Paulos

Hello all- it's nice to post again. Been a while since I have, uh... I at times have been skeptical to come around SR because sometimes I didn't want to sound like a whiner but... I figured I should finally vent a little.

I feel like I just keep losing, and losing as I go along... been sober for 10 days now from booze, except for my prescription I have as this sounds like when I was posting back in the days of 2008.

My mother has constant stress that apparently I or no one else can help her with, which is hard for me to see everyday and this also makes her angry towards mostly everyone around her.

I lost my best friend online about over 4 months ago, whom I always confided in, talked to/etc, which was really a great help to me but now that she's gone it's hard.

Going to lose internet temporarily soon due to a lawsuit *don't ask* so all the stress has been leading me into depression/sadness and of course some anger

I dunno... I'm almost 27, September 22nd I'll be hitting those big digits of 27, I'm not sure why I'm blabbing here I guess I just wanted to share because I feel pretty rotten about things and that things ... I just wish ... I don't know, things were better... I dunno why I'm still whining at my age- ah ... I do see a therapist 2 days a week, which is a good thing and I'm enjoying it slightly which is a better thing- but I'm just so used to my mother's approval of everything when I don't have it ... I feel like even a bigger crud... I yelled at her yesterday brutally because she was talking about out of nowhere construction work which I have problems with because I hate change *this falls into my HFA-high functioning autism* and I was out of line in what I said, grumble it's just never seems to be a good time to talk to her about things.

Well boy, at least SR is still here as I am surprised really I haven't been kicked off with all these things and the non stop talking I've done in the SR Chat. I guess that's it for now, I suppose I wanted to ... let it loose, I hope this does something for my brain, apologies if I offended anyone.

MetalChick

Do you live with your mom?

Lenina

hey Paulos! I've been wondering where you've been. Sorry youre struggling. I'll keep you in my thoughts. It took me some time to settle into sobriety. I know you can do it.

love from Lenina

Sudz No More

Nice to see you here Paulos. Never give up! When the pasta is done it sticks to the wall

mirage

Hey Paulos, good to see you. I'm sorry for your current troubles, but am glad to hear you're on the right track. Hang in there!!

Someguy23

I'll be 27 on 20 Sept. I feel like an old fart too.

You won't "lose" until you give up and you won't give up completely until you're dead. No harm in having to vent on occasion.

CarolD

Welcome back Paul

Please do keep up with the counseling and remain on
your meds as prescribed.
Well done on your 10 days...

Hevyn

Hi Paulos! Glad to see you here. You aren't whining - those are all legitimate complaints and concerns. I think it helps to talk about it - no need to hold it all inside.

MetalChick

What about this:

"but I'm just so used to my mother's approval of everything when I don't have it ... I feel like even a bigger crud."

I do not know your whole deal, but 27 is a bit too old for that--- IMHO.

I don't know your whole story, and you are a bit older then me, but what is up with the mum thing??? not being mean... just wondering.

sugarbear1

get a kitten.

or a plant.

sugarbear1

Paulos,

You know you are loved.

Justfor1

I use to count my sobriety day but now I just make my days count.

Paulos

That's a good one Justfor1, thank you all for the positive responses as I needed em ... feeling as foolish as I've been as of late. Uh... having the autism I have I always was attached more to a parent figure than the usual person, so my mother's approval has meant nearly everything in my life- that is why Metal that I brought it up. It's uh, sad I know but ... well, it's funny I don't ACT the Mama's boy part, I don't make her do things for me or anything like that but I seem to be one -_-... I was depressed a little earlier but that's lifting now :]

Ann

Welcome back, Paulos, it's good to see you again.

MetalChick

Thanks for the answer. You seem like a really sweet person

I am glad you are feeling better

MetalChick

I know for me I rely a lot of the approval of my BF, so I know how hard it can be to feel good when criticized. I get so very sensitive

Paulos

Hi Ann , oh yes and Carol how have things been going for you? =o. Sensitivity I very sensitive, metal =] I am not metal in that area that's for sure...

CarolD

Thanks for asking about me...

I'm 76 so health issues continue as I age.
Keeping busy is good for me...I'm so grateful
to have family ..AA and SR to connect with.

MetalChick

... and we are grateful to have you, Carol

Paulos

Ya =]