MetalChick

Hiya,

I hate to even write this, I was trying to push it out of my mind because it is creating pretty severe anxiety; anxiety that is most likely extreme for the situation. What is making me so nervous is that my BF’s friend is coming over on Saturday, and the last time and first time he was here I drank too much. I wasn’t blackout drunk, but pretty buzzed by the end of the night and the last 20 or so minutes of the night are a bit foggy. My BF said I was fine, but I still feel like a moron, being that no one else drank. I am worried I acted like a lush. Now I am embarrassed to see this guy. It is weird too, because I have done some pretty crazy things drunk, and this doesn’t even compare, but I am still feeling extremely paranoid and nervous. Normally I would drink to get over these nerves, but that would obviously create the problem all over again (although it is tempting just to have one or 2 to take the edge away). Sorry if this concern seems trivial compared to what some people are going through. I could just use some good advice.

Thanks you

TexasBloom

Why not go to a few meetings between now and then, and schedule yourself to be at a meeting for part of the time the friend is over Saturday night? That'll give the guys time to hang out, and you'll benefit from it, too.

As you work through the steps, you'll find that the shame and anxiety decreases.

defense

I do this very same thing. What I do, and I know its hard, is just go into it and see what happens. I have found that generally there is no problem, I wasted days and weeks worrying about nothing. Even when there is something there, the consequences in my cases are not worth worrying about.
One thing I did was see a professional not about drinking, but about my anxiety, self confidence, etc. It did help but I still get the worries. So ill drive on ahead.

You are you ,just like I am I
Good luck, keep your head up.

MetalChick

That isn't a bad idea, TexasBloom

I don't know why I am obsessing over this. I get that knot in my stomach feeling. It would be a lot better if I could remember the last part of the night, maybe. I have had a lot of times where I thought I was fine and then someone mentioned something I did that I didn't remember - I hate that. I was constantly trying to remember everything I did after I sobered up. Another great reason not to drink.

amya30

I am very shy so I always drank too much around new people. I used to fix it by making sure I was drunk before met up with them again so they would just think that was my personality.
Now what I've been doing is telling EVERYONE that I'm a drunk and I'm trying to quit. I'm really hoping that helps in social situations next time. I think it will also help with the teasing I know I would get if I actually turned down a drink. Everyone would be so in shock that I'm sure they would talk about it all night.

MetalChick

Thank you Defense,

LOL, I have been worrying about this for weeks.

That does make me feel a lot better. I am probably worrying for nothing. Anxiety is a problem for me, and that is one of the issues I need to tackle to stay sober. I also obviously worry way too much about what people think about me.

I get really scared too that because I have admitted I am an alcoholic that the floodgates will open, and family members will start saying things about what I have done while drunk, because they were afraid to mention it before. Or now they can put two and two together about my behavior.

amya30

I have found that everyone I've told just says "thank goodness, you deserve to be happy".
Some have admitted addictions to pill that I never knew about.
If you are like me then everyone knows how bad it was for you and will just be happy you are finally taking care of you.

MetalChick

amya30,

Hiya, That is the weird thing for me, I am not shy. I was very jovial and outgoing but anxious, I thought drinking enhanced that while stopping the anxiety, but it eventually lead to all the chaos and BS of course. In the end of my drinking career, coming up on 6 weeks sober this weekend, drinking made me really paranoid around people, and as you can see more anxious then ever.

amya30

I wasn't able to speak to anyone I was so quiet and shy. After a few shots I was happy and could talk to anyone. That's how people knew I was drinking, because I was talking. I was a very happy drunk and a lot of fun to be around. Sober I was sitting in a corner by myself.

tomsteve

this is what i see IMO: it isnt anxiety, paranoia, or nervousness. it is fear.yer afraid of what others think of your past actions and if they think negatively its gonna lower yer self esteem.
the solution that works for me? i fessed up and owned my past actions. i was a sick man back then. today when them sick actions of my past come up, i can say, "yeah i did that. pretty sick of me and glad im not like that any more."
that, plus i was prety good at blowin things up and makin em bigger than they were.

and yer not a moron!! yer just a sicko like the rest of us.

MetalChick

Thank you TomSteve,

You are 100% correct, it is Fear plan and simple.

Thanks for that, really You know what, for some reason that took some of the sting out of it.

I was scared even posting, because I was trying to ignore the "fear," but I am glad I did.

Time to face the fear and kick its butt

MetalChick

You know what, even though I am outgoing, I have always enjoyed introverted people. It takes a little more time to get to know them, but it is worth it. You don't have to be the life of the party to be appreciated.
Lots of people think they are "happy" drunks, but from what I have witnessed, even the 'happiest" drunk turns into something other then happy and fun after too many shots.

CarolD

MC....

I find prayer keeps me in emotional balance...

Want to borrow one?

Dee74

I'm sure you'll be fine MC

We can't undo yesterday, so it's pointless to worry - just relax, you'll be yourself this time so you'll be sure to create a positive memory

D

chrisepic

That's wild. You're describing the same exact flavor of anxiety I have. Usually emerges during social situations. Hard to make eye contact, shortness of breath, tingling, yeah its pretty brutal. I enjoyed a brief year of sobriety in 2007 and the anxiety lasted for several months but the good news is: it subsided, with time, and without medication.

This time I have similar anxiety in my early sobriety however, I have been exercising routinely for 3 months and as a result, the anxiety isn't nearly as bad or frequent as it was in 2007. Plus I go to about 2 meetings a day

I had a job interview and despite my fears of having an anxiety attack, I didn't. One of the best remedies for anxiety is facing that fear head on. It sucks at first but eventually it does subside.

MetalChick

Hi guys, I wanted to give you the update, thanks for giving a darn. Anyways, I made plans for earlier when he came over, but on my way home I thought I was going to have a panic fit. My thoughts told me to go out and get a couple beers to calm yourself and not care, you won't act crazy off a couple beers, you need it, you deserve it , it is the only way. Then I dead set decided to drink. BUT then I did not. I said NO, you will get through this. It has turned out great. I let the "boys" do their own thing, , had a little conversation before he left, and was a good host (I presented my leftover baked Ziti, and they loved it) Whew, I am glad I decided not to drink. I am restoring my dignity slowly but surely. Sobriety is the only way.

Thanks again all

Sudz No More

Awesome! I'm so glad you made it through and keep heading in the right direction.

simplyfab

I know what you mean. One of the things I've learned about myself is that I worry too much about what people think of me. So much that because I'm aware of it now, I don't want to associate with people anymore until I'm better. I hate this about myself. I hate learning that I'm like this. I used an emotional mask for so long, that it was hard for me to see this about myself through a sober and clear mind.

So true! my self esteem and confindence in myself are so shot, that I fear any more blows. Which is why i care so much what others think. Which I truly hate

Metalchick, I don't have much to say but that I know how you feel.
I've been where I was so anxious to see someone or some people I wasnt sure I acted a fool in front of. And for me, it was beyond just that night. It was a reminder of who and how I was. And I didn't like it. It's why I was so anxious.
Those who have too much too drink every once in a long while (non alcoholics) just brush it off and laugh because it was a drunken moment. Not an alcoholic one. For us, its shame.

I'm glad you saw this through without drinking. Keep up the progress...

Much Love,
Simply

MetalChick

simplyfab, and Sudz,

I know the war is just beginning, but I have one more victorious battle under my belt.

Thanks you for you support and kind words. It means a lot to me. You guys are brilliant

Hugs