gottariseabove

I was wondering how many people have problems like this. For me my problem is not necessarily being dependent on alcohol, but that once I start I just cannot stop. And even then it's very dependent on the situation. For instance I could have a beer with a meal and be perfectly fine but when I'm in a social situation (a party or going out to bars with the intention of getting drunk) it all just falls apart. Once I get any kind of buzz I feel like I need to keep it or intensify it and to do so any and all other things go out the window. I don't care how much I spend or how stupid I act as long as I can get more. I know i'm not the only one like this but what exactly is it about "blackout" or "binge" drinkers that makes them like this? I know that many times i rely on alcohol as a "crutch" to make me more social which is for sure a contributing factor, but even when I begin drinking in small groups where I'm perfectly comfortable I can't control my intake. The messed up part is that I usually start to get more social and then just "crash" into a drunken mess so its not even like it's really helping me. Is this just another way alcoholism manifests itself or is this me just not having any self-discipline?

Dee74

You sounds a lot like me - once my 'switch' was flipped that was it until I passed out.

I started as a binge drinker and ended up an all day everyday drinker...

I see them as plot points on the same curve...There was very little difference to be honest...just volume....that and I lost my ability to be ok with one in certain situations.

I think you'll find a lot of us identify with the not being able to stop once you start thing...

D

BackToSquareOne

That's kind of classic binge/bender style drinking. I was the type who had no "off switch" if I was in a situation where I could continue to drink. If I was on the road in a work type of situation where as a practical matter I could only have a beer or two I was also able to do that. All this nonsense that you hear that a "real alcoholic" can never control their drinking is in my opinion just that, nonsense.

MalkavianEmily

If I was in a position where I only had time for one, then I'd only have one. And I'd go out of my way to make sure that was the case. Not that there wouldn't be another one later if I got chance... [One in the morning when I got up, one at lunchtime when I went out or when I was on my way back from shopping, one in the evening when I was waiting for pizza or was passing a pub, or on my way back from getting diet soda, or...]
But if I didn't have to worry about time, or money, or running out... then... yes. Oh look, empty bottle. Time to get a full one. And the number of days I did that was going up. As was the number of 'just one's in a day when I was busy.

endlesspatience

I know what you mean. I think what many of us find is that the "social" opportunities to drink become less and less as a result of other people avoiding us as drinking companions as a result of our stupid behaviour. Then we start drinking alone. Then before we know what happens, we stop caring what other people think about our drinking - and we do it more and more until we too stop caring. That's a very dangerous place because once that happens, we can spiral down into hell very quickly. It's only a few steps from that situation to complete despair. It's great you're seeking help now at this relatively "early" stage as believe me, this thing will progress until you have absolutely no control over it whatsoever.

Innerchild

I was like Dee, a binge drinker last year turned daily and then got to the point everytime I drank I blacked out. Scary!

bbthumper

"We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all; and once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things human, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve."

This is a quote from the Big Book of AA. It is from a section that was written by a Doctor who specialized in the treatment of alcoholics and drug addicts. Not everyone buys into this idea, but I know it explains me exactly.

Once alcohol hits my stomach I have an abnormal reaction, an allergy. It manifests itself as a craving for more. A craving that is far beyond my ability to control. They say 1 in 10 people have this allergy. The part of alcoholism that really gets us though is a mental obsession that tells us over and over again that we can drink normally. That this time will be different. Inevitably we end up drunk and blacked out and wonder how it happened. Its the craving. A hopeless situation. I cant start drinking without getting drunk and I cant stay stopped because my mind keeps convincing me its alright to drink. Physical dependence doesnt have to be a part of alcoholism. Some of us didnt get to that point. Normal folks dont black out regularly though.

Ive been sober 4 years in AA. Best thing that has ever happened to me. Hopefully you can find some answers here.

MetalChick

bbthumper,

"The part of alcoholism that really gets us though is a mental obsession that tells us over and over again that we can drink normally. That this time will be different."

You hit the nail on the head with that statement.

MsJax

Hi gottariseabove I was a daily drinker who drank to blackout multiple times per week. Blackouts in a social setting were very common for me, absolutely horrifying in retrospect and I am very thankful to be alive. I spent hours at a time in blackouts, so much has been lost.

The thing is, it doesn't really matter what makes us like this and it has little to do with self-discipline. For me, it just needed to stop & once I totally gave up the idea of self-discipline, moderation, any of that~I got sober. I don't think analyzing alcoholic behavior is helpful (not for me). Yes, alcohol kicked my butt, it won. The day I admitted that (about 16 months ago) is the day I began to live. I am very grateful.

Please keep us posted with how you are doing.

MetalChick

I agree, I used to have 4- 5 beers before work for like 10 months at a certain job, and no more. I knew how many I could get away with before I was too messed up to work. Of course there where the occasions where I blew off work and continued to drink, but not usually

Anyhow gottariseabove,

It sounds like a defendant drinking problem and I think that a "normal" drinker would quit or moderate greatly after only one blackout, or has never had a blackout. I have learned that alcoholism is progressive, and it can only get worse from here, gottariseabove. I used to be able to have a beer with lunch an be fine. That turned into skipping lunch so I wasn't to full to drink.

MrsKing

What you are describing is me, exactly, almost four months ago. I didn't think of myself as an alcoholic but someone who needed to slow it down a bit. Someone who just couldn't stop once they started. Someone who just needed to train themselves to drink in moderation. Being an alcoholic, to me, meant physical dependence - it meant having shakes, drinking every minute of the day, every day. What I hadn't considered then, was that no alcoholic had BEGUN their drinking 'career' in this way, I hadn't thought that at some stage, they could probably have one or two and think nothing of it. In the same way that I didn't start off drinking until I blacked out, they weren't having shakes from day one. I know now that I am an alcoholic. I may have realised this sooner than some and quit before I got to the point of physical dependence, but I know now that it is in my future if I don't stay sober. I have read enough stories to realise that being an alcoholic doesn't necessarily mean that you are drunk 24/7 - it is what that drink does to you having had it. It is how your body reacts, whether you can control your intake from that point on. I'm not trying to scare you or label you an alcoholic. I'm just saying... it takes time to get to be the alcoholic stereotype that you imagine... and nobody EVER thinks before they get there that that will ever be them. All the best and welcome to SR

aeo1313

I could have written every word of your post. I was a weekend binge drinker and have put a stop to it. From what I have read here from others, it sounds like in a few years I would have become a daily drinker. I don't want that.

Welcome.