MetalChick

Hi, it’s been around 5 weeks since I drank. I did have the stupidity to do another drug and had a terrible experience. I realize what happened was that I allowed myself to entertain the idea of doing other drugs that I have done in the past in place of alcohol. I was saying to myself “It’s not a good idea to do other drugs, keep a clear head, but I wasn’t giving myself an absolute no!” Plus I chose to be around people doing drugs, and had some in the house. Anyhow, the great thing about the whole experience with having a really bad trip, and even some residual paranoia is that I have lost my desire to replace beer with drugs. I had fun in the past, but because I know the reality of what I am doing to myself so it isn’t fun anymore. I guess the truth really can set you free. I have to say, I am honestly enjoying being sober. I never thought I would say that, but I really am. I am looking forward to going to a metal show next week, sober. I don’t think I have ever gone to a show sober, and I am excited about it. I plan to have some crazy head banging fun without the booze. On a side note, it sure is nice going to the grocery store with my BF and not having an argument about the amount of beer I am buying. I am not saying I have arrived; hell no, but I am off to a good start, and every time I think of drugs and drinking these days I get this sick, yucky, bogus feeling all over. I was so scared of change, but why the hell not fully welcome changes in myself that are for the better! I am stubborn I guess, and tend to hold tight to my misery.

Oh, one more thing. My friend came over super drunk last night banging on my door. I witnessed some angry at the world, **** drunk, and close to psychotic behavior. There was no talking him down from the fence. The cops came, bad sh*t happened, and all I could think about was how that could have been me. I saw my own craziness in the past, and how I was so glad it wasn’t me. I felt badly for him though. It did suck going through that, but it just reinforced my desire to be sober. I loathe that crazy drunken drama.

Still going one day at a time. Thanks again guys for all your support, advice and for reading my posts an giving a hoot

doggonecarl

Just be careful. I had to quit going to shows. I was too worried about drinking, since I always associated seeing a metal band (or any band for that matter) with getting hammered.

Three weeks after I first quit, Whitechapel came to town and I was ready to give up my vow to quit. I just couldn't imagine going and not drinking. Well, I skipped the show and haven't been a concert in almost two years.

I used to think I loved the music and the show. I do, but I just loved the getting drunk more.

MetalChick

I hear you, but music is my life and a big part of our livelihood. I couldn't stop going to shows even if I wanted to stop, which I do not. Hell, I would rather give up my right arm. But, I am really sick of getting drunk or buzzed at shows, so it shouldn't be a problem plus my BF doesn't drink and he will be there. I am honestly really looking forward to having a good time sober. I can be a lot of fun when I am not worrying about how much I am drinking.Thanks though for the concern Man, I couldn't imagine no shows for 2+ years, but I guess you have to do what you have to do. Good for you.

Take care

Live2Run25

excellent news Metal Chick!!

Sudz No More

Nice to see you getting right back on track.

CarolD

i know what you mean about sober fun.
It sure beats being a drunken mess...

Dee74

I hope this can be your turning point MC

D

MetalChick

Dee,
Me too. after that last stunt, I was sick to my stomach for like 4 days, and couldn't keep anything down, not even water, for 2 days. I just never want to go back to what I was doing. I know in my heart if continued down that path of progression, I would have destroyed my career, health, relationships, and my sanity. That was where I was headed fast. I was so afraid to admit that drinking was the culprit of the majority of my problems, because then i would have to stop.

Carol,
so right. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to have fun without drinking, or be fun. I am learning that it is not true. I am building new good times sober, and I remember when i used to have fun without drinking. Drinking and sometimes drugs became my main almost only source of entertainment. But it isn't much fun when you wake up in a panic not remembering the night before.

Sudz, and Live2run,

Thanks for your support

MalkavianEmily

Like you, I don't think... actually, now I think about it, I'd never been to a show sober until I went to the Download festival this year. I might have missed the first day because I was hiding in my tent from the cravings - it seemed as if everybody else was drinking - and after slogging through the mud, struggling to put my tent up, and slogging through the mud again to get to the toilet, I really wanted to as well.
But in the next two days I saw more bands sober than I had in the rest of my life. And it was pretty ****ing good.
As you say, you'll have your BF with you, and that's great. My fiance doesn't really share my taste in music, which is a pity.
But yes, you don't have to drink to have a good time at shows. Brilliant, isn't it?

MetalChick

MalkavianEmily,

That's cool I like a lot of those bands. Even though you missed the 1st day it looks like the last 2 days had the best bands. Ha, I can picture myself hiding in the tent for a bit too. But that's awesome that we know we can have a good time sober, we are brilliant! \m/

LOL, I bet you remember the show this time