... Perhaps not even next month. Rest assured, it will arrive if you keep on this delusional path of being able to "just have one".
I say this with 7+ years experience of trying to get and stay sober.
Many many times, I too would have a only 2 glasses of wine at some dinner. My AV would tell me "see, you're not like the people in those rooms, you can handle and control it"... Complete BS.
Wake up, this disease kills.
Like others have said, that one drink will lead to horrible drunken episodes.
Might not be this week, or next... Perhaps not even next month. Rest assured, it will arrive if you keep on this delusional path of being able to "just have one".
I say this with 7+ years experience of trying to get and stay sober.
Many many times, I too would have a only 2 glasses of wine at some dinner. My AV would tell me "see, you're not like the people in those rooms, you can handle and control it"... Complete BS.
Wake up, this disease kills.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I kept drinking until my brain was affected
.
I make no excuses to anyone about why
I quit and plan to stay in AA recovery.
I've been tosteing for many years with water....
it is about celebrating not about what is in my glass.
.
I make no excuses to anyone about why
I quit and plan to stay in AA recovery.
I've been tosteing for many years with water....
it is about celebrating not about what is in my glass.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
I'm sorry to hear of your health problems CarolD. This is why I prefaced my first post by saying I hope no one will be offended, I am aware that some people here have had very serious consequences from alcohol abuse even though it's not my case.
To be honest, the slippery slope argument doesn't convince me but I'd rather not open that discussion. As far as my personal pep rally goes, the only rational argument I can see is that my goal is to try a sober lifestyle to see if it's a better fit than the heavy drinking one. What's the point of doing it if I don't do it right?
I'm still pretty shaky but I'm trying to get at least myself on board. No idea what I'll do practically though, I can't use my usual excuse that I'm on a diet because my mom already thinks I'm too thin.
The only person I've discussed my drinking with IRL is my father and he said that, while it's good that I'm careful with alcohol, he really doesn't think I have a drinking problem because I've had a drink every time I came to visit them and he never saw me lose control. LOL, like I would allow myself to lose control in front of my parents!
I'm really shaky about this guys. I've got until thursday to straighten things out, but I'm really not sure.
P.S.
I can't explain it, but toasting with a non-alcoholic beverage just doesn't sit right with me at all. I'll toast with the bottle or with a nail of beer on the bottom of the glass, I've done it before, but with water... does not compute.
To be honest, the slippery slope argument doesn't convince me but I'd rather not open that discussion. As far as my personal pep rally goes, the only rational argument I can see is that my goal is to try a sober lifestyle to see if it's a better fit than the heavy drinking one. What's the point of doing it if I don't do it right?
I'm still pretty shaky but I'm trying to get at least myself on board. No idea what I'll do practically though, I can't use my usual excuse that I'm on a diet because my mom already thinks I'm too thin.
The only person I've discussed my drinking with IRL is my father and he said that, while it's good that I'm careful with alcohol, he really doesn't think I have a drinking problem because I've had a drink every time I came to visit them and he never saw me lose control. LOL, like I would allow myself to lose control in front of my parents!
I'm really shaky about this guys. I've got until thursday to straighten things out, but I'm really not sure.
P.S.
I can't explain it, but toasting with a non-alcoholic beverage just doesn't sit right with me at all. I'll toast with the bottle or with a nail of beer on the bottom of the glass, I've done it before, but with water... does not compute.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Someguy23....
Only shared my expereinces glad yoour consenquences are diffrent.
Perhaps another way of looking at your life would help?
Do you consider yourself to be an alcoholic?
Why did you choose to be sober?
Why are you often allowing drinkers to influence you ?
Hope you will continue your sober journey if that is what
you are interested in...
Only shared my expereinces glad yoour consenquences are diffrent.
Perhaps another way of looking at your life would help?
Do you consider yourself to be an alcoholic?
Why did you choose to be sober?
Why are you often allowing drinkers to influence you ?
Hope you will continue your sober journey if that is what
you are interested in...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I don't understand. Your parents love you and care about your well being. It's acceptable to tell them that you don't want to drink. Have a toast with some juice or something other than alcohol. Maybe you should tell your parents of your struggle. It would be less of a secret and more of you dealing with the issue at hand.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by CarolD
Only shared my expereinces glad yoour consenquences are diffrent.
Perhaps another way of looking at your life would help?
Do you consider yourself to be an alcoholic?
Why did you choose to be sober?
Perhaps another way of looking at your life would help?
Do you consider yourself to be an alcoholic?
Why did you choose to be sober?
What matters is that heavy drinking wasn't working out for me. I may have never wound up in jail or a hospital (mostly because of dumb luck, TBH) but I was destroying my health, reputation and self-esteem. Sooner or later, I would have wound up in jail or a hospital.
I understand you drank heavily for longer than I did and when you were older. I'd probably have similar problems to yours if I had done the same (different organs though, the digestive system is my weakest link physically).
At the moment, I figure I should at least try sobriety for as long as I've tried heavy drinking. That should give me more than enough time to figure out what I want for the rest of my life.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
I really do get you and as I've told you before I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not, but my life is way better not drinking.
I could have 2 drinks with friends and go home and not think about drinking more. I can have a fridge full of beer and cabinet full of wine and not think about it (I'm looking at wine bottles as I type hanging on my wall).
In the big picture I probably could toast a celebration and drink a glass of wine and it would have no negative effects on me. I guess it's just the longer I am sober the less I care about alcohol. After my race last night I went to the bar with my team and they all had drinks and I had water and it was no big deal- no one even cared or noticed.
I could have 2 drinks with friends and go home and not think about drinking more. I can have a fridge full of beer and cabinet full of wine and not think about it (I'm looking at wine bottles as I type hanging on my wall).
In the big picture I probably could toast a celebration and drink a glass of wine and it would have no negative effects on me. I guess it's just the longer I am sober the less I care about alcohol. After my race last night I went to the bar with my team and they all had drinks and I had water and it was no big deal- no one even cared or noticed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Originally Posted by Someguy23 
........This is why I prefaced my first post by saying I hope no one will be offended.......
If you do not value our opinion about the progressive nature of Alcoholism, then there isn't much any of us can say that you will take into consideration.
Only you can determine if you're an alcoholic. I wish that answer comes to you quickly, before an ugly bottom....
Best of luck !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by TorontoGuy28
If you do not value our opinion about the progressive nature of Alcoholism
Had a good night's sleep and I'm thinking a bit more clearly. All right, I'm in. I'm not drinking on this trip. If this were truly a special occasion, maybe I'd make an exception, but having drinks "just because"... yeah, that's dangerous.
I'll tell my parents I'm taking a break from drinking. I have before and they respected it. I'll let you guys know how it worked out.
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not, but my life is way better not drinking.
My mood has improved A LOT, I've lost weight and started getting back into shape, my productivity... actually I'm still lazy as holy hell, can't blame that one on the alcohol. Best of all, I'm no longer making an ass of myself on a regular basis.
Originally Posted by Mizzuno
Your parents love you and care about your well being. It's acceptable to tell them that you don't want to drink.
Originally Posted by easyrider73
I get the itch for a binge I prefer to drink alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
Yesterday I had to fight this thing off myself. It was the end of my racing season, end of the day, hot hot hot, and everyone was drinking beer. "You've done good, have a beer, you can quit again tomorrow!" I mentioned that it was ten months since the last time I drank. "Are you going to quit for the rest of your life?" I responded that I was going to start drinking again as soon as I felt like spending half my money on beer and waking up with a hangover every morning again!
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
If the consumption of alcohol causes a problem in your life you have an alcohol problem. If it doesn't then you don't have an alcohol problem. This was explained to me when I first faced my issues and it has become my standard answer when others ask me to listen to their story and then tell them if they have an alcohol problem.
I stopped a few years ago because in my life alcohol was detracting from the quality of my life. When I am asked about why I am not drinking alcohol at social events, which really occurs infrequently I simply say that, "I have found that drinking alcohol doesn't enrich my life and so I decided not to drink alcohol. BTW, prune juice doesn’t do much for me either!" I then ask them a question about themselves and the conversation moves right along, after all who among us doesn't really want to talk about ourselves more than others?
Just my experience,
Jon
I stopped a few years ago because in my life alcohol was detracting from the quality of my life. When I am asked about why I am not drinking alcohol at social events, which really occurs infrequently I simply say that, "I have found that drinking alcohol doesn't enrich my life and so I decided not to drink alcohol. BTW, prune juice doesn’t do much for me either!" I then ask them a question about themselves and the conversation moves right along, after all who among us doesn't really want to talk about ourselves more than others?
Just my experience,
Jon
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I hear you loud and clear.
I can can really irritated with myself when faced with a drinking dilemma.
I can ponder it for weeks.
Part of me thinks, I have 192 days and if I am going to break it it has to b for either something really, really special or something that requires having more than 1 drink. To me it would be pointless having just one drink. What good would one drink be? Nothing seems to be special enough to break my days if you know what I mean.
I also though, have noticed that as my sober time goes on, I feel more scared of the potential outcome of a drinking session. What will happen to me? Will I blackout? Will I hurt others? I don't know if its from reading here a lot, or being more aware of bottoms that can result from drink but thankfully I have experienced none of them...yet.
I used to get very annoyed with alcohol and celebrating.
It used to make me angry that every occasion - new baby, birthday, christmas, bonfire night, new job, retirement, selling your house, buying a house, passing exams etc - always seemed to be marked by boozing.
Why would you celebrate a babies first birthday by getting ratfaced and then having to stay in bed for three days? Not me on this occasion, but could of been? That's not how you celebrate being one. You have your face painted, blow out candles, open presents and play pass the parcel!!!!
But then I got to realising that you can celebrate a bus being on time if your that way inclined. Or that your vacum picked up that bit of fluff.
Sometimes I almost want to be left out of celebrating or toasting.
I like my mundane day to day life now.
I work hard.
I keep house.
I watch the television.
I go to bed.
And to add to it all I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb because of it all!
I think I understand where your coming from..hope I did not offend you either....xxxx
I can can really irritated with myself when faced with a drinking dilemma.
I can ponder it for weeks.
Part of me thinks, I have 192 days and if I am going to break it it has to b for either something really, really special or something that requires having more than 1 drink. To me it would be pointless having just one drink. What good would one drink be? Nothing seems to be special enough to break my days if you know what I mean.
I also though, have noticed that as my sober time goes on, I feel more scared of the potential outcome of a drinking session. What will happen to me? Will I blackout? Will I hurt others? I don't know if its from reading here a lot, or being more aware of bottoms that can result from drink but thankfully I have experienced none of them...yet.
I used to get very annoyed with alcohol and celebrating.
It used to make me angry that every occasion - new baby, birthday, christmas, bonfire night, new job, retirement, selling your house, buying a house, passing exams etc - always seemed to be marked by boozing.
Why would you celebrate a babies first birthday by getting ratfaced and then having to stay in bed for three days? Not me on this occasion, but could of been? That's not how you celebrate being one. You have your face painted, blow out candles, open presents and play pass the parcel!!!!
But then I got to realising that you can celebrate a bus being on time if your that way inclined. Or that your vacum picked up that bit of fluff.
Sometimes I almost want to be left out of celebrating or toasting.
I like my mundane day to day life now.
I work hard.
I keep house.
I watch the television.
I go to bed.
And to add to it all I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb because of it all!
I think I understand where your coming from..hope I did not offend you either....xxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
