Can you get sober without AA?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Chepstow, Monmouthshire
Posts: 58
Can you get sober without AA?
Hi everyone, the question is in the title. I have had several people say to me that you can't get or stay sober without AA. Today is my 98th day, and I must admit it's been really tough. I can't see much of a future, but I had a pretty tough time in AA several years ago and have never wanted to go back. Guess I'm just wondering what to do, as it is hard doing this on my own. Any ideas or feedback would be great
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,900
Sure, lots of us have maintained sobriety without AA. There are other methods out there, but the most important thing is that you have some kind of support. Check out our Secular forum. Several people like the AVRT method. You can read about it there.
Hexipuff
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kent UK
Posts: 375
I tried to quit without help from anyone - I failed
I am part of the AA fellowship. It works for me but I appreciate it not everyone's cup of tea. There are other organisations that can help. Read around on SR and you are bound to find something that you feel will help you.
Also if you could give AA another chance - shop around for the right meeting for you. Try as many in your neigbourhood, town, city etc. Each AA group has it's own feel so keep going until you find a group you can relate more to.
I am part of the AA fellowship. It works for me but I appreciate it not everyone's cup of tea. There are other organisations that can help. Read around on SR and you are bound to find something that you feel will help you.
Also if you could give AA another chance - shop around for the right meeting for you. Try as many in your neigbourhood, town, city etc. Each AA group has it's own feel so keep going until you find a group you can relate more to.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Bazerington 
Hi everyone, the question is in the title. I have had several people say to me that you can't get or stay sober without AA. Today is my 98th day, and I must admit it's been really tough. I can't see much of a future, but I had a pretty tough time in AA several years ago and have never wanted to go back. Guess I'm just wondering what to do, as it is hard doing this on my own. Any ideas or feedback would be great
There are those who can quit drinking on their own and others that can't (as explained in the documents above).
The only way you will find out which one you are is to try it ... and decide for yourself.
What kind of a "tough time" did you have in AA in the past?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Check out SMART meetings Bazerington. There are fewer of them than AA meetings but there are some around. Also most areas in the UK have some kind of drug and alcohol addiction agency which will do support groups too. The one near me you can self refer to so you don't have to go through your doctor. AVRT is a really useful tool too. But it isn't face to face support.
Well done on 98 days! You're doing great
x
Well done on 98 days! You're doing great
x
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
I've been sober for two months on Wednesday. I do not go to AA, and I doubt I ever will. This board and AVRT (which does not require meetings) has worked very well for me. AA is not the only thing out there. Do what works for you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Chepstow, Monmouthshire
Posts: 58
Well I just felt as if I didn't fit in at meetings. I was very paranoid back then... Guess prescription drugs and whisky are not a good mix for mental health :-)!!
Generally felt that I didn't fit with the crowd, I would try and talk, but very few came and spoke to me. Is that normal that people seem to all chat with each other and you end up sat alone?
Maybe I sould have tried harder, but I'm talking about many different meetings. Funnily enough, the one guy that stands out as the friendliest was an atheist :-)... Also the wisest :-)
Generally felt that I didn't fit with the crowd, I would try and talk, but very few came and spoke to me. Is that normal that people seem to all chat with each other and you end up sat alone?
Maybe I sould have tried harder, but I'm talking about many different meetings. Funnily enough, the one guy that stands out as the friendliest was an atheist :-)... Also the wisest :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Bazerington
Well I just felt as if I didn't fit in at meetings. I was very paranoid back then... Guess prescription drugs and whisky are not a good mix for mental health :-)!!
Generally felt that I didn't fit with the crowd, I would try and talk, but very few came and spoke to me. Is that normal that people seem to all chat with each other and you end up sat alone?
Maybe I sould have tried harder, but I'm talking about many different meetings. Funnily enough, the one guy that stands out as the friendliest was an atheist :-)... Also the wisest :-)
Generally felt that I didn't fit with the crowd, I would try and talk, but very few came and spoke to me. Is that normal that people seem to all chat with each other and you end up sat alone?
Maybe I sould have tried harder, but I'm talking about many different meetings. Funnily enough, the one guy that stands out as the friendliest was an atheist :-)... Also the wisest :-)
Good luck with whatever you choose.
Bob R
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Bazerington:
If you click around the various threads on this website, you'll notice that this question comes up a lot. Apparently, although the situation appears to be getting a bit better, it's still not particularly unusual for people seeking recovery to be told that AA is the only way.
However, that is, very simply, untrue. AA is just one choice among many. My own preference (I'm coming up on 14 years) is SMART Recovery, but that too is only one choice.
If you click around the various threads on this website, you'll notice that this question comes up a lot. Apparently, although the situation appears to be getting a bit better, it's still not particularly unusual for people seeking recovery to be told that AA is the only way.
However, that is, very simply, untrue. AA is just one choice among many. My own preference (I'm coming up on 14 years) is SMART Recovery, but that too is only one choice.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
People certainly have had success with a variety of different methods. If a method does not work or you’re just not happy with the quality of your time sober, it’s time to consider other options. Sounds like you are saying that part of why AA did not seem to fit well may had to do with what was going on with you at the time. You might want to try a few different groups now, and see if your opinion changes. Different groups vary considerably.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
The answer to your question is "yes", but as you can see a lot of us that have recovered without AA have needed some additional support in forms of other programs, counseling, rehab, and so on. The journey of recovery is incredibly personal, we all have a different story
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Bazerington, I am sure that the folks you have already met in the 12 step program were well meaning in that they have only your best interest at heart. They just are not aware of any other choices.
If I had never heard of anyone achieving and maintaining sobriety outside of AA, I would be exactly the same. What is most important is the degree of your commitment to yourself and to your future. In that sense, anything will do - just do it!
If I had never heard of anyone achieving and maintaining sobriety outside of AA, I would be exactly the same. What is most important is the degree of your commitment to yourself and to your future. In that sense, anything will do - just do it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 12
I don't know anything from personal experience as today is my first day on the board but most people have told me that you need some kind of help or support for it to really work.
I met a woman today that said she tried to quit for 20 years ALONE and could not, she goes to AA and said she has been 2 years sober.
I went to a meeting last night that made me think I would never go to a meeting again. I didn't fit in at all. But today, as I struggled reading about alcoholism and reading everyone's stories I decided to go to one which is less than a mile from my place and I really liked it to the point, I may go back again tonight.
Good luck... I don't know much but that maybe it will not be AA for you or even for me but most people need some kind of support for long term success. I thought I could do it alone too.
I met a woman today that said she tried to quit for 20 years ALONE and could not, she goes to AA and said she has been 2 years sober.
I went to a meeting last night that made me think I would never go to a meeting again. I didn't fit in at all. But today, as I struggled reading about alcoholism and reading everyone's stories I decided to go to one which is less than a mile from my place and I really liked it to the point, I may go back again tonight.
Good luck... I don't know much but that maybe it will not be AA for you or even for me but most people need some kind of support for long term success. I thought I could do it alone too.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
In my opinion, AA does not have a monopoly on recovery nor is it for every person. There are many programs available such as Rational Recovery, AVRT, SMART, SOS, Women for Sobriety, Life Ring, and possibly others. Moderation does not work for most of us once we've crossed the line into alcoholism, though. Once we cross a line, we can't go back, although many of us have tried this (including me).
Whatever you choose, work it like your life depends upon it (as it often does).
Addiction counseling or other counseling can help. Often support from others who understand really helps us, too, such as sticking around here at Sober Recovery (SR)!
AA is for the person who fully concedes to being an alcoholic and who, once alcohol is taken out of the picture, still feels restless, irritable, and discontent with life. Alcoholics who are willing to go to any lengths to stay stopped.
I found a change in me and my outlook (and on my past) after I worked the 12 steps of AA and I feel that AA saved my life, after fighting it for 25 years because of the God Thing and some other reasons (no, I wasn't made to feel welcome at meetings for many years, although I did make a few friends in the fellowship).
You can always attend meetings to meet other sober people, and this is an option and a choice.
Congratulations on 98 days! That's an awesome accomplishment!
I wish you well on your personal sober journey!
Love & hugs,
Whatever you choose, work it like your life depends upon it (as it often does).
Addiction counseling or other counseling can help. Often support from others who understand really helps us, too, such as sticking around here at Sober Recovery (SR)!
AA is for the person who fully concedes to being an alcoholic and who, once alcohol is taken out of the picture, still feels restless, irritable, and discontent with life. Alcoholics who are willing to go to any lengths to stay stopped.
I found a change in me and my outlook (and on my past) after I worked the 12 steps of AA and I feel that AA saved my life, after fighting it for 25 years because of the God Thing and some other reasons (no, I wasn't made to feel welcome at meetings for many years, although I did make a few friends in the fellowship).
You can always attend meetings to meet other sober people, and this is an option and a choice.
Congratulations on 98 days! That's an awesome accomplishment!
I wish you well on your personal sober journey!
Love & hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
Yes, you can get sober without AA.
I drank daily for several years and then crashed and burned and needed a 3 day medical detox to help me quit. Then I stayed sober for 5 1/2 years without any program. I just quit.
However eventually I got complacent, thought I didn't have a problem and drank again. Then I tried to get sober again, and this time I just couldn't do it. I'd drink for a few days, get sober for a few weeks, then drink again. I went through this cycle for about a year. Eventually I needed another medical detox in the hospital for a few days to get sober. While hospitalized, I went to a couple of AA meetings with the other people that were in at the same time I was. I felt such a positive fellowship with these other drunks, that I decided that when I got out I was going to go to AA to see if I could recapture that experience.
Today I'm sober, and I've built up a decent stretch of sober time again. So I guess you could say that I've gotten sober without AA and then again with AA. In my opinion, it's easier with AA.
I drank daily for several years and then crashed and burned and needed a 3 day medical detox to help me quit. Then I stayed sober for 5 1/2 years without any program. I just quit.
However eventually I got complacent, thought I didn't have a problem and drank again. Then I tried to get sober again, and this time I just couldn't do it. I'd drink for a few days, get sober for a few weeks, then drink again. I went through this cycle for about a year. Eventually I needed another medical detox in the hospital for a few days to get sober. While hospitalized, I went to a couple of AA meetings with the other people that were in at the same time I was. I felt such a positive fellowship with these other drunks, that I decided that when I got out I was going to go to AA to see if I could recapture that experience.
Today I'm sober, and I've built up a decent stretch of sober time again. So I guess you could say that I've gotten sober without AA and then again with AA. In my opinion, it's easier with AA.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
I've heard other people say that you need to find what works for you - it could be a combination of things. That's awesome that you've got 98 days - that's success!! but if you're finding it difficult, maybe look at tweaking or adding something to it? AA or sober recovery or smartrecovery or a counsellor?
Or maybe it's just the journey? The only way around it is through?
I don't know...if you find yourself consciously or unconsciously thinking of drinking, I'd say try anything different and fast!
As long as you stay sober, you can figure out how to improve your quality of life, imo.
Or maybe it's just the journey? The only way around it is through?
I don't know...if you find yourself consciously or unconsciously thinking of drinking, I'd say try anything different and fast!
As long as you stay sober, you can figure out how to improve your quality of life, imo.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I went just over a year before ever going to AA. I didnt use any other program nor was a I a member here. My opinion was i wasnt bad enough to merit AA. Lol I know now i definatly qualified haha. I've since gone to some meetings. I kinda kick myself for not getting help sooner I wonder if it could have been easier. Then again i was scared those first few AA meetings would make me want to drink. Ya know sitting around talking about it for an hour well that just sounded like an excuse to hit the bar afterwards. Luckily it didnt work out that way and i'm glad I went.
Now I would imagine you could get a good bit of support from the board. I know however a lot of people would pipe up and tell you to just go to AA.
Having spoken to other people in AA etc.. now It seems liek its no easy task either way. Like some will say do whats right for you. Whatever you do decide the main goal is to remain sober. Go through 10 programs in 3 months if thats what keeps you sober so be it. Sooner or later staying sober does get a bit easier.
I have 421 days and I can tell you I dont really have a burning desire to drink. That on edge daggonit gimme a beer RIGHT NOW is long since gone My heads clearer my thoughts arent so twisted. I dont go to extremes any more emotionaly etc.. The panic attacks are gone the anxiety since i recently quit caffine has also subsided a lot
I dont want to drink. I can be around it to some degree but it brings back a lot of rough memories thinking back about how hard those days where and how hard those early days of sobriety where thats enough for me I dont want to revisit that.
Now I would imagine you could get a good bit of support from the board. I know however a lot of people would pipe up and tell you to just go to AA.
Having spoken to other people in AA etc.. now It seems liek its no easy task either way. Like some will say do whats right for you. Whatever you do decide the main goal is to remain sober. Go through 10 programs in 3 months if thats what keeps you sober so be it. Sooner or later staying sober does get a bit easier.
I have 421 days and I can tell you I dont really have a burning desire to drink. That on edge daggonit gimme a beer RIGHT NOW is long since gone My heads clearer my thoughts arent so twisted. I dont go to extremes any more emotionaly etc.. The panic attacks are gone the anxiety since i recently quit caffine has also subsided a lot
I dont want to drink. I can be around it to some degree but it brings back a lot of rough memories thinking back about how hard those days where and how hard those early days of sobriety where thats enough for me I dont want to revisit that.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Bazerington, the answer is most DEFINITELY YES.
I do understand your dilemma with AA especially in the UK. I have friends and
acquaintances over there and have heard a lot about AA over there compared
to AA here, but have heard that in the last year or so there are a lot more SMART
meetings now.
There are so many different programs and ways of obtaining and maintaining
sobriety these days. Check around our site, read the posts and replies, there is
lots of information.
I am sure some of your fellow Brits that are on here will be by later (morning for you, lol) as it is now 1:48am ur time.
Looking forward to more of your posts.
Love and hugs,
I do understand your dilemma with AA especially in the UK. I have friends and
acquaintances over there and have heard a lot about AA over there compared
to AA here, but have heard that in the last year or so there are a lot more SMART
meetings now.
There are so many different programs and ways of obtaining and maintaining
sobriety these days. Check around our site, read the posts and replies, there is
lots of information.
I am sure some of your fellow Brits that are on here will be by later (morning for you, lol) as it is now 1:48am ur time.
Looking forward to more of your posts.
Love and hugs,
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi Bazerington...
You are rather new to our recovery community...and I hope you will
continue both your sobriety and posting..
Many of our members are winning over alcohol useing a variety of
methods/concepts and some like me are AA members.
Of course there is no wrong way to find a sober future.
Good to know you are doing sobreity.....
Please check out this link about Secular Connections
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You are rather new to our recovery community...and I hope you will
continue both your sobriety and posting..
Many of our members are winning over alcohol useing a variety of
methods/concepts and some like me are AA members.
Of course there is no wrong way to find a sober future.
Good to know you are doing sobreity.....
Please check out this link about Secular Connections
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Last edited by CarolD; 07-30-2012 at 06:35 PM.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 83
I got sober without AA. However, I wish that I could make some times to go to some meetings. I work a lot and am totally exhausted by the time that I get home from work (I also have to be up very early too) but that is still a crummy excuse and I just need to make time for it. I had a little bit of help though by my doctor's telling me that I HAD to quit because i did not have any choice to though. Like someone had mentioned on this site that I was kind of like them in the ordeal that they were going through. Perhaps we were just given a wake up call to have one more a chance to do this and succeed and we both ran with that chance. I am so happy that I did too. I almost feel pure again. Haha..
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