What Are My Obligations?

Old 07-20-2012, 04:25 PM
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What Are My Obligations?

I am finally ready to break things off with the boyfriend today. BUT today is his payday. His trigger is money and the last time I wasn't there when he cashed a paycheque he went off on a crack run. I've been sober 7 days today and I'm supposed to see him tomorrow. I am sure that I will end up drinking should I spend time with him because that is what always happens.

There are times when I feel that I'm going to have a long run of sobriety and this is one of them. I'm afraid that if I don't go and see him (and take his money off him) he is going to go off on a crack run and lose his job. (He left treatment BTW and went back to the shelter due to having some trouble with the other residents).

I only have $48 to my name until next payday and if I start drinking then that will be gone shortly.

What are my obligations to him? Do I have any?
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:41 PM
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No, you have no obligations to him. He's a grown man and if he chooses to blow his whole check on a crack run, that's his business. If he loses his job, that's just the consequences of his lousy choices. He needs to feel those consequences without someone there to cushion his fall.

Your own sobriety is your responsibility and I would guard that with everything in me.
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Old 07-20-2012, 08:56 PM
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Thanks for the support. Its hard because I feel like I've left a man to drown.
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Old 07-20-2012, 10:28 PM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740 can't hang out with people who are toxic
and expect to stay sober. You have proven that.

I dumped my still drinking lover to protect my fragile early sobreity.
He survived and I have thrived.
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Old 07-22-2012, 06:05 AM
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You live your life! It is brutal to watch people we care about crash however, you need to take care of you first! Sorry to sound like a jerk, I lived like that for a while and it made my issues worse. Once I decided to take care of me my life fell into line. Hope this helps and I wish you the best.
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Old 07-22-2012, 06:19 AM
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Originally Posted by LifeBlows View Post
Thanks for the support. Its hard because I feel like I've left a man to drown.
No, you've left a man to swim. He knows how, but has never had to because you were there to hold him up. A drowning person can pull you underwater along with them.

It's time for him to put on his big boy pants and start taking care of himself. It's time for you to take care of yourself and let him sink or swim on his own.
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:44 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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I was in a similar situation as your bf. When my ex finally left me I realized I needed to get sober. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Today I'm 225 days sober
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Old 07-23-2012, 10:49 PM
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Your obligation is to the person you're becoming.
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Old 07-24-2012, 11:13 AM
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None, end of story. His is a self inflicted wound!!

Save yourself!!
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:09 PM
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I'm afraid that I had to let my Girlfriend of 7 years 'go' under similar circumstances. . . I am still sober. . . Unfortunately, she's just not ready to stop yet. . . 2 addicts in a relationship is unfortunately, a recipe for often terminal disaster.
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:41 PM
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there was a demonstration i saw once where A really big person was up on a chair look at me i'm doing so well i can help anyone. Some other smaller person came along who really needed help big guy said surely i can help you i'm so big and strong and doing so well up on my chair i'll help you up on this chair with me. The smaller weeker person said Oh wow thanks and reached out his hand. As the bigger guy pulled the smaller weeker person pulled back. The bigger guy quickly lost his balance and fell off that chair.

The point is you could be so new to sobriety you might not have the stregnth yet to pull that guy up on that chair you may not have a good enough footing yet either.
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