Sudz No More

I mean ok, it's nice and all to feel positive but it just seemed abrupt and out of no where. It was near dusk and I walked the dogs to the corner which over looks the mountain to the east. A small breeze slowly passed me as I gazed at the mist resting about midway up in the tops of the coniferous trees. When I turned to go back I glanced at the sun setting in the back mountain and the thought just came to me.

So many days of turmoil these last 29 days, impulses and cravings, physical and mental. Fighting the inner demon that wants to steal my sanctity all the while trying to hold fast to the momentum I have built. The ongoing worry I have about my wife's imminent trip and how I will be alone for ten days. How I will have to fight the impulses of being alone making it so easy to imbibe.

All of these difficult moments the last month to stay sober and a plan for action those ten days alone. Then, there I was having this cerebral thought. I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean. I guess I'm beginning to heal?

I know this much, I don't plan to let my guard down. It is about this time in my sobriety that I always get the weakest. How easily I forget all the trouble and heartache drinking has brought me. Now is the moment to reflect on that positive feeling I just had and not let it slip away.

Time to stand firm and continue down the right path.

Have a great sober day everyone.

freshstart57

Just like that last half mile of your daily workout, this upcoming time for you is when you will bring to bear the skills you have just learned, and develop some new ones, too. You will welcome her home with pride and an inner peace that she might not remember. I have my money on you.

Sudz No More

Thanks fresh, it gives me more strength to know others have confidence that I will stay sober. I don't want to let myself down and will feel the fool to all of you if I do.

Funny, I think I am actually looking forward to the challenge. I get the chance to prove to myself that I can really stay sober even when I think no one is watching. Besides, I don't think I could stand the guilt of giving in and then having to face her when she gets home.

I'm going to just keep a positive frame of mind as the moment approaches.

2granddaughters

Sudz, when my better half is away for a while and I find myself "off the chain", I pick up a couple of extra AA meetings and hang out with the oldtimers. It keeps me "on the beam".

All the best.

Bob R

freshstart57

Sudz, I only just passed a similar test with my wife away for a similar amount of time. I just told myself that any idea that popped into my head, telling me that I might not succeed, was my addiction trying to get me to start to argue with it again and to drop my guard. I don't listen to that cr@p any more.