4th step question...
 

How many of you have had trouble with the fourth step? Here's my trouble. I'm not afraid of it, I'm actually looking forward to it. My sponsor and I are reading the big book and talking about it. The trouble I'm having is that I can't think of too many things for my list.n n Nothing in the book relates to me. I'm afraid that my resentment list will be pretty short, and I feel I've already made amends where needed. I just want to make sure I get everything out of a fourth step that I'm supposed to. I'm a first timer at this step, so maybe when I start writing something will happen.. Anyway.. Moving right along and I'm sober and happy!

Add to the list the people that you feel superior to.

A lot of people say your resentment list is going to be long. That is not always the case. Some of us have learned to let go of resentments better than others. The key the first time through the steps is to get the stuff thats really eating you up. Clear the major road blocks between you and God and move on. Most of us find it necessary to go back and do regular housecleaning because more is revealed as time goes on. But if you only have a handful of resentments that come to you, dont spend a ton of time trying to think of new ones. Seems to be that the most important part of the inventory process is that you just do it. The size of your list does not matter if you are honest and thorough. More will be revealed in 10, 11 and 12.

God bless ya.

My list was fairly short, no two people are the same.

My experience was i didn't think i had many resentments.

Trouble was, id walked around with resentments for so long they didnt immediately come to mind.....almost like id lived with them for so long, i was kinda accustomed to that "idiot" lurking in the back of my mind, if you get me.

That changed once i started writing......they would keep springing up, id go to bed and another would come to mind, id be in the supermarket and another would come up.
It took me quite a while to write my very first inventory...a good few weeks anyhow if i remember right .

Just remember, you can always write them down after, as they come to mind, and speak to your sponsor about them ...

Its a moral inventory, of course. Take a deep, rigorous look into your moral understandings of your past relationships with people, places, and things. Resentments usually top many lists because being against something is pretty easy to spot...

Going along with things though, being in agreement, while also being morally wrong... is not so easy to spot, take ownership for, and follow through with the moral change revolution.

There is more to a 4th than simply listing resentments...

Agreed, Robby. I find most of the change that takes place with the 4th occurs in the observations and prayers. Particularly the ones between the explanation of the 3rd and 4th columns. A lot of forgiveness became possible for me there.

Mine started out short, but I decided (as sponsor suggested) not to rush it. As a few weeks went by the 1 page turned into 7 pages. And some the items were really not a 'big' deal according to my sponsor. Just be honest & thorough.

There's no requirement for a long list. Some people have a huge list and some don't. Don't compare yourself to others.

Mine wasn't long to some people's standards. I had worked through lots of stuff in my years of therapy. When I hear people talk about 20 pages of resentments (or 4th step work, which as was mentioned, is not just a list of resentments) my eyes go big but then I remember, it's not my inventory so it's none of my business.

Just get it done and keep working with your sponsor. It is very possible you've made amends all ready .... but no worries. You're not on that step yet. The 4th step is NOT a list of people you need to make amends to.

Good luck to ya!

By the time I did my fourth step I had already realised that the only resentment I had that mattered was the one I had against myself. I was the problem, not booze, not drugs, and most certainly not anyone else. So my list was rather short. Just sayin....

The other thing to be careful with, and this falls under the honesty part, is that we are not avoiding putting names on this list just because we know that we may owe an amends come the 9th step. I can easily lie to myself and say something isnt bothering me because I have fears about making an amends in the future.

I've been at this for a while and the 4th Step, nor any of the others, is a "done deal".
What did your sponsor say when you told him/her that you wanted to do it "right the first time" ?

I need 2 things to do the Steps and program right... willingness and ability.
I find myself still somewhat lacking in one or both of those at any given time.

All the best.

Bob R

Things to think about or consider:

Are there institutions that upset you?

If you walked down the street & someone walked towards you, is there anyone you would want to avoid?

Does any of your own behavior annoy you?

Are you beiing totally honest with yourself and are you being fearless?

not all 4th steps are long.its okay if there arent many on it. theres no way i could get every single resentment on paper. i had some past resentments pop up when the same action happened and it triggered the memory( and it still happens 7 years in). thats when i take care of them.
as the BB says, more will be revealed.

My 4th step wasn't very long, and not nearly as dramatic as others I know.

That doesn't mean that I'm not an alcoholic. If I wanted my 4th step to be longer I could just keep on drinking, that would do it.

But you will have one right?

It doesn't have to be perfect in four, we are going to continue this practice for our lifetime- "Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear." (BB page 84)

Glad to know you are making progress...:funjump:

We do have a Step Study sub forum next door in
Alcoholism 12 Step Support

Please click here to see what we have shared on the 4th Step

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-welcomed.html