SW2012

Hi there,

I haven't posted much but I do have an update and would like to get opinions and thoughts from those with more experience. So I had been seeing a guy for a few months, 2-3, and we had some bad experiences while he was drinking. He also lied about having a daughter until I found out. Well, we are not dating anymore but I would like to let you know what led up to us not dating anymore and tell you what is happening now and get your thoughts.

I thought it would be a good idea to have him come meet my best friend about a month ago. Well he showed up completely drunk. Staggered out of the cab with a bottle of cooking sherry and continued to hide it in the bush in front of her kids. Lied about not having money to pay the cab until the cab said he had money in his pocket. Which he did. Needless to say it was an interesting night. Him and I ended up leaving after spending some time there and when we got to his place around 5am he had lost his keys, cell. So we had to wait two hours for his mother to bring him his spare keys.... That caused a huge problem between me and my best friend. She was very upset that he came to her house in that state (I didn't know he would be like that) and her husband was furious. That same weekend while I was at his place and he was drunk his brother's wife called and he was talking to her. Well, I guess she asked what he was doing and he said he was watching a movie with a friend. A friend!!?? Ummm... we're in a relationship so how am I just a friend? A few seconds later he did say well, actually my girlfriend but that sort of made me do a exorcist head turn...

Fast forward to now. We are talking as friends as he is in a 3 week rehab program. He calls me at least once a day. I continue to talk to him because I do have feelings for him and even if I can be just a friend I would like to have him in my life. He is a great guy when he's not drinking. Well, he wants to be a couple once he is out of rehab but I keep telling him he needs to focus on his recovery once he is out and take it slow but he is just determined to be in a relationship with me. I do want to be in a relationship with him but am scared that he will drink again and I don't want that drama in my life.

So this is my update in a giffy. I would appreciate any thoughts or opinions you may have to offer.

Thank you!!!

Mark75

My thought would be that you need to take a look at yourself... Why do you want to be with him? A good long look. Maybe al anon, counseling, Get to know yourself. A relationship with him isn't gonna be easy, and it will be work.

MetalChick

I wouldn't want to date a guy in rehab. I wouldn't want to be friends as well if I had feeling for him.

The last time one of my friends showed up at my house totally hammered, I didn't let him in.

TorontoGuy28

Distance yourself from him until he has at least 6-12 months of good, solid sobriety. Aside from getting in and out of rehab, he should be working a recovery program such as AA or SMART moving forward...

If things are meant to be, they will workout - but I would not expect any sort of relationship so quickly... He needs to gets better first...

That's my .02 cents being the guy you just described for many years, before I got sober.

Good luck and keep us posted.

tomsteve

cant agree more. one thing i learned is that i was only attracted to women as sick as myself, then i thought i had the power to fix em. welp, that didnt work too good as i didnt even know how to fix myself.
not only that, but i didnt know how to have reltaionships. i took hostages. i had to learn about myself and, through personal experience in early recovery, a relationship( with someone as sick as me) made that impossible.

IMO,you should walk away from himfor now and let him work on him and you work on you.

CarolD

Some couples are toxic...run for the hills...