gfneedshelp22

Hello everyone! And thank you for clicking on my thread. I am a newbie here, and in need of some advice. Let me give you some background information.

My boyfriend and I are recovering opiate addicts. We were actively using for 2-3 years (can't remember exact time, it was all kind of a fog) and have been sober from opiates for 10 months now. It is the best gift that I have given myself. I have now found healthy outlets such as fitness, nutrition, and dieting. I am back in nursing school, and enjoying life to the fullest. I am on suboxone for maintenance, and am slowly tapering off. I would like to call my new found sobriety a success story, but I am taking it one day at a time, so for now, it is a successful journey.

I write to you today, because I can't exactly say the same for my boyfriend. For some reason, he found it to be a bad thing to be on suboxone. He wanted off as quickly as he could. He actually managed to come off of a high dose quite quickly, which I was proud of. Except for the fact that he did it by replacing one evil with another. When he would experience withdrawal symptoms from tapering down quickly from the suboxone, he would drink some whiskey to take the edge off. At first, I didn't think much of it. (Probably not the best thought or lack of thought I have ever had). He only did it every once in a while, so I didn't even consider it becoming a problem. However, over time it got more and more frequent, and he began to drink even when he wasn't withdrawing. So 3 months down the road, he completely quit the suboxone, and was now drinking about a half pint of Jack every other day. This has slowly progressed from them, and he is now up to a half pint, often more, rarely less of Jack daily. I know he has a problem, but as a recovering addict, I also know that it is nearly impossible to get somebody to quit if they are not ready themselves.

His mother and I don't get along, because of mistakes I made as a user. However, she has recently come to me as she has noticed his problem as well. She wants to meet with me tonight for coffee, and discuss what we can do to stop this. I noticed a trend when we were discussing quitting opiates with her. She often blamed me for his habit, said that he wasn't the "addict type," and his addiction was just physical and not mental. She holds him on a pedestal (which I can't blame her for, he's really an amazing guy) and I fear that this will prevent her from truely seeing that he is in fact an alcoholic. The other day, she had him promise not to drink, and he did anyways. This hurt her, and she couldn't understand why I was telling her not to take it personally. She refuses to look up information on alcoholism, as she believes he doesn't have alcoholism, he is just addicted to alcohol temporarily. If that makes sense. Anyways, I was wondering if any of you have any advice on what I can talk about with her tonight? To help her help him, and not push him away and just make him angry? Advice for me would be great too. I am a recovering addict, and I was great at helping myself, but not so sure how I will be helping someone I can't relate to at the present moment.

Also wondering if you can tell me what the severity of his withdrawals might be if he decides to quit in the near future? I know it is extremely dependant on the person, but anybody that used to drink around the same amount as him that has any advice would be appreciated. As I stated earlier, he drinks probably between 1/2-1pint of Jack Daniels a day, rarely less, and I would say a bit more on the weekends. Usually only in the afternoon, but every once in a while all day. There have been about 5 occassions where he has "blacked out," from drinking. I hope I don't offend anyone with what I have said, I'm new to this forum, and don't mean any offense by anything. Thanks again for reading, and I look forward to hearing from you.

NewBeginning010

Hi gfneedshelp22,

Firstly... welcome to SR

In regards to his addiction he has to want to do this, unfortunately until he reaches that point it is a difficult task ahead. Others will be along with their advice & experience. You (and his mother) may find a lot of support in the friends & family section here and Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups

Friends & Family of Alcoholics Forum - Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Please do your best to get him to see a doctor to get a check on his current health levels & especially be a part of his withdrawal... it can be deadly.

Take care of yourself & keep up on the great work of recovery you are doing, so proud of you.

All of the best ~ NB

NewBeginning010

I forgot to ask one question... Does he think he has a problem/want to quit?

That is a game changer ;-)

Some links to the Friends & Family reading section:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...c-reading.html

CarolD

There is simply no way to predict how difficult the de tox from alcohol will be...too many varibles to be accurate

Yes I do hope he will quit and seeing a doctor is a wise idea.

Well done on your opiate free months...that's good news...
welcome...

gfneedshelp22

Thank you for your response! He just admitted recently that he knows he is an alcoholic. However, I'm not sure on the whole wanting help thing. He gets quiet and avoids the discussion more often than not.

Also, I'm not necessarily looking for advice on how to help him quit, which I should have been more clear on. I'm more looking for advice on how to talk to his mom. How to maybe open her eyes to the fact that she won't be able to make him quit, or how to even help her to understand alcoholism, or that he is an alcoholic better. Or maybe a website I can send her to? She refuses to go to al-anon as my family has, and has told me that the majority of the literature that I have sent her doesn't pertain to her son.

MetalChick

I would be pissed if my BF talked to my mom about my alcoholism. I don't think it would have done anything to help me at all. I see people do it on that show, Intervention, but I think that is different and under the guidance of an addiction counselor.

gfneedshelp22

I respect your opinion on this, and I can see why. Had my boyfriend come to my parents with my addiction, I would have been pissed too. On the other side of it however, I would have thanked him. I think this is all very dependant on the relationship with said bf and your parents, or in my case, me and my boyfriend's parents. The reason I am meeting her is not to tell her every little thing that he does, as she already knows he has a problem. The reason I am meeting with her is to try and make sure she doesn't try to force him into something he doesn't want to do, and ends up pushing him away. Although his mother and I have our differences, I would never want to see their relationship deteriorate, and so if I can do anything at all to facilitate this I will. Again, thanks for your opinion. I should also note that I am seeing an addiction counselor twice per week, and have discussed this with him.

choublak

If she doesn't see it, she doesn't see it. You may not be able to convince her.

NewBeginning010

Hi gfneedshelp22,

I would post this in the Friends & Family section for the best results re family & alcoholism. Be specific about the current situation with him & what you are trying to achieve with his mother ;-)

MetalChick

Yep, every situation is different. Good luck with the mother, and congrats on being opiate free. I have a lot of friends smoking or shooting Oxy. It seems like a plague where I live. A couple have quit, some are on methadone, and 2 quit and became alcoholics(or where already alcoholics). I hope for the best for you BF