Update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 27
Update
Well I am getting on for a year sober.
Some will remember my story - British, but long time resident of US and Canada, but ended up back in the UK to look after my mum after my father passed rather young and suddenly 18 months ago. My mum can be quite selfish a lot of the time (and drinks too much like my Dad) and I get very frustrated with her. I'm here out of duty.
I've also had a lot of trouble with my head and depression. I made a lot of money very young, and then I lost so much money in the financial crash that I don't think I can ever get back up again and learning to live with loss has been hard. I suffer with 'regret' and many have been helpful to me here with that, but it still creeps up on me.
So out of the blue I have the chance to return to the US. My mum really doesn't need me here, and I miss the US so much.
But suddenly I am scared.
I have always been a huge risk taker. Call it Gambler if you like. I guess that's why I made lots of money and lost lots of money. Always addicted to something huh.
But suddenly I am scared of the future. What if it all goes wrong again and I lose everything ?
I am homesick (yeh I know I am born British) but the US is where I feel at home. I find the UK hard work and lacking in any opportunity, I don't see much for my kids future either. Not the way things are going.
I just can't afford to screw up anymore.
Where did my strength go ?
I just don't know what to do.
Don't really know what I am expecting in replies, just wanted to blurt my feelings out. Scream if you like.
Thanks for listening.
Some will remember my story - British, but long time resident of US and Canada, but ended up back in the UK to look after my mum after my father passed rather young and suddenly 18 months ago. My mum can be quite selfish a lot of the time (and drinks too much like my Dad) and I get very frustrated with her. I'm here out of duty.
I've also had a lot of trouble with my head and depression. I made a lot of money very young, and then I lost so much money in the financial crash that I don't think I can ever get back up again and learning to live with loss has been hard. I suffer with 'regret' and many have been helpful to me here with that, but it still creeps up on me.
So out of the blue I have the chance to return to the US. My mum really doesn't need me here, and I miss the US so much.
But suddenly I am scared.
I have always been a huge risk taker. Call it Gambler if you like. I guess that's why I made lots of money and lost lots of money. Always addicted to something huh.
But suddenly I am scared of the future. What if it all goes wrong again and I lose everything ?
I am homesick (yeh I know I am born British) but the US is where I feel at home. I find the UK hard work and lacking in any opportunity, I don't see much for my kids future either. Not the way things are going.
I just can't afford to screw up anymore.
Where did my strength go ?
I just don't know what to do.
Don't really know what I am expecting in replies, just wanted to blurt my feelings out. Scream if you like.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 27
I should add that I've moved my family 4 times in the past 10 years. Country to country, state to state.
That's not counting the times we've nearly moved.
I don't know what I am searching for, and why I don't seem happy wherever I am.
This post sounds selfish and introspective compared with many of the issues on this forum. I am sorry but I just need to shout this out.
I am so scared of ruining our lives. (Again).
That's not counting the times we've nearly moved.
I don't know what I am searching for, and why I don't seem happy wherever I am.
This post sounds selfish and introspective compared with many of the issues on this forum. I am sorry but I just need to shout this out.
I am so scared of ruining our lives. (Again).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Give it a shot Tiger, I bet you'll end right up where you left off in the US. I didn't play or write music for years and then in sobriety I suddenly found the urge and I am writing some of the best music I've ever written.
You will always regret if you don't take this opportunity and say what if I did. You will always second guess. If it doesn't work out the UK will still be there.
You will always regret if you don't take this opportunity and say what if I did. You will always second guess. If it doesn't work out the UK will still be there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 27
I use the AVRT process.
Bad Tiger drinks and is evil, Good Tiger doesn't.
I've had one or two moments of desire but just focus on not wanting to be that person again. He's a SOB.
Seeing my dad die of cancer likely induced by drinking at 67 helped as well. I'll never forget holding this bag of bones on his dying day, he was the strongest, toughest, fittest man I ever knew - captained his county for Rugby and was still playing in his 50's. But he always had a drink in his hand. My Great Grandfather managed to drink himself to death at 38 as well.
I will not be another sequel.
Bad Tiger drinks and is evil, Good Tiger doesn't.
I've had one or two moments of desire but just focus on not wanting to be that person again. He's a SOB.
Seeing my dad die of cancer likely induced by drinking at 67 helped as well. I'll never forget holding this bag of bones on his dying day, he was the strongest, toughest, fittest man I ever knew - captained his county for Rugby and was still playing in his 50's. But he always had a drink in his hand. My Great Grandfather managed to drink himself to death at 38 as well.
I will not be another sequel.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Good for you...No need to keep that cycle going. It's funny I do the same thing right now that you are doing...Taking care of my mom after my dad passed away. I'm looking to get some help in that department from my brothers and sis.....We'll see. Can't really say what's your best call....I guess if she is OK on her own...Do what is best for you. I wish you the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Congratulations on your year Tiger 
Big decisions always invole a little fear I think...I think it's good to talk it out, not only here but with people you trust...certainly talk it out with your family as they're involved too...
maybe make a pro and con list?
D
Big decisions always invole a little fear I think...I think it's good to talk it out, not only here but with people you trust...certainly talk it out with your family as they're involved too...
maybe make a pro and con list?
D
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Way to go on your sober time...
Perhaps look into what is actually available re your career
would help you decide? The US is having a down turn
economically and well paying jobs are difficult to find
Do you have a network you could tap into before moving?
Are your skills current?
After my recovery .. I did re train for another field but my
children were grown so that made it easier to take a
pay cut as I was only financially responsible for myself
Wishing you and your family all the best...
Perhaps look into what is actually available re your career
would help you decide? The US is having a down turn
economically and well paying jobs are difficult to find
Do you have a network you could tap into before moving?
Are your skills current?
After my recovery .. I did re train for another field but my
children were grown so that made it easier to take a
pay cut as I was only financially responsible for myself
Wishing you and your family all the best...
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