Depression via Growth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 112
Depression via Growth
Hey everyone,
So yesterday afternoon and into today I feel a bit of depression that I have only felt when I was drinking. I have spent a lot of times with some old friends lately as I am overseeing a project where I grew up (Chicago). Some of my childhood/adolecent friends drink quite a bit but most of the ones that I have stayed close with drink quite responsibly. What I have noticed lately is that although the drinking thing does bother me here and there, usually just if someone gets quite drunk, is that my outlook and goals are just so different than those around me. I get my motivation and desire to move forward from learning new things, meeting new people, helping the less fortunate and setting goals where as my fiends seem to be very content doing the same thing every weekend.
I have made plenty of new friends through AA in my past 18 months, but I still lack friends who have the same motivation/desire that I have been given through my experience in AA and my battle through cancer. I consistently meet someone who may be motivated in AA, but has no desire to exercise and get healthy. I guess what I am saying is I am becoming one picky person and I am confused as to if this is a good thing or if I am just becoming an arrogant punk. I truely just want someone to share my life with since I feel as I have made some significant strides in my life in the past 2 years and don't have anyone to really share that with. I just don't want to end up being judgemental and alone, but I also want to be challenged, motivated and consistenly progressing as I know that I can.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated as for some reason this feels like this is going to be a long work week. Thanks, and I hope everyone had a great weekend!
So yesterday afternoon and into today I feel a bit of depression that I have only felt when I was drinking. I have spent a lot of times with some old friends lately as I am overseeing a project where I grew up (Chicago). Some of my childhood/adolecent friends drink quite a bit but most of the ones that I have stayed close with drink quite responsibly. What I have noticed lately is that although the drinking thing does bother me here and there, usually just if someone gets quite drunk, is that my outlook and goals are just so different than those around me. I get my motivation and desire to move forward from learning new things, meeting new people, helping the less fortunate and setting goals where as my fiends seem to be very content doing the same thing every weekend.
I have made plenty of new friends through AA in my past 18 months, but I still lack friends who have the same motivation/desire that I have been given through my experience in AA and my battle through cancer. I consistently meet someone who may be motivated in AA, but has no desire to exercise and get healthy. I guess what I am saying is I am becoming one picky person and I am confused as to if this is a good thing or if I am just becoming an arrogant punk. I truely just want someone to share my life with since I feel as I have made some significant strides in my life in the past 2 years and don't have anyone to really share that with. I just don't want to end up being judgemental and alone, but I also want to be challenged, motivated and consistenly progressing as I know that I can.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated as for some reason this feels like this is going to be a long work week. Thanks, and I hope everyone had a great weekend!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I was like the people you describe when I drank. I was perfectly content earning a paycheck,and drinking until I passed out every night. Over and over,and over.
I have no idea what I was thinking.
But since I quit drinking I have set my sights a lot higher. Yes,it has got me into situations. But as long as I'm not drinking those situations aren't a big deal.
In order to get ahead in life,you have to aim high. It might be depressing to see others who appear like they just flat out don't care. But we have to work on ourselves,not others. Lead by setting examples. Also,like the saying goes. You can't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. And in most cases that just isn't possible.
Fred
I have no idea what I was thinking.
But since I quit drinking I have set my sights a lot higher. Yes,it has got me into situations. But as long as I'm not drinking those situations aren't a big deal.
In order to get ahead in life,you have to aim high. It might be depressing to see others who appear like they just flat out don't care. But we have to work on ourselves,not others. Lead by setting examples. Also,like the saying goes. You can't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. And in most cases that just isn't possible.
Fred
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
I would stop looking at others and do your own thing. If you are doing well, you will draw people into your life that are like minded 
If you judge others they will be repelled by you. We must be humble, VolcomStone1.
Humility is necessary to recovery
If you judge others they will be repelled by you. We must be humble, VolcomStone1.Humility is necessary to recovery
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
"Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all." (12 & 12 page 70)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
What I have noticed lately is that although the drinking thing does bother me here and there, usually just if someone gets quite drunk, is that my outlook and goals are just so different than those around me. I get my motivation and desire to move forward from learning new things, meeting new people, helping the less fortunate and setting goals where as my fiends seem to be very content doing the same thing every weekend.
I'm a firm believer in that if we keep our eyes and ears open we'll attract the right kind of people...the hard bit is to 'put yourself out there'...
I think a certain degree of change is required...if your current group of friends, lovely as I'm sure they are, aren't challenging you as you want to be challenged, you might have to put yourself in new situations with new people?
I'd also suggest that maybe you'll get what you're looking for from a wider range of people, than maybe you're thinking of....even if they haven't necessarily gone through cancer and alcoholism, for example.
It's the differences in people and their experiences that make life interesting IMO
best of luck VS
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 112
I completely agree with everyone's comments, except part of Nevertheless's comment. It's not that I'm judging my friends, I just feel sad/isolated (thus the mild depression) that my "once great friends" and myself do not have much in common anymore or do not have the same outlook on life. I just would like some more intellectual types to talk to and to be honest for most of my life I have attracted people that really just liked to drink like I did so I am now having trouble making these types of friends. I do have some friends from engineering school that are intelligent, but they drink more than any other of my friends (there was not much else to do in the U.P. of Michigan).
I do really like the comments provided, as I have been telling myself that if I do my own thing that I will meet people/draw in like minded people but it has really yet to happen and my instant gratification issues are making me frustrated. I just wish I didn't travel so much for my job and had a click of good like minded friends to do things with, but I guess until then I will just have to keep my nose to the grindstone and have faith that things will work out.
I do really like the comments provided, as I have been telling myself that if I do my own thing that I will meet people/draw in like minded people but it has really yet to happen and my instant gratification issues are making me frustrated. I just wish I didn't travel so much for my job and had a click of good like minded friends to do things with, but I guess until then I will just have to keep my nose to the grindstone and have faith that things will work out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 112
My sponsor is pretty much under the same impression. He believes that if I just get involved in things that interest me, the rest will fall into suit. Which, I believe, I just overwhelmed sometimes with life as I'm sure we all do and can get down quite easily.
He also commented that I have been working away from home since March 90% of the time and so I haven't had the opportunity to really get "new" roots in Milwaukee since my first year sober was more concentrated on step work and staying sober, and that new friends/girlfriend will come in time. But, I want what I want when I want it, so maybe I'll just have to pray for a little more patience! Thanks!
He also commented that I have been working away from home since March 90% of the time and so I haven't had the opportunity to really get "new" roots in Milwaukee since my first year sober was more concentrated on step work and staying sober, and that new friends/girlfriend will come in time. But, I want what I want when I want it, so maybe I'll just have to pray for a little more patience!
Thanks!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 1,387
volcom,
I get what you are saying. I am older than you, but I do understand the frustration that you feel. Me? I thought that if I got sober things would just fall into place. Well, I am incomparably happier than I was drinking, but I get bummed that I still have the usual hassles - the ones that bother me most were created by me when I was drinking.
I guess we both just need to practice (even more) patience. At least we are now on an even playing field, and if we keep doing what we are doing good things will come. Take care.
I get what you are saying. I am older than you, but I do understand the frustration that you feel. Me? I thought that if I got sober things would just fall into place. Well, I am incomparably happier than I was drinking, but I get bummed that I still have the usual hassles - the ones that bother me most were created by me when I was drinking.
I guess we both just need to practice (even more) patience. At least we are now on an even playing field, and if we keep doing what we are doing good things will come. Take care.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by VolcomStone51 
I guess what I am saying is I am becoming one picky person and I am confused as to if this is a good thing or if I am just becoming an arrogant punk.
I truely just want someone to share my life with since I feel as I have made some significant strides in my life in the past 2 years and don't have anyone to really share that with.
I just don't want to end up being judgemental and alone, but I also want to be challenged, motivated and consistenly progressing as I know that I can.
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated as for some reason this feels like this is going to be a long work week. Thanks, and I hope everyone had a great weekend!
Challenges in friendships/relationships are in abundance I suppose, depending on what one deems a challenge, yeah? Motivation is a purely subjective experience, and all around ourselves, and within too, when one seeks it out. I think progress with room allowed for limited failure is best measured not by comparisons with others, but by comparisons with our own satisfactions. I'm not saying you readily compare yourself to others...
You really don't come off as arrogant...
Congratulations on your successes over the last 2 years. I guess having someone to share our lives with is an ideal pursuit in itself, you know? Just in the experience of searching can be found jewels of wisdom in learning about ourselves. I know from my own experiences, that important significant other is often closer then we think...
Lot of good advice in this thread...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
