LifeBlows

I am finally ready to break things off with the boyfriend today. BUT today is his payday. His trigger is money and the last time I wasn't there when he cashed a paycheque he went off on a crack run. I've been sober 7 days today and I'm supposed to see him tomorrow. I am sure that I will end up drinking should I spend time with him because that is what always happens.

There are times when I feel that I'm going to have a long run of sobriety and this is one of them. I'm afraid that if I don't go and see him (and take his money off him) he is going to go off on a crack run and lose his job. (He left treatment BTW and went back to the shelter due to having some trouble with the other residents).

I only have $48 to my name until next payday and if I start drinking then that will be gone shortly.

What are my obligations to him? Do I have any?

suki44883

No, you have no obligations to him. He's a grown man and if he chooses to blow his whole check on a crack run, that's his business. If he loses his job, that's just the consequences of his lousy choices. He needs to feel those consequences without someone there to cushion his fall.

Your own sobriety is your responsibility and I would guard that with everything in me.

LifeBlows

Thanks for the support. Its hard because I feel like I've left a man to drown.

CarolD

LB....you can't hang out with people who are toxic
and expect to stay sober. You have proven that.

I dumped my still drinking lover to protect my fragile early sobreity.
He survived and I have thrived.

navy0923

You live your life! It is brutal to watch people we care about crash however, you need to take care of you first! Sorry to sound like a jerk, I lived like that for a while and it made my issues worse. Once I decided to take care of me my life fell into line. Hope this helps and I wish you the best.

suki44883

No, you've left a man to swim. He knows how, but has never had to because you were there to hold him up. A drowning person can pull you underwater along with them.

It's time for him to put on his big boy pants and start taking care of himself. It's time for you to take care of yourself and let him sink or swim on his own.

grateful850

I was in a similar situation as your bf. When my ex finally left me I realized I needed to get sober. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Today I'm 225 days sober

ReadyAndAble

Your obligation is to the person you're becoming.

bmwcycle

None, end of story. His is a self inflicted wound!!

Save yourself!!

Huey

I'm afraid that I had to let my Girlfriend of 7 years 'go' under similar circumstances. . . I am still sober. . . Unfortunately, she's just not ready to stop yet. . . 2 addicts in a relationship is unfortunately, a recipe for often terminal disaster.

zjw

there was a demonstration i saw once where A really big person was up on a chair look at me i'm doing so well i can help anyone. Some other smaller person came along who really needed help big guy said surely i can help you i'm so big and strong and doing so well up on my chair i'll help you up on this chair with me. The smaller weeker person said Oh wow thanks and reached out his hand. As the bigger guy pulled the smaller weeker person pulled back. The bigger guy quickly lost his balance and fell off that chair.

The point is you could be so new to sobriety you might not have the stregnth yet to pull that guy up on that chair you may not have a good enough footing yet either.