DeathKnight

In a nut shell, i got way to into boozing, was stressed at work. I let my addiction get the best of me, added in some drugs as well. Had liver failure, Faince left me for dead with Jaundice and bleeding. Was in ER for a week + she never visted me, looted the house took what she wanted, sold her Engagement ring and refused to talk to me. I was in a bad place and needed help, but when you are physically addicted to something, its MUCH harder than you think to get clean, the withdrawls blow. Ended up having to move 450 miles awy with family b/c im so depressed and out of it i cant even work, had to leave a good job, friends, her. She wont even acknowledge me, wont talk. I feel terrible for what i did. I got clean and sober in rehab, was very hard to do. Stll hcing medical issues, all i do now is play video games at 32 years old - sad. My best friend is my 9 year old cat, besides that i have nothing going for me, other than im clean.

This is a post from another forum, i just have these days that i feel so profundley sad and i wounder if all i have done is worth what i have lost. Not giving closure on purpose which it seems she has done hurts so much on some days i can't put it in words. It makes me feel useless, its days like this i want to go get **** faced but i wont do so. Has anyone else been here before, i could use someone to talk to.

Dee74

welcome back DeathKnight

Is this the same gf from previous posts? Even if it's not I think it might be best to move on....I know how painful it is to let go...but I think it gets to a point where we need to.

The focus needs to be on you, not her, and your eye needs to be on today, not yesterday. Support can really help with that

I remember you were looking into SMART? how far did you get with that?

D

DeathKnight

I went with Rational recovery and Therapy. So far it has worked for me.

Sudz No More

You know what Man? You made it through a really dark moment in your life and you are making it. Be proud of what you have accomplished for yourself. Hang in there, get back to 100% and show her how great you are doing. No matter what happens after that you can walk tall in the face of it all.

Let's keep moving forward together, we got this Buddy

DeathKnight

I wish it felt that way Sudz, but i feel like an utter failure and like i tossed away the only good thing i had. People ask me why i pine for someone who ditched me in my time of need, and i wish i knew the answer there.

Sudz No More

I can relate, you feel as though you damaged the relationship with your actions and you feel if you can repair it you have righted some wrongs.

You are sick with addiction like we all are here, you shouldn't have to be dragged over the coals for that. Try not to worry about it what is done. Just focus on getting yourself better for you and only you. Worry about the rest when you get to it.

Hang in there, tomorrow is another day and you are on the mend. Keep going

DeathKnight

Really trying to, i took time off work to heal and am doing all i can, just sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks and my heart sinks.

Sudz No More

As someone told me recently, "This too shall pass"

Keep coming in here and posting, it really helps to feel connected to like minds.

Emma18

My best friends are my cats too, nothing bad about that! In regards to your ex, I think it's better to move on. Find someone who understands and accepts your problems and is willing to help you through it.

Innerchild

Sending you positive thoughts I am so sorry you are having a bad time. Things do get easier if you have faith. Right now you are your first priority. You need to focus on your health and sobriety and surround yourself with a network of people this will help with the depression and loneliness. Sometimes when we isolate and stuck in our own heads we feel worse. Try get out of the house, go for walks, attend meetings and keep yourself occupied and I promise that life will get better.

Ampsmarie

One day at a time... stay positive! You can do this.

MrDavid

A good majority of us have been in similar situations ourselves, not knowing what to do or where to turn. But let the truth be told, there’s still a glimmer of hope even for alcoholics like yourself, but it must begin with us, first. So keep on track, okay. We do have an advantage today and it all starts with recovery.

We’ve all been there "DK" at one time or another, so stop beating yourself up over this. You acknowledged your mistake, now move on. The true path to freedom lies in what we do know ‘today’ not yesterday. So keep working your program “DK”, at least for now; the rest will work out over time.

If it were me, I would move on with my life also, like Dee said. I mean, who knows what tomorrow might bring, right. There will always be a factor we can't ignore "DK", regardless; we’re still alcoholics, and the best medicine for any of us is a great recovery program. So stick with the basics and move on from there.

We’re cheering for you “DK” because everyone deserves a second chance. But the key to our survival like” Sudz No More” said is “moving forward together”. So let us help you do just that, okay; move forward together. Let the journey begin.

Jitterbugg

Hi DK,
I spent two years drunk, unemployed, and playing Warcraft! My GF had enough and split. This was when I was 30-32. I'm 35 now, sober, have a job and my own place. You can turn it around too!

David 1

Keep working on sobriety; staying sober allows you to face problems head on. I highly recommend joining a gym, working on physical fitness carries over to mental fitness and quality of life.

You want to see a great story of courage and success? Go to the stories of recovery section on this site and read the most recent entries. The story Flutter wrote actually brought tears to my eyes.

Dave

blakezly

My thought is if they cant love us threw our worst why should they get us at our best...... there is some one out there that will love us for who we are and what we are, not judge us by our past..... Keep your chin up and know someone is out there for you!!

sugarbear1

Feelings aren't facts.

Yeah, you broke up. Yeah, you are healing from your addiction. Everything can change for you. Turn off the video game and start learning to live an adult life. Make a routine, make sure you eat and bathe, start some kind of something to become employed again....

You can do this! Stay strong and stay stopped!

OklaBH

I can not believe she did that to you. That is awful. You are 10000 times better off without her and the alcohol.

BackToSquareOne

One thing I notice about your post is that you talk about "what she did to me". The 2 of you were not married, you drank yourself into liver failure and you find it odd that she wanted out of the relationship?

This is a classic example of how alcohol skews our perception of reality. We drink ourselves to the point of almost no return then want to play the victim like we had no role in any of it. You need to move on and a big part of that is seeing your role in all of this.

Threshold

Hugs, I know those moments, days, months of sorrow. But as someone above shared, they are feelings, but they are not the totality of reality.

We ride them out, and we ride reality out too, and things change both inside and outside of us.

I commiserate with the low, hopeless, who bother feelings, and I commiserate with the things pass, it'll get better messages people share.

if you ride it out, you'll experience both sides of this as well. Hard stuff happens, but good stuff happens too. Neither cancels the other out. Life is paradox.

I can sit here, from a place of persepective on my own life and say "how could my ex have ditched me when I most needed help? when I was begging for help?"...and I can also see that he pretty much saw that I was a sinking ship hell bent on killing myself with no sense of hope for the future, so he chose to save himself and keep the material resources of our life together that he needed to build a future.

It hurts like heck to see BOTH those aspects of it, but both are actually the truth.

Today, neither of them much matter other than interesting points to ponder. He's out of my life, I'm clean. There are things to do, people to meet.

Life goes on, if I let it.

I hope I have fewer and fewer days where I try to hold it back.

babycat

I think you need to stop the pity party and feeling sorry for yourself. It sucks what happened, yes, but grow up. Focus on your sobriety. Good for you on that, it is not easy.