Irritable or Oversensitive
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
Irritable or Oversensitive
I am currently living with my mother. I have been sober since Saturday and I don't know if its just that I don't have alcohol to numb my emotions or if my mum really is very critical but she is really starting to get on my nerves.
I appreciate that she is giving me a place to stay (which I pay rent for) and all that BUT I think she's also very critical and a bit of a scold. I feel like I am constantly being told off for this and that. Its coming to the point where I no longer want to see her. I don't confide in her because when I try to be vulnerable with her she responds in a very rough way. Plus the things that I tell her tend to get thrown back in my face later. She has made fun of me on things that I have told her.
I think when I drink, my emotions are numb and so her behavior doesn't aggravate me as much as it does when I am sober. Or maybe I'm just irritable because I've only been sober for a couple of days.
I appreciate that she is giving me a place to stay (which I pay rent for) and all that BUT I think she's also very critical and a bit of a scold. I feel like I am constantly being told off for this and that. Its coming to the point where I no longer want to see her. I don't confide in her because when I try to be vulnerable with her she responds in a very rough way. Plus the things that I tell her tend to get thrown back in my face later. She has made fun of me on things that I have told her.
I think when I drink, my emotions are numb and so her behavior doesn't aggravate me as much as it does when I am sober. Or maybe I'm just irritable because I've only been sober for a couple of days.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I drank to cope. That being said when i quit the problems didnt go away. Learning to cope got a lot worse it was like learning to walk for me. It still is I'm still having difficulty over a year sober.
I've had to decide when to make decisions to make life easier and when to try and remain tolerant. When to stand up for myself and when to allow things to roll off my back if i can.
That being said I can assure you it gets easier. If your like me and used drinking to numb your frustrations yes on a scale of one to 10 for a little while after you quit these same frustrations can be a 15! but it gets better and they become normal every day things that any one has to deal with and the degree of frustration goes down to a more manageable level.
Hang in there.
I've had to decide when to make decisions to make life easier and when to try and remain tolerant. When to stand up for myself and when to allow things to roll off my back if i can.
That being said I can assure you it gets easier. If your like me and used drinking to numb your frustrations yes on a scale of one to 10 for a little while after you quit these same frustrations can be a 15! but it gets better and they become normal every day things that any one has to deal with and the degree of frustration goes down to a more manageable level.
Hang in there.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Chicken and egg - issues cause drinking - drinking causes issues.
Quit drinking - handle issues.
If you feel living at home is a trigger to your drinking - move. Ultimately if you're anything like me to drink is to die, so everything else needs to take second place. Anything .... and I mean anything, that comes in the way of my sobriety, I will take steps to get around, over, under or through.
Quit drinking - handle issues.
If you feel living at home is a trigger to your drinking - move. Ultimately if you're anything like me to drink is to die, so everything else needs to take second place. Anything .... and I mean anything, that comes in the way of my sobriety, I will take steps to get around, over, under or through.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
Probably a combination of both. I was extremely irritable (if you want to call it that- I'd prefer enraged) at first. Just had to wait and get over it. I did try to journal and take short walks to defuse a little.
But my mother, who has since passed away, was very critical. If we got in a fight and I started to cry, she would get angry and say I was being manipulative. I wasn't. I was truly upset. She picked on me daily. Worse, I was a glutton for punishment. She lived with me the last 15 years of my life. Mostly because I felt guilty that she had nowhere else to go.
That being said, I'm sure you're there because you have no choice financially. My thought is that you move out as soon as you get on your feet. Until then, try not to hide in your room to try to escape her. Go out-even to a park, library, or mall if you need some no mom time. Isolating can lead to self-pity and ultimately to drinking. Good luck.
But my mother, who has since passed away, was very critical. If we got in a fight and I started to cry, she would get angry and say I was being manipulative. I wasn't. I was truly upset. She picked on me daily. Worse, I was a glutton for punishment. She lived with me the last 15 years of my life. Mostly because I felt guilty that she had nowhere else to go.
That being said, I'm sure you're there because you have no choice financially. My thought is that you move out as soon as you get on your feet. Until then, try not to hide in your room to try to escape her. Go out-even to a park, library, or mall if you need some no mom time. Isolating can lead to self-pity and ultimately to drinking. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Constant, everyday criticism can be devastating, particularly when you're trying your best to make positive life changes. I've been where you are and I can understand how you might be feeling. Be proud of your efforts to change... Moving away from the criticism might be your best option, especially in recovery when you need peace and understanding from others. Good luck!
Recoveringed
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Thump
Posts: 409
Are you involved in a program of recovery? I know that early days can be a roller coaster in a lot of ways, and you really don't have to reinvent the wheel by going it alone. The collective experience of other alcoholics face to face who have been where you are and know the way forward is absolutely priceless.
Would your mother be open to accepting help as well? It would likely help both of you if she did. Alcoholism affects the family too, and as someone who has been significantly affected by someone else's drinking I have benefitted a lot from Alanon.
Congratulations on your time sober. I'm rooting you on!
Would your mother be open to accepting help as well? It would likely help both of you if she did. Alcoholism affects the family too, and as someone who has been significantly affected by someone else's drinking I have benefitted a lot from Alanon.
Congratulations on your time sober. I'm rooting you on!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 54
I drank to escape my problems . . . the problems that were created in the first place by my drinking. As has been mentioned here, if you're not comfortable where you're living - better to move than to drink over it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 279
I have seriously been thinking about that but there are some financial obligations to her that would be easier to meet if I was living here. When I do move out I want to make sure that its a planned move so that I can get out and stay out. Unfortunately that means that it will be a couple of months before I can do that. In the mean time I plan to use school, work and exercise to spend as much time out of the house as possible.
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