Not ready to stop? or Simply not seriously about sobriety?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 9
The addicted mind...
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne 
Texas, one thing you're going to find is that when you first give up substances your mind can remain in a very hyper-active state for quite a while. The natural proclivity is to again use substances to quiet down all the mental chatter. If you give it enough time tho the mind will quiet down on its own.
Drugs and alcohol sedate the mind for a very short period of time then when they wear off everything gets slammed into reverse, racing thoughts, sense of impending doom, the whole 9 yards. Most alcoholics know these feelings well and the irony is that the very things we use to self-medicate it are the major causes of it.
Patience has never been the alcoholics strong suit but you must develop it to a degree to get over the hump. Try using things like exercise and whatever else works for you to get over the rough period of recovery. Support groups of all types incliuding this forum offer an excellent way to channel a lot of that pent up mental energy. Just remember that millions of others have tried the alcohol experiment and it never works. Hang in there, stay strong and remember that it is a battle you can win.
Drugs and alcohol sedate the mind for a very short period of time then when they wear off everything gets slammed into reverse, racing thoughts, sense of impending doom, the whole 9 yards. Most alcoholics know these feelings well and the irony is that the very things we use to self-medicate it are the major causes of it.
Patience has never been the alcoholics strong suit but you must develop it to a degree to get over the hump. Try using things like exercise and whatever else works for you to get over the rough period of recovery. Support groups of all types incliuding this forum offer an excellent way to channel a lot of that pent up mental energy. Just remember that millions of others have tried the alcohol experiment and it never works. Hang in there, stay strong and remember that it is a battle you can win.
When those feelings of racing thoughts, impending doom and the sheer depression & anxiety hit after a person has stopped using/drinking, What besides contacting those in recovery can help? I've had one of the hardest and upsetting days I've had to deal with in years, and right now, all I can think about is how much 'better' (yes temporary) I'd feel if I were drunk... I want to stop thinking, stop reminding myself of all my failures, just stop my thoughts. I'm doing everything I can to not go downstairs and grab a beer from the fridge.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Originally Posted by Texas21SFASU
When those feelings of racing thoughts, impending doom and the sheer depression & anxiety hit after a person has stopped using/drinking, What besides contacting those in recovery can help? I've had one of the hardest and upsetting days I've had to deal with in years, and right now, all I can think about is how much 'better' (yes temporary) I'd feel if I were drunk... I want to stop thinking, stop reminding myself of all my failures, just stop my thoughts. I'm doing everything I can to not go downstairs and grab a beer from the fridge.
Well, first of all it's completely normal not to want to feel that way, who in their right mind would? The problem is that we know alcohol will provide temporary relief but the catch is that you'll end up feeling even worse when it wears off. It's kind of a no-brainer that alcohol isn't really any kind of a solution, it just makes everything even worse.
I used everything I could find including a lot of esoteric stuff like all the mind expansion without drugs stuff I could find. That would include meditation, visualization and all the related fields. If you know how to use the bit torrents download the work of a guy named Richard Bandler. I found his work quite helpful, he called it Design Human Engineering. It's all over the bit torrents so it's easy to find.
This is an old thread but there are some things on there I found useful : http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...p-central.html
Again, the key thing is to learn to use the mind to elicit the sense of peace and happiness that is an innate part of all of us. There are so many things you could try, the list is endless. Outside of the usual stuff like exercise, support groups etc. those are some of the things I used.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 328
Originally Posted by Texas21SFASU
I recently moved so my support network has decreased greatly.
No friends around means no drinking buddies around, no alcohol-soaked parties to attend, no one to encourage you to chug with them, etc... Aside from which, a change of decor can help shake up some old habits as well.
I've moved recently too, and I find it a lot easier not to think about alcohol when I'm not sitting on the couch I used to get wasted on and when friends aren't texting me to go out to bars.
Best of luck.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Texas21SFASU
AFTER all that's been lost, why don't I say no? How bad does rock bottom have to be for someone to never want to pick up another drink again? Maybe I'm just not committed enough to sobriety, not taking it seriously? Maybe I subconsciously am not ready to stop? How do I know when I'm finally ready to not want to drink ever again? I don't want to continue drinking like this. I want to be one hundred percent free from this addiction...
If a "bad enough" bottom what what it took to get and stay sober, alcoholISM probably wouldn't exist. Sooner or later we'd all hit that bad-enough point, summon our will power and just stop. While many CAN and do stop when things get bad enough, alcoholics (the type of alkie many of us are, I mean) soldier on and continue drinking. In my own life and in the lives of many dozens of alkies I know personally, a "bad enough bottom" is not powerful enough to get sober, stay sober, and find a happy way to life a serene life.
I couldn't "commit" to a life of sobriety until I started to believe that it (a sober life) was sufficiently rewarding. In other words, until I believed it was really possible to stop drinking AND enjoy life, I wasn't going to commit to stopping.
Once I had that revelation (that I could get sober, stay sober, and love my life), just "believing" it wasn't enough......I had to start taking a lot of actions like: quit putting what I want first all the time, become willing to put the needs of others ahead of mine, actually DO things for others more than for myself, get honest about who I REALLY am and what I really do in life (NOT who I really think I am nor what do I think I should do.....but get honest about what actually DO), and I had to start making some inroads into cleaning up the messes I've made rather than continue to ignore them.
Doing that work above ^^^^^, when I started DOING it......that's the indicator that I was serious about sobriety, about recovery and had made it a priority. Prior to doing anything about it.....I wasn't really committed no matter how much I told myself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I like this thread, it ties into a couple of things I've been thinking about recently.
First, I think it's hard to make a change. Sobering up is a big lifestyle change, and it's scary. When you "bottom out" you hit such a low that it shocks you off your routine and slaps you to your senses. It breaks the inertia of continued habitual boozing. But we don't always sober up at low points, so what we call "bottoming out" is usually determined in hindsight.
For example, I can think of many low points through which I simply kept on drinking. The times I quit drinking end up defined after-the-fact as times when I "bottomed out"--the other times end up just being "bad days".
To the idea that "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink", well, I think over the long-term, that's probably got a lot of truth to it.
See, I think many people who quit drinking really would, deep down, rather remain a drinker than start being sober, at least when they first quit. Then they detox, get those withdrawals behind them, get their brain chemistry back in whack, maybe make new sober friends in AA, or whatever they end up doing to start building a rewarding sober life. And eventually they come around to having a desire to hold on to what sobriety brings and what it's about, and that desire outweighs any lingering yearning for a return to the lighter side of alcohol abuse.
And then, on the other hand some people don't get there. They get sobered up, maybe for awhile, but they aren't having fun being sober and they miss that drinking life. For whatever reason, the sober side of them doesn't take root and grow.. or maybe they just really love the sauce right now. (hell, I loved the sauce for the better part of ten years of heavy drinking, I'm not judging, but it just wasn't the same anymore after awhile)
Most drunks like getting drunk--that's how they got to be drunks in the first place. To stay sober you either get clean and then find out you like your new life of sobriety more than getting drunk (and you truly get what you put in, here, if you put in the work at sobriety you have much better chance of actually liking it), or you realize one day that you actually don't like getting drunk anymore (whether that's just "I don't get 'fun' drunk anymore it's just depressing" or "I can't deal with all the crap that comes with being a drunk anymore" or something, it's all kind of the same thing for purposes of discussion).
Either way, the equation has to change on one side or the other. Either sobriety becomes more valuable, or drunkenness becomes less valuable.
If the equation stays the same then why would the product end up any different over the long term?
Okay that was like a wall of text, I hope some of it actually made sense.
for reading if you got this far 
First, I think it's hard to make a change. Sobering up is a big lifestyle change, and it's scary. When you "bottom out" you hit such a low that it shocks you off your routine and slaps you to your senses. It breaks the inertia of continued habitual boozing. But we don't always sober up at low points, so what we call "bottoming out" is usually determined in hindsight.
For example, I can think of many low points through which I simply kept on drinking. The times I quit drinking end up defined after-the-fact as times when I "bottomed out"--the other times end up just being "bad days".
To the idea that "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink", well, I think over the long-term, that's probably got a lot of truth to it.
See, I think many people who quit drinking really would, deep down, rather remain a drinker than start being sober, at least when they first quit. Then they detox, get those withdrawals behind them, get their brain chemistry back in whack, maybe make new sober friends in AA, or whatever they end up doing to start building a rewarding sober life. And eventually they come around to having a desire to hold on to what sobriety brings and what it's about, and that desire outweighs any lingering yearning for a return to the lighter side of alcohol abuse.
And then, on the other hand some people don't get there. They get sobered up, maybe for awhile, but they aren't having fun being sober and they miss that drinking life. For whatever reason, the sober side of them doesn't take root and grow.. or maybe they just really love the sauce right now. (hell, I loved the sauce for the better part of ten years of heavy drinking, I'm not judging, but it just wasn't the same anymore after awhile)
Most drunks like getting drunk--that's how they got to be drunks in the first place. To stay sober you either get clean and then find out you like your new life of sobriety more than getting drunk (and you truly get what you put in, here, if you put in the work at sobriety you have much better chance of actually liking it), or you realize one day that you actually don't like getting drunk anymore (whether that's just "I don't get 'fun' drunk anymore it's just depressing" or "I can't deal with all the crap that comes with being a drunk anymore" or something, it's all kind of the same thing for purposes of discussion).
Either way, the equation has to change on one side or the other. Either sobriety becomes more valuable, or drunkenness becomes less valuable.
If the equation stays the same then why would the product end up any different over the long term?
Okay that was like a wall of text, I hope some of it actually made sense.
for reading if you got this far 12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Notmyrealname
To the idea that "you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink", well, I think over the long-term, that's probably got a lot of truth to it.
See, I think many people who quit drinking really would, deep down, rather remain a drinker than start being sober, at least when they first quit.
See, I think many people who quit drinking really would, deep down, rather remain a drinker than start being sober, at least when they first quit.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
AFTER all that's been lost, why don't I say no? How bad does rock bottom have to be for someone to never want to pick up another drink again?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Carlisle, PA
Posts: 2
I have been drinking for 35 years. The other month a 29 year old neighbor of mine was found dead in her bed (I don't know what happened), and it amazes me that I haven't died in my sleep yet. It really shook me up and again I woke up this morning surprised that I'm still alive. I am going to go to an AA meeting at noon. I find myself looking for excuses why I can't do it today. I don't want to hear these excuses but they keep coming to mind. I smoked for 37 years and gave it up 3 years ago and don't miss it much, so I ought to be able to fight this battle as well.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
In retrospect, my biggest hurdle was my perception of sobriety.
I have an uncle who is very 'into' longevity. His parents lived into their late 90's and his goal is to do the same. As such, he doesn't drink or smoke. Growing up he was the butt of family jokes. Like - "90 years of THAT? I'd rather be dead! LOL!!". I agreed whole heartedly.
So I kept feeling like I 'had' to quit. But like you 'have' to clean your bathroom or do some other unpleasant chore.
So basically for me the turning point was really believing that sober life would be better thank drinking life. And not like roasted carrots are marginally better than boiled carrots (ie - still ****) but that sober life would be GREAT. Would be far superior to drinking life and virtually indistinguishable from 'normal drinking' life. Because that's the thing. 'normal drinking' life that we obsess over? Is just normal life. Normal drinking doesn't play a big part in a normal drinkers life
So giving up on my big dream of being able to drink normally. Realizing that sober life WAS normal life and was going to be much more fun and relaxing than my inevitable brand of drinking. Those were the key elements of my sobering up.
For me it had little to do with 'bottoms' or anything like that.
I used Rational Recovery/AVRT for my recovery.
There is this book about change that my H read for work. And one point that I clearly remember is that people typically don't change when they try to discontinue the 'bad' but rather when they duplicate the 'good'. So you're much more likely to succeed if you go and DO sober, enjoyable things. Than if you spend your days desperately trying NOT to drink.
I have an uncle who is very 'into' longevity. His parents lived into their late 90's and his goal is to do the same. As such, he doesn't drink or smoke. Growing up he was the butt of family jokes. Like - "90 years of THAT? I'd rather be dead! LOL!!". I agreed whole heartedly.
So I kept feeling like I 'had' to quit. But like you 'have' to clean your bathroom or do some other unpleasant chore.
So basically for me the turning point was really believing that sober life would be better thank drinking life. And not like roasted carrots are marginally better than boiled carrots (ie - still ****) but that sober life would be GREAT. Would be far superior to drinking life and virtually indistinguishable from 'normal drinking' life. Because that's the thing. 'normal drinking' life that we obsess over? Is just normal life. Normal drinking doesn't play a big part in a normal drinkers life
So giving up on my big dream of being able to drink normally. Realizing that sober life WAS normal life and was going to be much more fun and relaxing than my inevitable brand of drinking. Those were the key elements of my sobering up.
For me it had little to do with 'bottoms' or anything like that.
I used Rational Recovery/AVRT for my recovery.
There is this book about change that my H read for work. And one point that I clearly remember is that people typically don't change when they try to discontinue the 'bad' but rather when they duplicate the 'good'. So you're much more likely to succeed if you go and DO sober, enjoyable things. Than if you spend your days desperately trying NOT to drink.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Great thread.
I like the idea of you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Roger. Check.
But I also like what Veritas pointed out as an obstacle: the thought "if you want to drink, you really don't have the desire to stop drinking."
Clever disease, isn't it? Of course we want to drink -- we're alcoholics! But that says nothing about our desires as individuals.
I like the idea of you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Roger. Check.
But I also like what Veritas pointed out as an obstacle: the thought "if you want to drink, you really don't have the desire to stop drinking."
Clever disease, isn't it? Of course we want to drink -- we're alcoholics! But that says nothing about our desires as individuals.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
jameel27...Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...
I do hope your de tox runs smoothly....and that you will not hesitate
to call your doctor if things get scary.
Withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous and very uncomfortable.
Please do keep posting with us...good to know you are here
and heading into a sober future...
I too was a long time drinker and my years as an AA recovry
alcoholic have been an adventure in living well and sober.
I do hope your de tox runs smoothly....and that you will not hesitate
to call your doctor if things get scary.
Withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous and very uncomfortable.
Please do keep posting with us...good to know you are here
and heading into a sober future...
I too was a long time drinker and my years as an AA recovry
alcoholic have been an adventure in living well and sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: bethpage, ny
Posts: 2
hi everyone. this is my 1st post/reply. i am struggling with the wwhole not ready to stop thing. i don't want to live this way but i believe i want to continue. really is kinda incredible. i haven't gotten in legal or work trouble (yet) but my fiancee thinks i'm a liar....and when it comes to drinking i am
i am sitting here, after another fight as i see this relationship breaking apart swaring i will do what it takes to get better. but deep down, i just don't want to. is that the addiction talking?
has anyone else been here?
thanks for reading
i am sitting here, after another fight as i see this relationship breaking apart swaring i will do what it takes to get better. but deep down, i just don't want to. is that the addiction talking?
has anyone else been here?
thanks for reading
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
joe2038 ...
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum.
how about sitting down with pen and paper and writing a list
of the Pro's and Con's about your drinking?
It's not about the troubles you don't yet have..
.it's about the ones you do. ...IMO
How important is drinking to you at this point?
Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum.
how about sitting down with pen and paper and writing a list
of the Pro's and Con's about your drinking?
It's not about the troubles you don't yet have..
.it's about the ones you do. ...IMO
How important is drinking to you at this point?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by joe2038
hi everyone. this is my 1st post/reply. i am struggling with the wwhole not ready to stop thing. i don't want to live this way but i believe i want to continue. really is kinda incredible. i haven't gotten in legal or work trouble (yet) but my fiancee thinks i'm a liar....and when it comes to drinking i am
i am sitting here, after another fight as i see this relationship breaking apart swaring i will do what it takes to get better. but deep down, i just don't want to. is that the addiction talking?
has anyone else been here?
thanks for reading
i am sitting here, after another fight as i see this relationship breaking apart swaring i will do what it takes to get better. but deep down, i just don't want to. is that the addiction talking?
has anyone else been here?
thanks for reading
I can relate with knowing I need to stop and not wanting to entirely.
I hope it won't take from you what it has taken from me.
I hope we both lead healthy long lives and stop hurting ourselves and others.
I went back to AA today and enjoyed a good meeting. I picked up the phone and called three women from the program. I got honest about drinking again.
Sometimes it's hard to change, and let go of the way of life that we have been living.
I heard today that part of us...Mark H. called it our ego...doesn't want us to change.
I don't really understand it too well at this point but I am trying to understand just why I do what I do.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Originally Posted by joe2038
hi everyone. this is my 1st post/reply. i am struggling with the wwhole not ready to stop thing. i don't want to live this way but i believe i want to continue. really is kinda incredible. i haven't gotten in legal or work trouble (yet) but my fiancee thinks i'm a liar....and when it comes to drinking i am
i am sitting here, after another fight as i see this relationship breaking apart swaring i will do what it takes to get better. but deep down, i just don't want to. is that the addiction talking?
has anyone else been here?
thanks for reading
i am sitting here, after another fight as i see this relationship breaking apart swaring i will do what it takes to get better. but deep down, i just don't want to. is that the addiction talking?
has anyone else been here?
thanks for reading
You have to desperately want and need to be sober for it to happen, and especially so for it to last. You have to believe in yourself 100% that you are going to live a sober life and that is what you WANT. Because if you don't want it, it's not going to happen - it may happen for a short period of time, but you'll just be waiting for a moment in which to give in.
Swearing that you'll do what it takes to get better for her benefit but not actually wanting to is just another one of the lies you mention, Joe. You don't HAVE to drink any longer - you can enjoy a sober life and do all the things you aspire to do... be the person you want to be. Drinking only causes problems... it never solves them. You can be sober... but you have to want it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: bethpage, ny
Posts: 2
thank you so much (everyone) for your priceless insight.
i am no closer to figuring this out, but it really feels good to hear from people who have been there. i used to always get angry when people told me i'm not the only one going through this. it seemed to trivialize what i was going through. i guess that is just another way of thinking that needs to change : )
thanks again...you'll be hearing from me again soon
i am no closer to figuring this out, but it really feels good to hear from people who have been there. i used to always get angry when people told me i'm not the only one going through this. it seemed to trivialize what i was going through. i guess that is just another way of thinking that needs to change : )
thanks again...you'll be hearing from me again soon
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
