Not ready to stop? or Simply not seriously about sobriety?
 

Hey guys!
Just was curious about what others who have dealt with alcoholism had to say and see if anyone else had the same problems I'm having & if so how they handled them. Thanks!

So. Lets see a little back ground. 22 year female old college student. Alcoholism in family. I've drank heavily since 16. (Stress coping, celebrations, and every reason in between) From June 2011 til this June 1st, I was literally drunk every single night. I went to a detox/treatment center in June, regrettably chose to leave sooner then I should have.

I do NOT want my life as out of control and unmanageable as it was before entering treatment... my drinking has cost me tens of thousands of dollars, PI's/MIC's/Jail time, hospitals, numerous close friendships ended, suspension from school, school discipline, lost jobs, car accident, had to move out of my family's house, lost my boyfriend & best two friends, blacked out more times then I can count (thousands I'm sure) and I certainly don't want to have all the withdrawal symptoms again. I WANT TO BE DONE WITH IT ALL.

Yes, I'm an alcoholic, I'm aware I can't drink like others do. I don't want to drink, but I feel as if I've been constantly slipping up, constantly relapsing. I've lost so much because of my drinking, but I still end up getting drunk regularly. Sometimes I go weeks at a time clean, others, I'm two days sober then drunk again.

AFTER all that's been lost, why don't I say no? How bad does rock bottom have to be for someone to never want to pick up another drink again? Maybe I'm just not committed enough to sobriety, not taking it seriously? Maybe I subconsciously am not ready to stop? How do I know when I'm finally ready to not want to drink ever again? I don't want to continue drinking like this. I want to be one hundred percent free from this addiction...

Anyway, Thanks guys for reading, hope to hear from ya'll!
:thanks
-A.D.

Hi and welcome Texas21SFASU :)

I needed to make more changes in my life beyond just not drinking in order to stop...I had to change some friends, some routines, some places I used to hang out...and I needed to change some thought processes too....and make different decisions when opportunities to drink came up...as they do.

Support was very important too - what's your support network like, A.D.?

D

Dee is spot on here. More needs to change than just a decision not to drink. I’m sure you were introduced to AA in treatment so I assume you have some familiarity with that. There is also AVRT and several other methods that have helped others (see the secular forum here for more on this). No need to reinvent the wheel. Support is important for most people and you can find a lot on this site. Folks here will help point the way(s). Find a program and/or method and work it before things get worse, because they will, but I think you know that. Here's wishing you well.

Welcome to SR :ghug3
I can't say whether you're serious or not. I believe you are, or you wouldn't be here.
How bad does rock bottom have to be? Why do you, or indeed any of us, have to 'hit rock bottom'? Because, in truth, there is only one rock bottom. When they nail the coffin shut and we're still drinking. We're experts at moving the goal posts. Every time we think 'If this happens, I'll stop,' it's in the belief that it won't happen. And when it does, we shrug and say... 'Ok, well. I'll stop when that happens.'

As Dee and awuh have said, support is important, and you're in a good place for that. Sometimes you need to keep away from people and places that are linked with drinking. I find AA helpful.
If you feel yourself wanting a drink, post here, pick up the phone and call someone. It really helps. It's stopped me from picking up a drink quite a few times.

"How do I know when I'm finally ready to not want to drink ever again?"

when the pain of getting drunk finally exceeded the pain of reality and i was completely desperate, thats when i was ready to learn how to live from other people who have been where i was.
alcoholics dont have to hit bottom, which IMo is death. we can step off the elevator at any time, but we have to make a choice to put in the footwork to change ourselves.

change aint that bad! took some work and T.I.M.E. but today sobriety rocks!!!

prayers yer way and hope ya keep comin back.

Unfortunatley the hard part of living sober is the first few months. There is no way around that. Have a think about what you need to make it work for you and start with that.

You will get there is the end if you just keep trying.

I tried to tell myself that 'I was not successful on this occasion' rather than 'I failed'. We are learning to live sober not 'give up alcohol'. it can be done.

Everything that I highlighted in bold is/are things that I have thought about or felt in the last 7 months. It sounds like you got into a bit more serious trouble than I, however that doesn't matter.

To answer the main question, you reach rock bottom when you stop digging!

You don't have to keep living like this, it sounds like you are very serious. You keep drinking because this is a disease! Your body and mind are sick and you cannot control them at this point.

I know it's hard, and for many people it takes several relapses before they can get a hold on a life in recovery, it took me about 4 of them.

Here are some recommendations that have helped me:

1. come to this website every single day and read/post. Talking about our disease helps us!
2. commit yourself to a program of recovery, whether it is AA or something else, try a few out and find one that you think may work for you.
3. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Call people, talk to people, BEFORE you pick up a drink.
and most important for me was:
4. Stay as busy as possible! Fill up all of your spare time with anything that will keep your hands and your brain busy. I choose books, puzzles, movies, and games. They keep my mind off booze and my hands busy.

Don't beat yourself up, coming to this place has shown great courage.

Actually, when it comes to actually quitting, I don't think there really IS more to this than the decision not to drink. The key is that it has to be a true decision, not an "I'll try..." or "If it's not too awful I'll do it ...." thing. Some of us like making the decision as a lifetime commitment; others prefer to view it as a daily decision. But make no mistake: the decision is the key.

Lots of things can help us with keeping that commitment. Social support, programs, proper nutrition, exercise, counseling, etc. But those things simply support the decision: they can never substitute for it.

your life is unmanageable and it is in danger. for many years i would think about how i would never be able to quit - how i would have to go back and "uncheck that box" or get a new brain....because i unfortunately had the alcoholic box checked and the brain i was given loved for me to drink. the words that changed my life were "you gotta do the work" sometimes good things take a lot of work and although it sounds threatening it is worth it. whatever "the work" is for you...i don't know but for me it was inpatient treatment. i knew i had to do something drastic - after all we alcoholics do seem to like extremes...best of everything to you in your search for what works in getting sober. God bless ya

When I first came to this site, I didn’t take it that seriously and had only committed to 30 days sober. I thought that after that I would be able to drink normally or that I would like myself sober and just quit. SR members suggested that I go 90 days not 30, and I committed to that with the same nonchalant attitude, but as a refrained from drinking and read more and more stories I saw myself in them. I had that “moment of clarity; the tears flowed and the denial ended. I knew that I would continue to progress in this addiction until I let it rob me of my life. I am now coming up on 7 weeks sober, and I plan with all my heart and mind to stay that way. Seriously, am I going to let booze destroy me? F*** no!

Keep reading and posting! Texas. This room is a great start :)

Thanks again SR for everything

My bottom line.....regardless of anything else....
I had to want sobreity more than I wanted to drink.

I certainly hope you will soon reach that point and learn how
wonderful a life sans alcohol is....:yup:

Welcome to our recovery community....:wave:

What everyone else has said, for sure! :c011:

But I too have struggled and still am. I also need to change more than just "not drinking." I have some drinking routines I need to do away with, some comfortable habits. Friends and family are not an issue for me but I really have to find new ways to cope instead of using.

Two words...Mental Obsession

Once the alcohol is out of my body I still have the mental obsession. It is the mental obsession that drives me to pick up a drink again..that convinces me that it would be alright.

I know the truth, yet I am drinking again.

This is my story as well.

I can relate totally.

My recent thoughts were....if you want to drink, you really don't have the desire to stop drinking.

My idea was that if I really want to drink, that is why sobriety is not working for me....

How is that for crazy?

Yes, I fell for that lie, and started drinking again.

Quickly, I feel badly again.

Clearly that idea was a bad/old idea.

I know for me when things are going bad or when things are going good, that idea to drink again, crops up, and it's always that good or bad...be good or bad....choice, and sometimes, I just stop being good.

I don't know anymore.

I hope others can help us both.

:)

I suggest you Google and read the AA documents "The Doctors Opinion", "How It Works" and "The Promises of Alcoholics Anonymous".

See if you can identify (not compare) with what is presented in those documents.

If you can, then AA is probably the answer for you. As tomsteve said "You can get off the "Down" elevator any time.

Good luck and best wishes.

Bob R

Ive written this in a lot of posts lately it seems so I apologize to those of you who have read this several times already.

Alcohol was not my problem. Staying sober was my problem. When I quit drinking, I didnt put down my problem. I put down the only thing that has ever worked for me. Without it I was lost. Having quit drinking, I had to have something to substitute. Without a program of recovery, I am going to relapse again and again. I needed a new answer. Simply putting down the drink is not enough to get well. I need to take some action to get better.

No need to apologize. We have a "daily reprieve" so we probably should be reminded daily. Thank you.

All the best.

Bob R

A relapse is simply a decision to drink again. By keeping this to its simplest form, the answer becomes clear. Don't decide to drink.

What follows from that then is the necessity of doing everything you can possibly imagine to keep to your decision.

I made a list of things to do to make this easy for me. What do non drinking people do?
They don't have booze in their house.
They don't drive to the liquor store.
They don't go to a bar or a club.
They don't go to a BBQ without something non alcoholic to drink.

Your 'intention' to stop drinking needs to become a solemn vow that you will never drink again, nothing could ever happen to make you drink. Imagine grief, loneliness, frustration. You will accept them and deal with them sober, no matter what.

Imagine, pretend, whatever, for a minute that you don't drink. What happens when you wake up? What will happen, what will you do that would signal that you don't drink?

Make your own list and do it. Your life depends on it. Or don't do it, suit yourself, but make no mistake: the choice is yours to make. What is your plan for continuing to drink? What does it mean if you don't have a plan?

Repose back
 

Thank you everyone for their input! (:

I recently moved so my support network has decreased greatly. (Staying with recovering alcoholics/addict, had sober a 'playground & playmates' also more AA) I haven't gone to a local AA meeting here yet, I plan on going to one tonight. I have a handful of friends who are in recovery which we're pretty consistent in keeping in touch and checking on each other- I have found this helps tremendously. As of right now that's about the extent of my support.

I know certain people, places and emotions are major triggers for me, once being around them, the mental obsession and cravings are unbearable resulting in picking up a bottle. So why I chose to see those people, or go to those places thinking "I'll just drink a coke, and everything will be fine" is beyond me. Inside I know it'll more then likely be just a matter of time before I can take it and drink. I'm going to have to find out what works best for me in order to change number one, my thought process, secondly too lose those friends that go out and drink every day, three go to AA after work and not the liquor store, but my biggest hurdle is to go through/feel the 'unpleasant' emotions sober, something I haven't done in six years.

Instant- "I tried to tell myself that 'I was not successful on this occasion' rather than 'I failed'. We are learning to live sober not 'give up alcohol'. it can be done." I love that last sentence. I'm going to keep reminding myself that daily.

FlyerFan.. Isn't there a saying like idol hands are the devil's workshop, to me it's crazy how real that saying becomes in terms of sobriety & recovery.

Some post say "You have to want sobriety more then you want to drink" My feelings are a little mixed on that. I completely agree, a person has to want to be better more then they want their next high or drunk. With that said, after all the destruction my use has caused, I should never want to even think of picking up a beer or shot glass, but those thoughts still happen, I still struggle with doing so.

"Alcohol was not my problem. Staying sober was my problem. When I quit drinking, I didnt put down my problem. I put down the only thing that has ever worked for me. Without it I was lost. Having quit drinking, I had to have something to substitute. Without a program of recovery, I am going to relapse again and again. I needed a new answer. Simply putting down the drink is not enough to get well. I need to take some action to get better" I can relate to that so well, especially right now.

I'm about to leave the house, I wish I had more time to respond to each of ya'll, I will definitely be coming back to SR daily, I was a little unsure about how things would go when I first posted, but it seems like there is a great group of people on here, a new resource for support. Thank ya'll, I appreciate it :ghug3

you know I've never heard that before. lol. but that makes perfect sense! One of my favorite hobbies has become jigsaw puzzles, because it keeps my brain thinking and my hands searching for the right piece. :)

Texas, one thing you're going to find is that when you first give up substances your mind can remain in a very hyper-active state for quite a while. The natural proclivity is to again use substances to quiet down all the mental chatter. If you give it enough time tho the mind will quiet down on its own.

Drugs and alcohol sedate the mind for a very short period of time then when they wear off everything gets slammed into reverse, racing thoughts, sense of impending doom, the whole 9 yards. Most alcoholics know these feelings well and the irony is that the very things we use to self-medicate it are the major causes of it.

Patience has never been the alcoholics strong suit but you must develop it to a degree to get over the hump. Try using things like exercise and whatever else works for you to get over the rough period of recovery. Support groups of all types incliuding this forum offer an excellent way to channel a lot of that pent up mental energy. Just remember that millions of others have tried the alcohol experiment and it never works. Hang in there, stay strong and remember that it is a battle you can win.