JIreland

Alcohol.
Why did I ever try it?

I have no doubt it will be the death of me, yet I can't stop.

I am just out of hospital last week...I was thinking of suicide. I already tried on holiday in Feb.
I know it is only because of drink.

I lasted 4 days after hospital.
I was given benzos and stayed off around a week then my da (Father) phoned and said he is going to die very soon...straight back on drink, then hospital.

I woke up at 6am and had to have a drink because I felt so depressed.
I am on anti-depressants...

I live with my girlfriend but she is in america. I'm glad she is. I thought this would be my time to stop and get healthy.
Apart from the drink, I am fit and healthy.
Ok....neither from the drink....Its making me unfit and unhealthy.

I want to get more now. 8.50am here.
I am such a disaster. Maybe the drink is better than suicide...

Dont even know why I am on here...looking for any help I can get

Dee74

Welcome back
Some part of you clearly wants to stop or you wouldn't be here on SR

For me I really had to be prepared to so anything...no matter how inconvenient uncomfortable or onerous my recovery options seemed, I finally decided drinking was worse

What have you tried so far JIreland - which recovery groups?
Drs?
Counselling?
Rehab?

D

JIreland

Hey Dee, thanks for the reply

Docs...Went to counseling once (I HATE talking...), in hospital twice (I went myself), AA...

I have the blue AA book beside me, it's not helping I also got a letter in the post this morning for another appointment for alcohol abuse for 31st July.
I couldn't go last time because I was beyond feeling sick from giving up drink...sick constantly, couldn't really walk properly.
I stayed in bed for 3 days so couldn't make the appointment.

I can't ask for the benzos again and don't know how I can come off again with nothing It was bad enough even when I had those

JIreland

By the way...I'm just 25....

I started back drinking when I broke my jaw and lost my position in the fire brigade....
Just went downhill from there

Dee74

why not keep the appointment - what have you got to lose really?

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players, including but not limited to AA:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

Click the links and read a little - see if anything else makes sense to you maybe?

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

Recovery is one thing where I think it's vital not to give up...I fought for 15 years before I finally found lasting sobriety.

As long as you're alive and willing, it's not over IMO - there's always hope

D

ps I didn't even *start* drinking until I was 25...you have such a good chance to turn things around and make yourself a great future man

tomsteve

[QUOTE

I have the blue AA book beside me, it's not helping [/QUOTE]

well, of course it aint helpin. the big book dont do anything but tell us what actions many thousands have done to recover from alcoholism, which means it has to be read and then the suggestions followed, which requires action.
here's the steps of AA in plain english:
1. Alcohol will kill me.
2. There's a power that wants me to live.
3. Do I want to live or die? (if you want to die, stop here)
4. Write about how I got to where I am.
5. Tell another person all about me (let God listen).
6. Want to change.
7. Ask a power greater than me to help me change.
8. Write down who I've hurt.
9. Fix what I can without hurting anyone else.
10. Accept that I'm human and will screw up. Fix it immediately.
11. Ask a power greater than me to show me how to live.
12. Keep doing 1 through 11 and pass it on.


do you want to live or do you want to die? the choice is yours and i hope you ant to live. sobriety rocks!!!

CarolD

Please open that blue book and start reading "How It Works"
then the final paragraph on page 43

Welcome back....

sun999

The Big Book doesn't help people, in my opinion. Neither do the 12 steps. It's the group support and non-drinking friendships of AA that help people, if someone benefits from AA. What I found really helps me is to make not drinking my highest committment every day. Upon waking, EVERY single morning the first thing I had to do for a while was acknowledge that I was not going to drink that day, and did all I had to, to keep that no alcohol mindset. I spent a lot of time daily, reading different ways to beat addiction, writing out reasons not to drink, ect. Devote as much time as is needed for ripping away the denial that keeps addiction going. The denial that makes you think "just one won't hurt" or "my problem isn't THAT bad..." Never give up. You can do this

bbthumper

There is one thing we know in AA to bring about recovery. A spiritual experience. We cannot get it from reading a book or attending meetings or calling someone on a phone. What we need is to get with a sponsor who has worked THE program of recovery and have them take us through the steps without hesitation. We are guaranteed a spiritual experience if we take the actions laid out in the book. All the prayers and meetings in the world arent enough. We need to take action. That is the key work ACTION. Seek medical attention if you need it to detox. If not get to a meeting and find the guy who is on fire with enthusiasm for life and God and ask him to sponsor you. Recovery doesnt just happen. We need to do the work. THere is a price to pay.

laurie6781

No, having it sit there beside you won't help. You cannot get the program
by osmosis. lol Take that book with you to some AA meetings and look for
a sponsor. Upon finding a sponsor, get with that sponsor who is a 'guide,'
to go through the book with you, show you the DIRECTIONS, and share
with you how they did the steps of the program and how they are living
those steps daily to continue to live sober.

Also get PHONE NUMBERS from the folks at the meetings, you can share by saying

"I need phone numbers of folks I can call as these 'cravings' are so bad right now."

and USE those phone numbers when what you really want to do is go buy some
more booze. Folks who give you their number, do not care what time of day or
night it is when you call, because they were there at one time.

The folks in AA will 'help' you to HELP YOURSELF. They have been where you are,
and they know how hard it is to give up the booze for good. And yes, 'never' is
a long time, which is why you will hear "One Day At A Time."

Heck there were days when I didn't say "I just have to get through today." There
were days in my early recovery where I was saying "I just don't have to drink for
the next hour." And sometimes, "I just don't have to drink for the next 5 minutes."

As the days went on the cravings/urges got further apart and with the help of being
able to hang onto those sober people I was finding in AA, my head finally became
clear enough, the fog lifted, that I was able to start working those 'steps' with my
sponsor.

You can do this (((((JIreland))))) I know you can!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

AB1111

I'm back again myself JIreland 7/4/2012. I just got home from a meeting as I write to you and for some reason picked up the book and started reading chapter 3. The chapter seems to be written for a chronic relapser like me. It really helped me understand how my alcoholic mind works. Be good to yourself.

soberbrooke

I couldn't do it because I am an alcoholic. The only thing that worked for me is going to 90 meetings in 90 days and getting a sponsor, all through AA.

I would get sober for a while, and the the atmosphere of a bar, in which I recently found out that I am addicted to the atmosphere, would call me back. I am still struggling with the 1st step.
I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable with it!!!

AB1111

I am very much addicted to the bar atmosphere as well. It's one of the reasons I went back out this last time. Thanks for the post.

neferkamichael

JIreland you can quit. I was an alcoholic for almost twice as long as you've been alive, and I am now 2 years and 1 day sober. Today 10 months off crack.

JIreland

Wow you don't know how much all these posts have made me think....

Unfortunately I had a sponsor...but I went off drink and back on...I think he has given up on me at this stage.

I sent him a message a few days ago saying I want to go back to AA...but he just said he will pray for me.
I was reading the book again today...
And to osmosis... I know just having the book beside me won't help me :P

True, I am just coming back to god

This isn't easy....
I don't even want to go to AA today....I had a drink.
I am very...very depressed. It is the only thing helping me right now.

Last time I went to AA my sponsor took me out because I had a drink before...so I won't do it again.

It's difficult
I am reading it..

Dee74

Find someone who's willing and wants to work with you ** - and go from there

D

Threshold

J, ouch. just the title of your thread reached out to me.

It took me awhile, in early recovery, to really want recovery. I WANTED to want it, I WANTED to truly be done with it, but some part of me was hanging on to my substance abuse.

90 in 90 helped me, because I heard a lot of shares and saw a lot of recovery, and a lot of "not so much" recovery. My own inner truths bubbled to the surface, often in the way I felt myself react to someone else's share or suggestion.

The day I deeply asked myself "why am I doing this to myself" and was willing to hear my own answer, was a life changer for me.

When I asked myself that, some of my usual "because my mom did this" or "my boss said that" came up, and gently I said to myself "yes, but why am I doing this to myself." setting aside everything anyone else ever said or did to me, and really rooting out what I was doing to me.

A part of me knew that if I wanted to, I could make other choices for myself. Hearing the shares of others helped me come to my truth about myself.

I listened to people share why they couldn't stay sober, and others share how they did stay sober, and I decided which of those states of being most appealed to me. Some days one, some days the other. In the end I choose recovery. I got tired of listening to myself whine.

doggonecarl

As long as you are still drinking you will believe it's because you are depressed and it is the only thing that helps. But that is not the case.

The pit of despair is where I justified my drugging and drinking. Add in an unhealthy dose of self loathing and there was no way you could convince me that quitting was better than drinking.

Till I quit.

Then I found out myself.

SSIL75

I remember you! Welcome back. You can do it.

JIreland

First, thank you everyone for the replies, you are all so kind

I can only think of one answer, because I'm unhappy with life...
Excuses...excuses....But first I had a very successful business, I left that to join the fire brigade...broke jaw...hospital for months..came out with nothing and just fell into depression and drink again.
I know it is just excuses but it is also the reason.

I am going today to get Campral but I have no idea what it even does...But the doctor prescribed it anyway..

Wow....Thank you