Noro

I've decided that I finally have to call it quits, for good. I want to get sober now more than before. Alcohol has absolutely no place in my life, and I learned my lesson last night, laying in bed with nothing to drink, unable to sleep, and just feeling everything that I've been trying to drink off my mind the past few weeks since my relapse. I have plans to go back to school and start working full time again. Alcohol will take that all away and leave me with nothing to show for it.

So this is my new day one. I know what happens every time I give in and decide "Why not?" and start drinking again. I only do more damage and waste more time. Hopefully I'll stick to it this time, and if that means getting into a program, then I will. I suppose one big thing that is different this time around is that I have plans to keep myself busy and start rebuilding my life.

paul1664

nice one and well done - im on day one again aswell - even got in touch with my ex wife and asked her to dig out my B.B

Noro

Glad you decided to quit, Paul. I wish you the best. Will you be attending any meetings or joining a program of some kind to help you in recovery?

Stevie1

Good for both of you.

paul1664

i do plan to start attending meeting again - but i need to calm down first as im in a very angry place at the mo - and wouldnt want to put that anger on to any one else.

so for the next few days im just doing a days work - coming home and then just crawling onto bed and reading through this site -

instant

I found that once I had committed it was easier to "surrender". What surrender is can be hard to describe, but it was worthwhile me thinking about it early on. It's a bit like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

2granddaughters

All the best Noro and Paul.

Bob R

Noro

Thank you all for the support. The first two things I intend to do is to see a doctor to check what kind of damage I've done to my body since my relapse (hopefully nothing permanent — this truly frightens me), and also to get myself into some kind of program in order to remain sober when it gets tough. I've been living in a lot of regret lately for my relapse, which only led me to drink more. I wish I could go back to two months ago and never pick up that drink again. But all I can do now is stop this cycle and get serious about being sober.

paul1664

so what about yourself noro - what are your plans this time - meetings or recovery and do you mind if i continue this path with you as were both starting again at the same time

Noro

My mistake that led to my recent relapse was that I didn't stay on top of my sobriety. I believed I could do it on my own and allowed my cravings to take control. This time I need to be more serious about it because I don't want to falter again. I will probably look into nearby AA meetings and also Rational Recovery. I definitely think you should look into a program of some kind to help you stay sober, as well. I've personally had one too many failed attempts at this, and I was arrogant to believe I didn't need help. I do think you ought to take a similar approach as well, and find support. There's all kinds of help out there, and people who are going through exactly what we are now.

Sudz No More

You can do it Noro! I am really committed this time out and you can be too. How about writing us that song?

Let's go Man.

Noro

Hey Sudz. I'll definitely write something soon to reflect the freedom of sobriety. In a few days when I'm in a better state of mind, I'll try to record something. I'd love to hear some more of your stuff as well.

F355

The slogan of AVRT (Rational Recovery):

"I never now drink."

Learn to stay sober by learning to live in the "now" and by choosing to remain sober in the "now".

Good luck, Noro!

CarolD

hope this will be your time for a sober future
and it really can be...

Noro

I am nearing the end of day seven, and am craving pretty badly. I saw a doctor recently, and my liver is functioning okay (enzyme levels are still raised, but there is improvement). My pancreas is fine. My stomach, however, has endured a lot of damage, and so the doctor put me on a VERY restricted diet in order to allow my stomach to heal. Normally food is a huge help when I'm craving alcohol, but I can only have the blandest food imaginable right now. Bananas, rice, apple sauce, and toast. That's it. So I basically feel hungry most of the time. Definitely came at a bad time when I've just quit drinking. My cravings have been mostly moderate, with a few spikes, but tonight it got bad and I ended up going to the liquor store and picking up the strongest 24oz can of non-spirit alcohol I could find for $3 (I ended up getting Four Loko ). It's sitting here in my mini-fridge right now. When I was walking home, I decided it was a stupid idea but wanted to keep it "just in case." This is exactly what led to my last relapse.

I know I need to pour it out, and I know what will eventually happen if I don't. I just really want to drink tonight. I've been working on getting my life back on track; applying for jobs, looking into different schools and financial aid, and basically just trying to get back on my feet. After all that motivation and putting work into it, there's a certain "crash" at the end of the day, this stillness. Normally I'd just cook myself something to eat. And obviously, the better alternative is to cook myself a meal, despite my diet plan, rather than drink, as alcohol would probably be the worst thing. At this very moment, I'm trying to do neither.

With that said, I'm having a tough time, but I've got one week tonight.

doggonecarl

Pour it out. You don't really want to lose a week, do you? then have to post yet another, "This is really the last day one for me."

Make your last day one, the last one!

Lenina

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...iscussion.html

Noro and Paul,

Being able to tell the Beast (addiction) and the Addictive Voice apart from my own, higher self, really helped me. AA is a good program to help you live an ethical life. AVRT is a good way to dealing with the addiction itself.

check it out.

Love from Lenina

Noro

You're absolutely right. The last thing I want to do is lose this past week. If I keep doing this "I'm quitting for real this time" thing followed by relapses, then it'll come to the point where I won't even believe myself anymore. If I were to drink, then once I'm all out, I'll be in a world of regret. Yet somehow I still want to drink. I'm going to try to work up the courage to dump out this stupid can of garbage alcohol and stick with my sobriety.

Thanks for the advice Lenina. I've been told about AVRT on this website a few times, and it definitely interests me. I will try to apply this more to my life. I also do intend to start attending AA meetings again. Right now I'm dealing with this on my own and I need to learn to accept help where I can find it.

Dee74

I think each of us reaches a crossroad at some point in our recovery, at least once...

there a road that takes us back to where we've been...and if we're lucky survive the journey we may get back to this same crossroads again some day...

or we can take a road that leads to places we've never been before.

Choose wisely, Noro

D

Noro

I'll keep this in my mind, Dee. Thank you for the great post and advice