James007

Im tired of this, I have had it done to me when I first started and hear it done to others. That phrase "Ya , keep coming back" in a derogatory wise ass tone tending or intended to detract, disparage, or belittle and is intentionally offensive.

Sometimes I think someone needs to write an Alcoholics Anonymous survival guide for people going to meetings, especially in places with alot of treatment centers.

"Keep coming back"...

miamifella

I think that part of how the program works is through social pressure. The sarcasm and mocking is part of it. This is often not a problem. However, the slope is slippery and this can turn to overt hostility and angry acting out against newcomers or those who have more difficulty staying clean/sober.

James007

One of the most famous defense mechanisms people use to hide their inferiority feelings is to act superior. Not only will those people act as if they are superior to others but they will also devalue anybody who doesn't treat them as if they were superior.

"Keep coming back"...

Ranger

Chapter 1: Pracrice discretion when choosing your home group. Do not subject yourself to meetings where you are subjected to derogatory wise ass tone tending or intended to detract, disparage, or belittle and is intentionally offensive.

There are fantastic groups and there are sick groups. If you are aware enough to discern the sick groups, you are already equipped to go out and find a healthy one.

miamifella

Actually, now that I think of it-- is the phrase "Keep coming back" ever said in a positive tone?

It always grated on me since the line is always said sardonically. Is there a way to give it a positive spin?

aeo1313

I never viewed "keep coming back" as negative. I have always viewed it as "keep coming back, we'd love to keep seeing you and offer our help".

ru12

All because someone is sober doesn't mean he isn't an a-hole. Who cares what some fool in AA says to you. Work on your sobriety. If you don't like AA then don't go. There are lots of other avenues that you can travel.

James007

The poster from Florida hears it with a negative tone but not the poster from Nebraska, interesting.

aeo1313

That is interesting. I live in a fairly big city but very few rehabs. All the meetings I've been to have been very friendly. I just went to one this week in Missouri and that too, was friendly.

I tend to be very open and not find a lot of beef with people. It would be an interesting sociological experiment to go to AA in all 50 states and write about it. Anyone up for a vacation?

James007

I kind of did the experiment already, But I would start with Alaska to get away from the heat for a while.

awuh1

I think this line is used in almost as many ways as there are people who use it. Perhaps you have some unusually negative individuals in your groups. When this phrase is used in a derisive manner I also take offence. I find, however, that in the vast majority of cases this is not how it’s used. Most often this phrase is simply used to imply that a person’s thinking and/or actions may be problematic and that exposure other, more productive ways of thinking/acting will be helpful. I like the line by Maxwell Maltz “always believe that people have the best intentions unless proven otherwise” (paraphrased).

IMO the most positive way to address the concern for how someone is using this phrase might be to speak to them personally about it.

MalkavianEmily

I've never heard it as a negative thing, but maybe that's just me.

hypochondriac

I'm not sure I get that remark as derogatory...and I'm usually all over the AA bashing

Do you mean it comes across as patronising? I think alcoholics in early sobriety in are very sensitive and defensive (I know I am) so it might not matter what anyone said.

I have always taken it as a positive comment round my way.

Hexipuff

I have never heard it as a negative either
At the meetings I attend (UK) it has always been said with a gentle smile and eye contact around the group. I view this statement as encouragement and a way of saying you have people here that understand and care - keep being a part of this

Maybe that's just me

UpperbucksAAguy

Most of the chanting in AA is mindless, so are the labels. I am____________ and I am an alcoholic. We can't we just be______________?

AA isn't perfect. I hope you start to be the change you want to see in others

MetalChick

Well, that blows. Another thing to worry about,people being rude in AA. I am really confused. So far AA has been a life saver, and this room. I don't want to have to worry about dealing with BS in AA. What is going on? What do I need to look out for in AA? Are people being condescending and I am to stupid to get it? I thought AA was supposed to be good, and almost everyone here says going to AA helps a lot. That just bums me out that I have to be more careful about AA. I have only been to AA 6 times so far and am probably clueless about the problems. Sorry, this thread is really stressing me out and worrying me. It seems like you can never have a safe place and escape the BS. I think maybe my expectations of AA are unrealistic. Sorry, I am freaking out here. How do I know if an AA meeting is "sick'"or a good one?

UpperbucksAAguy

Metalchick- AA is a mirror image of what you find in society. You will see the best, and even sometimes the worst of us

James007

miamifella Location: Miami, FL


I think its a Florida thing , thats where I also learned that phrase is used negative.

Mark75

I try to remember one thing when I hear something, or read something, said to another that has an "edge" to it, or perhaps when said to someone just coming back after a slip or relapse... especially things like "keep coming back" or my favorite , "take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth"... one thing I try to remember...

We advocate FOR each other and AGAINST alcoholism....

Keep coming back, you got beat up, you relapsed, whatever, keep coming,maybe you will get this recovery thing... Or listen, to others who have done this thing, learn, we want you to succeed, but you have got to listen... and keep coming back...

That's how I hear it.

I think, myself, my own opinion, that getting recovered from alcoholism and addiction, is kind of like chemotherapy, it hurts and it seems unfair, but sometimes that what it takes.

We have to "die" to be "reborn"... if this was easy, why would anyone be members of a support group, if they could do it on their own.... so, uh... Keep Coming Back!!!!

suki44883

If you are looking for negativity, you will find it. Not everyone in AA is healthy, just like not everyone anywhere is healthy. Quit looking for things over which to be offended and use AA for what it is meant to be. A program whereby you work the 12 steps and learn a lot about yourself in the process.