CloudStrife

I read on this site every day and lately something has happened that I just have to get off my chest.
The latest casualty in my battle with alcoholism has been my best friend of over 9 years.
To give some insight we lived in the same city for five years and hung out all the time. I had problems with alcohol back then but it wasn't as bad as it is now. Even though at times my alcohol use would cause problems between us he was always there for me.
I moved away 3 years ago and we always stayed in touch and remained pretty close.
In those past 3 years my alcohol use has gotten worse. I don't have many friends because of my drinking but he was always there for me.
The past year when I drink I say and text things that I don't really mean the next day and a lot of times they don't even make sense.
My friend recently told me he can no longer be friends with me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore because he can no longer handle my behavior when I drink. It hurts because he has probably been the closest friend I've had.
I'm posting because I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience losing a great friend because of their drinking.
I feel terrible because I feel like I chose alcohol over a friend who has been there for me for a long time. Its like the alcohol is slowly taking everything away from me that might be a distraction to the drinking.

mercurial me

My best friend and I had a lot in common. I was always a heavier drinker than he was but I was always his excuse for (a night to blow off steam, etc). I discovered that I was little more than an excuse for him to go out and drink and we lost a lot of our common interests. I didn't want to just be somebody's excuse to go and and get pissed. I lost respect for myself and him and just said goodbye last year. No regrets.

CloudStrife

My friend does not drink much and I rarely saw him get drunk.
It just feels horrible to lose someone who was a true friend because of the horrible things I would say/ do when drunk.

tomsteve

yup. wont say i lost one single friend or any of the women i was in a relationship whne i was drinking. i chose alcohol over them. getting away from me was the smartest move they all made.

now to the real issue: are you ready to stop drinking?

CarolD

Hmm....I sure can relate to that. By the end of my drinking I had
become a woman I detested. It was a dark time in my life.

That is when I began my sober future...and that has given me an
awesome life without alcohol for decades....

I hope you will soon find your way...alcohol is a toxic liquid
that harms so many people....

CloudStrife

I am ready. Its hard to maintain the focus of staying sober but I am ready to be.
I went to an outpatient rehab but I stopped going last month after my insurance stopped covering it. I slowly started drinking again.
I have an appointment with my doctor on August 2. I'm going to ask her for a prescription for Antibuse to help get me started.

2granddaughters

Sounds like you are just about ready for AA....

All the best.

Bob R

CarolD

Please be aware that Antabuse is not for everyone...it's hard on your
liver thus requiring your doctor test regularly for liver function.
It's also suggested that a program of recovery be used too.
And of course...there is an afterlife to be considered when
you use the drug.

You can quit drinking without it...and you need not wait ..

Yes I tried it too and became so violently ill because I did
drink a single split of champagne 12 hours after the lowest
dose of antabuse....I gave up the Anatbuse...and drank for 4
more months. Then I did stop via AA...

Not recommended that you wait for the drug...which may
or may not be the answer for you.

CloudStrife

I have taken myself to the point where I prefer alcohol over any other human interaction and I know that is a very dangerous place to be.

CarolD

Please take time to see if this is of interest .....

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

CloudStrife

I get mad. I think why does my friend not understand what I'm going through?
The hardest part for me is that my closest friends and even my family dont understand.

Hevyn

Hi Cloud. Oh, yes - I alienated everyone with my attitude at the end of my drinking career. My oldest friends, my most devoted family members, co-workers - no one understood what was wrong with me. I'd turn confrontational and argumentative out of nowhere, and that just isn't me.

Fortunately, the longer I've been sober - the more people have grown to trust that the 'real' me is finally back. No one says much to me about the way I used to behave. You can rise above this dark time in your life. The memories of the bad days dim as time goes by - hopefully your friend will come to understand what you've been through. No matter what, you're on your way to a better life. I'm glad you've made this wise choice.

Anna

I did the same thing as you. And, I knew it was dangerous, and yes, I lost friends. By the end of my drinking days, my life was disappearing before my eyes. Alcohol will steal absolutely everything.

I know you can stop drinking and change your life, and people will begin to trust you again.

MetalChick

Your friend did the hugest favor for you. He stopped letting you abuse him while drunk, and this gave you wake up call. I think that in time and if you stay sober, you will get your friend back, I would just give him time and space. It sounds like your friend cares about you a lot, and I think that in the future he will probably be happy to see you sober.But do not push, give it time, and yourself time to recover.

MrsKing

People don't understand because they are not alcoholics, and from their point of view, if you had any sense you'd just stop. Simple as. People can be sympathetic, but they don't necessarily understand, and even so they will always think "why doesn't he just STOP?" Because it really is as simple as that, for everyone... even alcoholics. Stopping drinking is the only answer. It will be the only thing that can repair your life, your relationships and your self. I am not saying that it is easy to get to that position where you suddenly find yourself saying "I can't do this any longer, and I won't", but that is what it all boils down to - there is no magic button, nothing that will 'change' just because you hope one day it might... it all has to come from within you... a desire to stop that outweighs the desire to continue.

Losing things because of alcohol is so common... it's such a awful place to be in... but you can recover and you don't have to be the person who has that happen to them any more, so long as you stay sober.

I wish you all the best and I'm sorry that you have lost your friend. There's only one way to make that any easier... and possibly change that... and you know exactly what it is. Good luck.

Dee74

Maybe they understand better than you think CloudStrife?
what's rational about this?

It is, as you say, a very dangerous place to be...

A lot of people loved me - they couldn't stand to watch my inevitable crash.

Maybe that's what's going on with your friend?

D

SoberDan

Hi cloud strife, I thought antabuse was my savior it kept me sober for about 6 weeks, I was 100% certain I would never test to see if it worked, and I thought I would never want to drink again once I got over the first month or so. I was wrong My addiction to alcohol was too strong, one day at 6weeks sober something inside wanted me to drink so I drank and couldn't stop even though my face was red as a tomato from high blood pressure had a huge rash all over my body and I felt really sick, next morning I said to myself well least I know the antabuse works I won't do that again but I was wrong, I could have died I just couldn't say no I did it 3 more times and decided I couldn't take antabuse anymore. Alcoholism is cunning baffling and powerful, don't underestimate it. Do yourself a massive favor and go sit in on a AA meeting, there won't be any pressure on you to do or say anything. AA teaches you how to live a great Happy sober life.
I wish you all the best my friend.

MetalChick

They probably do understand. It sounds like you have treated them like dirt, and they are sick of it, and sick of the craziness, broken promises, watching you kill yourself, lies, etc.... Can you blame them?

I am not saying that to be mean at all.

Threshold

He may or may not understand. I don't know how close your friend or family members have been to addiction.

But they most likely DO understand that people DO get sober, and you are not, and probably wonder why.

They most likely DO understand that they cannot save you or fix you, only you can.

They most likely DO understand that there is no point in them allowing you to abuse them or drag them down with you. I mean, who would that help?

They absolutely understand how it feels to lose a friend, they've already lost you to alcohol. They know just how it feels to have someone repeatedly choose booze over interaction with them. They know just how it feels, when they need a friend, to reach out to you and you are either isolating or drunk and thus unavailable.

Maybe they wonder why you don't understand how hard this is on them.

I say this as a recovering addict who has dealt with a boyfriend in active alcoholism.

This "not being there" goes both ways. We want support and understanding, but we don't want to give it back.

We want to be able to retreat to our substance induced haze and ignore the fact that those people need us as a friend and we are not there for them.

For eight months my boyfriend was permanently "out to lunch" due to alcohol.

I am 46 yrs old and I resorted to standing below his second story window and throwing rocks at it trying to get him to open the door, let me know he was alive, etc.

Did I care about him? I think so. Did he care about ME? I think not.

I realized how pathetic things were, how his drinking had now taken over my sanity and was driving me towards crazy behavior. How disrespectful and unfriendlike his behavior towards me was.

When I said "no more" he said "you mean you're dumping me?"

And I looked at him in disbelief "for eight months you would not answer phone calls, door bell, e mail, didn't show up for dates YOU planned, left me alone on holidays...so you could drink. Who dumped who?"

I didn't dump him. He pushed me away and then drowned our relationship in a river of beer.

I'm a recovering addict. I DO understand the grip booze had on him, but that didn't mean I had to go down with his ship.

He is now six weeks sober! We have a relationship again.

MetalChick

Threshold, very well put! I was getting at the same thing, but you said it so much more eloquently.

Glad your story has a happy ending