Sudz No More

It has been so many years to think back on, it is amazing that I lasted without a problem from Alcohol before. Twenty plus years back I was l already hitting 20 measures or more of Vodka or Whiskey on a good night. Just pounding relentlessly with my Band Mates while we jammed in the basement of our first official Bachelor Pad.

Five of us living there in this huge old house near the beach just Animal house partying every night. I couldn't go into the band room without bringing the bottles and of course some powdered iced tea made out of tap water. We all Smoked a lot then too, cigarettes and as much pot as we had and a bucket right in the middle of the room that we and all our friends would gather around to do gravity hits.

I don't think we thought the music would be as good if we didn't get hammered and "feel" the music. After enough hits and shots we would turn on the strobe light behind us and turn out the rest of the lights. Then play our trippiest tunes. I remember finishing an awesome jam and looking out at our friends watching, they said nothing and just stared in amazement.

It was moments like this that kept me getting high when I played, always trying to reach that next moment. Pretty soon though it became abnormal if I didn't at least drink when I played or wrote music.

There are pictures of me holding beer cans to the camera in big studios. I always made sure to pack something, sometimes even bringing a cooler loaded and even the producers would join in.

I remember when it started to seem overt, non drinkers would gawk as I barreled through shots like water. I didn't care, me and my fellow band mates who drank kept doing it and still played well so the non drinkers kept quiet. If we sucked I bet they would have complained.

Then there was the night when on stage in the biggest band I was ever in. Playing to a packed house on a huge stage I was playing a tune I could play with one hand so I started drinking my beer with other while I played. I got cheers from the crowd but ugly stares from the non drinking singer. My Buddy Bass Player Drinker laughed and then at the end of the song proceeded to open the back door to the stage. It led outside and he turned his back and relieved himself, not sure what to do, the alcoholic drummer and I started jamming blues until he was done. Just craziness and I guess I should feel happy to not be damaged from all those years of abuse.

Fast forward twenty years and in my attempts to quit I have latched onto songwriting as a way to think less about drinking. I think the whole time I write about how I am sober writing it. When I listen back later I think of how I can't drink because the song means something to my sobriety and that is sacred.

A strange twist of fate that something I love and damn nearly tore me apart years back now strengthens my resolve to stay sober.

I am reworking a tune I wrote earlier this year that I called "falter". I will now call it "Never Falter". It will take me some days to finish as I plan on making complete orchestration but the process will surely be enlightening.

I'll post a link in the future when it is done.

Have a great day everyone! Let's all enjoy it sober huh?

MetalChick

Hiya Sudz,

I am looking forward to hearing the new song! I can really relate about the music thing. My BF is a musician in a band, and I have been a promoter for shows. Even when I played music at home on a album or cd, I would instantly pick up a beer, and drank a lot after shows I put on, and at shows I attended. I couldn't have imagined not drinking in music related circumstances. I think part of my fear of not drinking was that I thought music wouldn't be the same.

MetalChick

I was going to mention too Sudz, it is interesting that there are a lot of musicians that don't drink at all, or rarely drink. I think everyone pictures a tour bus full of totally drunk and drugged out dudes, but there are lots of exceptions to that I am sure you have seen the best and worst in people.

Sudz No More

Yes, very true for sure. I remember a few years after the first pad where where all partied heavy I got my own place with one other guy. We built this awesome studio in the basement to record tunes. Had the control room separate and everything, I read a bunch of books and could make good recordings.

A singer I knew since the early days had really begun to embrace his Christian faith and asked me to record a track for him with a guy he met at church. This guy that came with him probably rarely drank if at all. A bit older than us at the time, almost kind of church going fatherly. I was so far gone into my drinking that it didn't stop me. I didn't care, I drank shot after shot right at the console while this guy laughed nervously and tried to joke that I wouldn't see the knobs anymore.

I smiled and told him "It doesn't effect that way". At that point it really didn't, I had built up such a huge tolerance it took a quart to get me slurring.

I finished his track with a good mix but I don't think to this guy it mattered. He never came back, probably afraid to return.

After that, I started to try to hide it a bit. I guess that was the beginning of my denial phase.