IMHomerSimpson

Today Im not going to drink.Im gonna have to think no further than today or Im gonna fail.Just writing those 2 sentences gave me a chill,literally.As of right now I have no crisis in life but I cant keep going around in this circle of thoughts.I feel like I am powerless over alcohol,it is all I basically think about.I wake thinking about it,I drink as early as I can(never before 11am),I drink more than I intend usually,I think about it while at work,I think if I start early I can sleep it off early enough to salvage the rest of the evening(which rarely happens),I think there will be no enjoyment in life without it(which is not true from experience),I think you understand.I am going on a trip to florida in about 30 days and am terrified if I stop now Ill be all screwed up mentally when I have to leave.I am flying,am afraid to fly,so I will be obsessing and panicy over the next month and not drinking to forget about this trip scares me.On top of not being able to drink my anticipation anxiety away I will be not drinking which is anxiety-provoking as it is.Its gonna be like a 30 day double-whammy of an array of feelings and emotions.This scares me big time.Can 30 days be enough sober time to start leveling out? I forget how I felt few months back when I went 30 days(been keeping journal of life since thanksgiving now which I started after I went back drinking).Some positives I think about are gaining about 6-8 hours of life everyday(drink and sleep usually until early evening then just lay on couch til bedtime).Also I think my anxiety will subside a little after a couple of weeks,man I hope so.Another chill just ran through my body.Ill try not to drive the forum nuts from over-posting,I promise Im not lonely and just looking for attention by posting here.For some reason,which I dont understand,I feel better coming here and reading how happy people are after stopping drinking,how clear minded they sound,how relaxed their lives are,and give encouraging words to confused drinkers like myself who only daydream how our lifes can change so much for the better.I will not drink today.

CarolD

Good plan..

Drink a lot of water and juices...Aspirin for acges...Hard candy forr the shakes...No caffefine.

Great to see you are tryung again..

Chy

It only can get better from day one on Homer! Keep it simple, be patient, it took more then 30 day's to get to this point and everything you do starting today will get you where you want to go.

Anna

Homer, I was amazed at how much more things I could do in a day - things that I really wanted to do. It's such a great gift. The obsessive thoughts will lessen enormously and you'll feel so much more in control of your emotions and your life. And, I think there is always something anxiety-provoking in life, always. There's probably never going to be a perfectly peaceful stretch of time in one's life in which to stop drinking.
If you're sober for 30 days before your trip I bet you'll feel 100% better and each sober day is so much better than the last - especially at the beginning. You have a goal and we're here to support you Homer.

Hugs and love,
Anna

Jayhay

Hey homer,

We are here for you! Don't worry about over posting. Do what you need to do.

Strength to you!

-jay

Rotten

Hey Homer,
You've done this before - remember how much fun you had going on your kid's run and enjoying being a real dad for them?
Stick with it and as you say - just worry about today.
Keep up us up to date with your progress.

MootPoint

you have a good plan Homer!Stick to it and post here whenever you want

degadar

Hi Homer, I was worried about stopping too for a similar reason - i'm agoraphobic, bad since I was 16 (about the time i started drinking)
I'd read that the alcohol makes phobias worse but my 'friend' in the bottle assured me that wasn't the case.
Took me about 2 months to get really straight - but was getting there at 30 days. Now I can go out easily, take my children out to places, and it's like i've got a real life.

I know now that my 'friend' alcohol was just a parasite, making me ill just so I'd have to keep it around. It was even stealing my family and my job into the bargain.
Yes, we're both powerless when it comes to drink - but like a real friend told me - I'm also powerless in the face of an oncoming truck. Avoiding standing in the middle of the road isn't a failing, it's not a weakness, it's smart move.

Deg.

sibilla86

Hi Homer
You have a good plan and I'm sure you'll make it. You'll find great support here at at f2f meetings
Wish you the best
Hugs
Irene

Me2

We who have been overcome by abusive addiciton to Alcohol need to realize there is a sleeping tiger within. He can be awakend at any time and when he is we reume right where we left off. We dont start anew like a beginning drinker and its a progressive disease which if not halted will ravage our lives and eventually bring us and all we care about into its deadly subjugation. We need to pursue sobriety like we uysed to pursue drink. We need to be as possesed with our obession to consume sobreity as we were Alcohol. We werent over come by Alcohol in one day and we wont be overcome by sobreity in one day. Learning to live in the NOW of healthy sobreity is a must...steve

SJRRN

Homer- glad your back. Rootin' for ya- SJR

Laci

Hi Homer,

You post whenever and how much you want as that is the best thing to do. Pour your heart out as everyone here is very understanding and when I was first sober I did the same.

I sure relate to what you posted. All I could think about was getting that next drink. I would go to sleep and wake up and think "okay, when I can I drink, how can I leave work early and get to the bar or home." It is really an all consuming disease we have.

It takes time to level off and for the "fog" in our heads and hearts to clear but you know it is a great feeling and you know how much better you will feel. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. Our lives become unmanagable, our self worth is low and the more we drink, the worse we feel but we reach that point of knowing that we have to make a choice. I was where you are at right now. I feared what I may do on my next drunken binge. I feared myself and I had never recognized that before. My drinking turned on me in a terrible, terrible and painful way. Scared straight, so to speak. I thank God for opening my eyes in a moment of clarity during my last hangover. It could have gone the other way easily...still out there working on dying. Glad I saw that I could make a choice. Easy, heck no. Worth it, heck yes! For me, I choose AA but do whatever works for you to get back to a sober life and you are so right...we cannot look at tomorrow, next week or next year. If I envision of life of having no fun because I don't drink then so be it. I have discovered that there is so much fun in life sober but in the beginning of sobriety I felt there would be no more fun or excitement. I was so wrong! But, if actually life would be boring in sobriety, that would be fine because at least I would be alive, clear headed, working on myself, maintaining my family. One thing they say in AA is to keep it simple and in my sobriety I strive for that but have found so much that goes on it is hard to find a moment to rest! So, the point is, life doesn't stop when you quit, it begins.

Make it a sober day. You can do it.

Love,
Laci

DENISET

Hi Homer

I think you're wise to keep coming to the boards - I've felt and have still been feeling the way you described but I think I'd go crazy if I couldn't spill it all out. I think just been able to get what's in your head off your chest helps and even makes you a little strong over the booze.

For me personally I'm still debating with myself what I do re. non-al choices. But, at the end of the day, I respect everyones opinion and am grateful for their honesty and a lot of good points were made - but at the end of the day it's my choice and I've got to do what works for me. I think AA is great and I enjoyed my visits and I think I'll keep going back. I'm just not convinced their way is really for me yet - sorta all or nothing. I'll do what I think is for me (might not be for everybody) and if things don't pan out the way I want then I'll have to take things from there.

But anyway - I personally hope you keep coming to the boards as you've really helped me stay stronger today just knowing that I'm experience similar feelings to you.

Hope everything works for YOU and good luck.

Luv
D

The Jay Walker

Homer

I really understand how you feel right now, I had a lot of anxiety problems when I was drinking, it helped me to try to change the chanel in my head, I know that sounds wierd, but anything healthy that would take my mind off of drinking, and my anxiety helped, also when things got unbearable, sleep was at times the only way I could escape the feelings, it has gotten a lot better since, it has been a tough raod at times, but well worth it.
you are doing the right thing,
and you post as much as you need to, were here for you.

IMHomerSimpson

Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences,much appreciated.I sipping some cran-grape juice today.I am very uncomfortable at the moment,just irritable and anxious.I took a klonopin to help me relax a bit,I had to.I have to say everytime I do this it gets harder and harder.I have not eaten very much today(no appetite),and not eating much is a change for me.I am smoking more cigs though.I know in a few days I will feel good but I cant even put into words how I am today which is not my usual feelings when I dont drink,maybe I really think its gonna work this time and thats why I am sooooooo screwy today.I have no ambition to do anything but sit or lay around and not drink.I poured my 2 leftover beers down the drain and got rid of all my empties(probably 100 dollars in refunds sitting in my garage).Thanks again for the online support and Ill see ya later.

Don S

Hi, Homer
I'm glad you find this forum helpful.
Part of the reason, in my opinion, that you are thinking about alcohol all the time is that it is still in your system if you are drinking daily. The other reason is that much of your day-to-day behavior revolves around it.
Fear of sobriety is a common concern expressed here. I believe it is based on some mistaken beliefs:
--that alcohol is helping with your anxiety;
--that daily life is easier with alcohol;
--that it will be very uncomfortable to quit drinking (it is, but it isn't TOO uncomfortable);
etc.
I had severe anxiety bordering on phobias, which gradually diminished when I quit drinking. Fear of flying was one of my anxieties, and I was concerned a month or so after I quit about whether I'd have a panic attack on the airplane as I usually did before. I didn't, and my panicky feelings in various situations steadily decreased in intensity and duration. I firmly believe now that daily drinking was a major factor in my own anxiety and panic.

Your body is fatigued and is still churning out the enzymes etc. which process alcohol. A day of rest is a great idea. My own experience was that 72 hours was about what it took to clear out the physiological effects of drinking. After that it was mostly emotional/psychological stuff to deal with.

Eating is going to help reduce your irritability, even if you're not hungry. You've suddenly stopped consuming large amounts of carbohydrates! I grow almonds, so do me a favor and go out and buy a can or two and munch on them steadily. It'll help quiet your nerves a little, at least.

Keep in touch. Several times a day, if necessary! I don't think there's any limit on the number of posts here! And it might help to remember that other people who are lurking are learning from what you're going through. Your posts help lots of people, Homer, so thanks for checking in.
Don S

goldneon7

Hi Homer,

Thank you for posting, and keep it up as much as you want. I understand how you feel. I just came off of a period of about 2 years of drinking basically every single day. These past few months I was drinking at least a bottle of wine per night, sometimes more. I have quit and started and quit and started again, but today is my 7th day sober-which is a record in 2 years. I was very scared too--I still am. I think you hit it on the head with "just for today". That's all it is. Just a day. The thing that is helping me right now is I ask myself in the morning "what will I do today instead of drinking? It doesn't have to be anything major, just pick ONE thing that you'd really enjoy doing instead, and do that. If you're scared, come here. I have been doing that, and it feels really good. The first part doesn't feel good for a little while, but it's not that bad, and then each day feels much better!!! Thank you again for your posts--keep it up!!!

Justme57

Hi Homer ! great to see you back. You have a good plan...one day at a time

HUGX
lee

SPc/s

Hi Homer:


Welcome back to recovery. By what you have said about your thinking is the key. When you thinking gets outa control, go out and help someone, get into action. Don't let your head bring you down. If you call your support group, help others, go to 12 step meetings, get commitments at those meetings. This is the program in a nut shell.

What you are feeling right now is your greatest assest. Never forget how you are feeling at this moment. It's your first tool of sobriety. When you feel like drinking, remember how you felt the last time. Don't bring up the good times, remember the messed up times when you last drank.

Getting into action is most key in your early sobriety. It will keep you outa your head.

Recovering

Hi Homer,

Your post "I'm afraid to quit" caught my attention. It brought back memories
of how I felt a few years back. I was in treatment for my alcoholism. I remember
walking around the facility thinking that I could not drink again even though I had
been told to think only about today.

Over time, I began to realize that the main reason that I was afraid was that I had
nothing in my life at the time that could replace the drinking. My drinking dominated
my life. Simply stopping my drinking would leave nothing more than a large hole. It
was very scary. It's kind of like giving up an old friend that you don't really like.
We are more comfortable with things that are familiar. Even when we don't like them.
There is discomfort and fear in the unknown of giving up something.

After getting discharged from treatment, I drank for another year and continued to
lose important things in my life. It was then that I finally had had enough. I threw
myself into a recovery program. For me it was AA. I realize that each of us has to
make our own choice for recovery. I can only share what worked for me.

I have heard my sponsor say that when we go to bed at night, the safest place to be
is in the middle of the bed because it is not as easy to roll out onto the floor. So
it is with recovery. When we are in the middle of whatever recovery program we choose,
we are not as likely to roll off the edge. We are safer in the middle. For me, this
was getting involved in the program and with people. Since I didn't know how to get
and stay sober, I had to let others teach me. They were my higher power until I found
the one that I now have.

What was scary was scaling that wall that separated me and my drinking from the
recovery waiting on the other side. The wall took the form of fear. Scaling the
wall took nothing more than a decision. I had to put my faith into something that I
didn't understand and climb over the wall.

It's interesting that when we decide that we have a problem, we will never be the same
person again. It looks as if you are on the way. Recovery is absolutely possible because
it is a natural state. It's only when we fight to hang on to something negative that
our problems increase.

One of my favorite authors is Dan Millman. In his book "Living on Purpose", he wrote
"Some of us do the same thing over and over and expect different results. Intelligence
allows for making new mistakes and learning from them, instead of repeating the old
ones. The more we learn, the more adaptable we become and the fewer mistakes we repeat.
Learning requires change; change requires losing face; losing face means dying to the
old; dying to the old gives birth to the new. Nothing really changes until we do."

I wish you all the best and keep coming back.