Bazerington

Hi everyone, I was at the gym today and suddenly realised I've become totally self absorbed (probably a very egotistical start to a thread :-)... I worry all day about... Well... Me. I worry that I'll never get a job, that I'll be alone forever, thatmums cancer will spread further, that I'm going to be this miserable person forever. I'm 105 days sober and not really very happy. Did anyone else have this? I hate being like this and know it's not a good thing, so I try and quell it, but it's like my mind keeps going back to me... Please, any help will be gratefully received x

2granddaughters

Selfishness is the foundation of alcoholism.

When I'm into "What about MMMmmmEEEEEEEeeeeee !" I have a painful day.

When I try to help the other person and attend meetings regularly.. I have great days!!


I hope you have Googled and read AA's "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous". It's well described there.

All the best.

Bob R

Bazerington

Thanks Bob, I know it's wrong. It does my head in. I want to scream at my brain to stop it... Then it gets better, then it comes back... Am I mentally ill????

awuh1

Finding a way out of the self-centeredness is a major part of dealing with life, post alcohol. This is one of the great strengths of the AA program, freedom from the bondage of self. I’d recommend you look into it.

hypochondriac

It's only natural to worry about your own situation Bazerington. I think the worry should be that you are just focusing on the negative things. What are some positive things about your life right now?

It is one thing I do like about AA meetings. It often takes me out of myself. It stops being all about me and starts being about the group and about individuals who are having a harder time than me.

That's not to say that you have to go to AA. You could just start focusing on the positive more. Every time a negative thought comes into your head, try to find the positive side. The more you practice doing it the easier it gets. If you just focus on the negative then it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I only know that because I'm just the same myself...all doom and gloom. It takes practice to be a positive happy type person. x

MetalChick

Are you enjoying this thread that is all about "you" jk* I am just teasing ya.

Good thread though. I can relate.

MetalChick

hypochondriac, I love your quote "Everything is an attempt to be human."

2granddaughters

Probably no more than any other garden variety alcoholic who doesn't go to meetings regularly.

All the best..

Bob R

zjw

I had the same problems. I still have the same problems and i'm over a year sober. I will say its easier. I guess its interesting for me how some call it selfishness / self absorbed I just felt like i was constantly getting screwed. Not much as changed i do still have a mountain of things to be worried about and get angry about But It doesnt eat as me as much. I do have my moments however but i'm doing better at coping with them.

I nevr felt self absorbed per say considering i was worried about anything and everything But me. I guess If anything at this point I might be getting more self absorbed. I tend to have less patience for others now and I'm very obsessed with my diet and exercise and getting healthy. I justify that in my head with for years i was worried about anything and everyone else and negative stuff all the time. I just want to be healthy for a change. If my extreme determination makes me selfish and self absorbed oh well so be it.

AndreTT

Me too. I cant remember one time in the last few years that I was actually happy on behalf of my "friends" or family. I always saw their successes as a threat and a huge part of me was quietly happy (or sometimes not so quietly) to find fault in them so I would not feel inferior to them.
I NEVER wanted to be on a vulnerable spot. I always wanted to have some kind of advantage in every situation (looks, money, possessions, accepetance, etc). Needless to say I lied and fabricated stuff many times. I never let my true feelings out lest I be vulnerable.

Thats a pretty tough thing to realize.

zjw

Short of lieing I was much the same way. Its still a battle I fight. You said it fairly well. I know when i do something for someone else it makes me feel better tho. Its tough to look around at your social group say and it appears everythings good in everyone elses life but yours is just so full of suck all the time. I've had to stop or force myself to stop. I find when i truely compare notes everyones up against there own mountain of problems My life is generally no worse or better. Sometimes its better then one guys sometimes its worse then anothers. Some times someone else has a good day and i have a bad one sometimes they have bad one and I have a good one. Its just the way the cookie crumbles learning how to accept that is tough.

Watching all of that go on and all my problems and lack of coping skills etc.. is WHY i drank. Trying to feed the more positive stuff seems to be why I'm not drinking now. But its still hard.

Bazerington

Thanks guys, glad you all know what I mean!!! Thought I was going mad for a few days!!
Metal Chick :-) ha ha ha!!!

zjw

dont feel bad I thought i was going mad as well. I SWORE something was wrong with me. I was ready to get wtvr tests run that needed to be done to find out what was wrong with me.

I'm learning theres nothing really wrong with me other then I just have a severly difficult time dealing with stuff.

zjw

To add as I made each positive step it was like peeling off layers. as a layer came off something got better then another layer something else got better. Now i'm at the point where i almost get eager to take the next positive step to see what good will come next.

spryte

Thanks for this thread! I was feeling ker-azy today and hashed it out with my sponsor and it turns out I'm self-obsessed and think everything is about me.

It has been driving me crazy. I really feel like I'm losing my mind.

But i talked it out, and apparently i have some growing up and changing to do, and here I am in teh middle of the process.

You're not alone!

Dee74

I lived in my head for a looooong time.

Dunno if it's an option for you, but volunteeering & other service work really helped me break out of that, Baz...

D

MetalChick

Bazerington,

If I am not mistaken, I think you were called a "garden variety" alkie! Is this true? LOL

Hey, congrats on 105 days.. Woohooo!

I worry a lot too. As soon as I take care of one concern I seem to immediately start worrying about the next thing. you don't really seem selfish to me, just concerned or even over stressing about tough issues you are facing.

Take care

Bazerington

Thanks for the support everyone, I am trying to look into volunteering to get rid of some of the madness!!! :-)
Unfortunately, I was turned down for one volunteer role as I have a criminal past. Nothing serious, just drunk and disorderly etc. :-(
Once too many times I guess :-(
I will keep going and get the emphasis off me :-)!!!!
Glad so,meone else knows about this by the way x x

SoberDan

Hi bazerington, the best thing I have learned comes from eckhart tolle's book the power of now you can also download an audio version. he has taught me how to be the watcher of my mind and how to control my thoughts. With practice I very rarely have negative thoughts enter my mind anymore and experience inner peace as a result . I too used to be insane with worry and negative thoughts. Eckhart says " the beginning of freedom begins with realization that you are not the thinker the moment you start watching the thinker a higher level of consciousness becomes activated. it took me a few times of listening to his book to understand it all but every time I listen I get a little more from it. It has changed my life for the better. good luck.

DoinThis

I can relate too. This quote from Anthony Kiedis sums it up for me (at times)....


“There's not alcoholic in the world who wants to be told what to do. Alcoholics are sometimes described as egomaniacs with inferiority complexes. Or, to be cruder, a piece of $h*t that the universe revolves around.”


― Anthony Kiedis, Scar Tissue