amya30

I went through hard detox symptoms last week. I was so proud of myself but now, just one week later, I'm thinking "I'm all cured". Everyone else gets to have a drink or two "why can't I"?
I think maybe my boyfriend and I broke up last night but I was too drunk to remember.
Why did I do this? The detox was so hard and made me so sick. I just feel worthless now

Dee74

I dunno about you but I don't get to drink because it ruins my life...over and over again.

The effect of alcohol on me never changes.

I know Georgia is perhaps not the best country to recover in resource wise but you at least have support here.

I had to make real changes in my life as well in order to stay sober tho amya - there's no real short cut in that - if you want lasting recovery, you will have to think about doing the same thing.

D

amya30

I just hate that it is so hard
I don't want to be a drunk. I don't like that I have no control over me

amya30

how can a sane person go through the pain of detox and then drink again?

amya30

I was shaking, shivering, sweating, vomiting and even told my son how to call for emergency help..... I'm so selfish

Maylie

I know how you feel but all it takes is one successful time to make all the other times we tried matter. I know after w/ding I would think to myself I was fine or that I could go through that again that it "wasn't so bad" but this time I have written down EVERYTHING i felt and thought. I left nothing out whether it was physical or mental. I have the tendency to forget how bad something was after I am done with it, having such a graphic journal helps me to not "forget" and to not let my mind play tricks on me.

Keep moving forward

doggonecarl

That is the insanity of alcoholism.

As for wishing you could be normal, if you mean a "normal" drinker, don't waste your time wishing for what can't be. But you can have a normal, productive life, without alcohol. Commit to not drinking...forever. And spare yourself going through detox ever again.

NewHouse2012

Oh my gosh I feel the same way hon. It's just that we can't drink. We cant even have one because everything just goes downhill from there. I have to be honest, I am so jealous of those normal drinkers who can put down their glass at one or two. We gotta dust ourselves off and just keep on it and try to beat this. I'm sorry for your pain. This really sucks but it can only get better.

FlyerFan

Nobody is normal dear.

NYCDoglvr

The only thing I could do was go to AA and take suggestions. I couldn't have gotten sober on my own, I needed the support of other recovering alcoholics. If I had done it my way I couldn't have stayed sober (a sponsor pointed out that my best thinking lead to a close brush with death in a blackout). Alcoholism isn't a rational disease: 2 + 2 doesn't equal 4.

That said, if you work hard you can have a terrific life and certainly feel "normal". It takes a lot of hard work but it's worth it.

MetalChick

That is one biggie that helps me stay sober. I can't think of anything I detest more then waking up and not remembering what happed the night before. The looking for clues, the stories people tell you, the shear dread, the paralyzing anxiety, the shame; on and on.....
I can't imagine having kid/s and not knowing what happened. What did they see or hear? Did they wake up in the middle of the night and I didn't know? A few times when I was a kid I found my dad naked on the bathroom floor passed out drunk among other blackout incidents- they are too many to list( He never remembered, but I sure did). Anyhow,
All you can do is start over, and now you know that you can't just have a few. I know you said you can't get any help where you live, but at least keep posting here. Is does help a lot. It sure helped me.

I am pulling for you

TorontoGuy28

You are NOT worthless !!

If you think someone is "normal" and without problems, it's because you don't know them well enough....

Dust yourself off, get up and get working on your sobriety !!

amya30

Thank you everyone. I feel better this morning. One day drinking does not mean I failed. It just means I had a bad day. Right? Anyway, I'm back in the fight and I will win eventually.

Dee74

good for you amya

D

Happy1977

Happy1977

You are normal....this feeling is normal. Believe in yourself, you rock....I believe in you.

Texas21SFASU

I ask myself this every time I end up slipping up. The detox I went through, was thankfully eased by numerous medications, or a seizure would have been in my future... I still fought through the night sweats and chills, extremly vivid dreams, headaches, irritability, nausea, hand tremors, the depression/anxiety, speeding heartbeat & bp...all of it, the whole nine yards. It was terrible, I can't imagine how it would have been if I wasn't at a treatment center with the meds and medical support.

The only thing I have to say as to why after experiencing detox, and finally not having to have a drink, then still slipping up and drinking- What I was told-

"Two words...Mental Obsession

Once the alcohol is out of my body I still have the mental obsession. It is the mental obsession that drives me to pick up a drink again..that convinces me that it would be alright."

That's the only thing I can think of. Why after going through so much, losing so much, would someone drink again? Because addition is a crazy thing to deal with. Difficult to deal with, Yes. Beatable, yes. atleast that's what many have told me. I still struggle, but one day at a time.

CarolD

Please take the time to read this link....

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

While not everything in the book pertained to my drinking it opened
my eyes to why I returned to drinking after I decided to quit...

john44

I could write a book on this subject having been through quite a few detoxes. No one who hasn't been through this horrifying experience could ever hope to understand it.

The reason (more properly, one of the reasons) we drink again after going through the incredible pain of withdrawals and detox is that the mind and body are wonderful at healing themselves and forgetting the intense pain they've been subjected to. It's not really insanity but the bodies self defense mechanism. If we remembered and deeply felt every pain we've experienced, then I'm sure we would literally be driven insane.

polaris

Selective memory.