What do you do when you feel silly?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
Hi-
I recently finished reading this really good book called "Almost Alcoholic"
It was written for people who drink a lot but feel like they might be in the grey zone.
Almost Alcoholic (The Almost Effect): Joseph Nowinski,Robert Doyle: Amazon.com: Kindle Store
In the book some of the people chose to quit drinking for a period of time (they suggest 90 days at least) and some of them quit, while others were able to enjoy light social drinking sometimes. It was interesting, you might want to check it out. Also there are other strategies such as harm management or moderation management.
If alcohol was making your life a mess you should think about why you want to go back to it though. Like you I am sucked in by the social aspect of drinking but it that causes you too start back up again in full force I'd imagine it is best avoided. If you have a history of drinking to cope with your problems you need to find some other ways of coping.
I recently finished reading this really good book called "Almost Alcoholic"
It was written for people who drink a lot but feel like they might be in the grey zone.
Almost Alcoholic (The Almost Effect): Joseph Nowinski,Robert Doyle: Amazon.com: Kindle Store
In the book some of the people chose to quit drinking for a period of time (they suggest 90 days at least) and some of them quit, while others were able to enjoy light social drinking sometimes. It was interesting, you might want to check it out. Also there are other strategies such as harm management or moderation management.
If alcohol was making your life a mess you should think about why you want to go back to it though. Like you I am sucked in by the social aspect of drinking but it that causes you too start back up again in full force I'd imagine it is best avoided. If you have a history of drinking to cope with your problems you need to find some other ways of coping.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
I second what others say about thinking about does alcohol cause you problems (do you think it has?).
I'm nearly 5 months sober, I drunk for nearly 30 years. And it wasn't that much (compared to some of the stories). I go to AA, and when others say that they got the intense craving and that they had an allergy to alcohol.. that doesn't apply to me. Sometimes, I couldn't stop. But most of the time I could.
But knowing all that, I knew, deep down that if I stopped, maybe, just maybe, my life would get better. And I've heard enough stories in AA to realise some of the reasons I was drinking (manage emotions, feelings) were relevant to all the other alcoholic's stories.
Someguy23, even if you don't believe it's a progressive illness there is a lot of reading out there that talks about how alcohol activates different pathways in your brain, and if you drink enough and consistently enough you need to give those pathways a rest (to avoid them activating again with one drink). I remember doing my psychology degree and reading brain studies where it said it can be a couple of years before those pathways might return to normal. That's not just the "AA line" of it being progressive.
For me, even though I sometimes think "ooh, have a social drink, that would be nice" I don't think it's worth the risk. I want to give my brain a rest and sobriety is generally enjoyable (though tough at times). Why not try it for a few months at least?
When I have my doubts, I remind myself that I do have issues, otherwise I wouldn't be on this board (and another one) and going to AA. I do have a life outside of being sober, but I need reminders and check-ins. And I also needed assistance in starting to enjoy being sober.
I found the first couple of months my thinking was a bit skewed, might not be the case with you but I'm glad I gave sobriety a chance. Have a think on it. You've nothing to lose by saying no to people for a bit longer, your parents should understand.
I'm nearly 5 months sober, I drunk for nearly 30 years. And it wasn't that much (compared to some of the stories). I go to AA, and when others say that they got the intense craving and that they had an allergy to alcohol.. that doesn't apply to me. Sometimes, I couldn't stop. But most of the time I could.
But knowing all that, I knew, deep down that if I stopped, maybe, just maybe, my life would get better. And I've heard enough stories in AA to realise some of the reasons I was drinking (manage emotions, feelings) were relevant to all the other alcoholic's stories.
Someguy23, even if you don't believe it's a progressive illness there is a lot of reading out there that talks about how alcohol activates different pathways in your brain, and if you drink enough and consistently enough you need to give those pathways a rest (to avoid them activating again with one drink). I remember doing my psychology degree and reading brain studies where it said it can be a couple of years before those pathways might return to normal. That's not just the "AA line" of it being progressive.
For me, even though I sometimes think "ooh, have a social drink, that would be nice" I don't think it's worth the risk. I want to give my brain a rest and sobriety is generally enjoyable (though tough at times). Why not try it for a few months at least?
When I have my doubts, I remind myself that I do have issues, otherwise I wouldn't be on this board (and another one) and going to AA. I do have a life outside of being sober, but I need reminders and check-ins. And I also needed assistance in starting to enjoy being sober.
I found the first couple of months my thinking was a bit skewed, might not be the case with you but I'm glad I gave sobriety a chance. Have a think on it. You've nothing to lose by saying no to people for a bit longer, your parents should understand.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
Thanks for the replies everyone. Seriously, I was shaky and you helped a lot.
As of now, the matter is settled. I've emailed my parents to tell them I'm not drinking at the moment so they shouldn't buy beer for me (they drink wine and vermouth, not beer). If I have a moment of weakness, they'll be there to say "I thought you weren't drinking?"
I do believe alcoholism is progressive, it's obvious that the more you use an addictive substance the more addicted you get... I just doubt you get addicted by drinking 1-2 beers, you get addicted by drinking 12 beers.
Almost alcoholic, that's a rather appealing notion. When I read posts on this forum, I identify a lot but not as in "this is/was me", rather as in "this is/was my future".
I did six months of controlled drinking prior to quitting. It was fine, lowered my limits at one point in fact. I stopped the experiment because I had an incident of binge drinking during a night out with friends. In retrospect, it was bound to happen. I was drinking less but made no lifestyle changes, hanged out in the same bars with the same people.
I'm not interested in it anymore. Maybe in the far future, not now. My experience is the same as aeo's, word for word. The more time I spend not drinking, the less I want to drink.
I used to be terrified at the idea of not having the occasional beer to help me relax. Right now, I'm drinking my second mug of tea of the evening. One bag irish breakfast, one bag lemon and ginger. It does a better job of relaxing me than the beer ever did and is actually healthy. It's also delicious.
As of now, the matter is settled. I've emailed my parents to tell them I'm not drinking at the moment so they shouldn't buy beer for me (they drink wine and vermouth, not beer). If I have a moment of weakness, they'll be there to say "I thought you weren't drinking?"
I do believe alcoholism is progressive, it's obvious that the more you use an addictive substance the more addicted you get... I just doubt you get addicted by drinking 1-2 beers, you get addicted by drinking 12 beers.
Originally Posted by ZiggyB
In the book some of the people chose to quit drinking for a period of time (they suggest 90 days at least) and some of them quit, while others were able to enjoy light social drinking sometimes. It was interesting, you might want to check it out. Also there are other strategies such as harm management or moderation management.
I did six months of controlled drinking prior to quitting. It was fine, lowered my limits at one point in fact. I stopped the experiment because I had an incident of binge drinking during a night out with friends. In retrospect, it was bound to happen. I was drinking less but made no lifestyle changes, hanged out in the same bars with the same people.
I'm not interested in it anymore. Maybe in the far future, not now. My experience is the same as aeo's, word for word. The more time I spend not drinking, the less I want to drink.
I used to be terrified at the idea of not having the occasional beer to help me relax. Right now, I'm drinking my second mug of tea of the evening. One bag irish breakfast, one bag lemon and ginger. It does a better job of relaxing me than the beer ever did and is actually healthy. It's also delicious.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Someguy23,
I don't know if this will be helpful as it sounds like you've thought this one through at this point.
But...I can tell you that even after many years of contented abstinence, still the ONE situation that bugs me is when I am the only person in an intimate setting not drinking. This has nothing to do with me wanting to drink. I don't. It's just that I feel, well, exactly how you said--silly. There is indeed something that feels weird about being the only one at the table toasting with ginger ale!
Still, it's something I've accepted. I've learned not to make a big deal about it inside my head or with the group. It's all about simply being comfortable that, for me, it's just the way things are.
I don't know if this will be helpful as it sounds like you've thought this one through at this point.
But...I can tell you that even after many years of contented abstinence, still the ONE situation that bugs me is when I am the only person in an intimate setting not drinking. This has nothing to do with me wanting to drink. I don't. It's just that I feel, well, exactly how you said--silly. There is indeed something that feels weird about being the only one at the table toasting with ginger ale!
Still, it's something I've accepted. I've learned not to make a big deal about it inside my head or with the group. It's all about simply being comfortable that, for me, it's just the way things are.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
I figure I should give everyone an update.
I'm coming back from my parent's (writing on the bus in fact). I didn't drink. There was no beer in the fridge, as per my request, but there was a bottle of bubbly. We had a little toast and I put a drop of bubbly in my glass so as to be comfortable sharing in it. It's a compromise I've used before and that I'm comfortable with.
Overall, it was really nice to see my parents and I'm glad I didn't drink. It wasn't a big deal, though my parents were a little surprised about it.
On a (somewhat) related note, my bus ride was delayed for 3 hours (while I waited in line) and this is exactly the sort of trivial frustration that triggers me. There's a perverse sort of pleasure in dealing with it without drinking. I am making myself a huge cup of tea when I get home though.
I had already taken my decision by the time you posted, but it is pleasant to see others feel the same way, whether or not it's nonsense.
You really nailed it, it's not about social occasions, it's about intimate moments, and it's not about wanting to drink either. I'm not sure how thrilled I am to hear that I'll still feel the same way even if I remain sober for years...
I'm coming back from my parent's (writing on the bus in fact). I didn't drink. There was no beer in the fridge, as per my request, but there was a bottle of bubbly. We had a little toast and I put a drop of bubbly in my glass so as to be comfortable sharing in it. It's a compromise I've used before and that I'm comfortable with.
Overall, it was really nice to see my parents and I'm glad I didn't drink. It wasn't a big deal, though my parents were a little surprised about it.
On a (somewhat) related note, my bus ride was delayed for 3 hours (while I waited in line) and this is exactly the sort of trivial frustration that triggers me. There's a perverse sort of pleasure in dealing with it without drinking. I am making myself a huge cup of tea when I get home though.
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
I don't know if this will be helpful as it sounds like you've thought this one through at this point.
You really nailed it, it's not about social occasions, it's about intimate moments, and it's not about wanting to drink either. I'm not sure how thrilled I am to hear that I'll still feel the same way even if I remain sober for years...
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by Someguy23 
I'm not sure how thrilled I am to hear that I'll still feel the same way even if I remain sober for years...
In any event, good job with this situation. As you've seen, there's really no magic to this sort of thing: you gauge the situation and do the best you can with it. Then it passes and all is well.
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