MetalChick

I just wanted to thank you guys for all of your posts I was kind of scared today that you would hate me, or at least think I was a failure, because of doing that Dex. I looked at my post and wow- how crazy. Anyhow, I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess that at least it wasn’t beer I was doing, but the dex made me a lot lot worse. I was so nuts that I thought I lost my dog, and I went of looking for him for I do not know how long could have been hours. When I got home he was curled up on my bed. I used to have fun doing dex, but that turned into a horrid time. I guess it goes to show that all drugs need to go not just beer. I am thankful for all your kind words, and I hope you do not give up on me. I am going to start over again. Hard to shrug of the humiliation and disappointment I have in myself

Dee74

I really love this community for its understanding MC - although I've never done Dex, I have been out of it many times.

I made the decision that everything had to go for me...I decided there's simply nothing to be gained by me stumbling around half delirious....

each year that passes I'm more and more glad I made the right choice

D

abc

That's excellent you didn't drink. Good job! Those depressing drug hangovers used to make me crave alcohol a ton. Stay the course MetalChick. Stay sober.

MetalChick

Dee,

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like 2 people. One that has so much going for me; a person that loves life, is proud, and has so much to give, and the other one that gives up, hates herself, and lives in a dark place just wanting to be numb.

CarolD

If that was "magic powder" MC.....I sure am tickled I never used it..
Glad you came back down ...

I too had false starts before I found lasting sobreity
Yes! you too can move forwward and win!

MetalChick

Thank you Carol, no "magic" happened just a bad trip chalked full or craziness.
Thanks Carol being so cool. You are a huge support to me I really appreciate you, Carol

Dee74

I felt like that for many years too MC...I found I had to stop fighting myself because no matter who won, I lost.

Not doing things that sent me round the bend helped...it took a while but my head cleared and I found a true me that took the best of both 'mes'...

and the fighting stopped

wellwisher

Wise words being said here, MC.

I'm voting for the person who loves life, is proud and has so much to give

All my best...

MetalChick

Thanks Dee,

I like how you said that your found the best of both "mes"

I think you mean it is not really one over the other but that they are both me, and I need to lean to embrace them without enhancements in order to do that completely? I guess I am still fighting myself a bunch (both of them) I like that you said that though, because I never really thought about it in that way before. Thanks

long road for sure, Dee

tomsteve

metalchick, there is a great way to get rid of the feeling of humiliation and disappointment: throw out the arse kickin machine. yer not a bad person, yer a sick person. nobody is gonna give up on you!!

one thing this experience has done for you is it has given you kowledge of what doesnt work too good and some day you will have the blessing of sharing it with someone who comes along and is walking your path.

Dee74

There was good in all my mes MC - the sober one and the drunk one and the high one - after all were me and I'm not a bad guy

I know you're not a bad person either

It is a long road ...but it's the best journey I ever made...and noone needs do it alone

I know you can make it too MC

D

Someguy23

I don't hate you MetalChick. Dissociatives aren't my thing but one of my best friends is a big fan of acid (or used to be, he's pretty much stopped).

I very much relate to that. My personas are a bit different than yours, it's more "adult Someguy23" who wants to build a good life vs "26-year-old-adolescent Someguy23" who wants to get drunk, get stoned and eat junk food all day long.

I suspect deep down they're not so different from your two guys, they just put a different face on things.

Can't offer any advice, but I can sympathize and let you know I'm the same way...

tomsteve

and look at a bright point: you only feel like 2 people sometimes!! when i got into recovery, i thought there were a dozen different people in me. complete confusion very often for a while. it got better though. i'm down to the young me who likes to laugh like a kid, the mature me who knows when to get serious and take care of businees, and the old me who physically feels as old as noah when he built the ark!

abc

Someguy23, that's how Rational Recovery works (a popular recovery program). You split your personality into two entities. Then you identify the one who wants to get drunk as your enemy. Then you systematically defeat him by force.

MetalChick

Thank you Tomsteve, Dee, Wellwisher, Carol, Someguy and ABC. I think this is the sappiest I have ever been while sober, but I just want to hug you all! Thank you for your support. You are a great bunch. I guess recovering users and alcoholics are truly special people and hands down cool.

MetalChick

I have been doing AA (Only 3 meetings) what is the rational recovery all about, and do they have free meetings as well? What is the best way?

MetalChick

I am a student, and do not have the funds to go to anything that is not free

abc

Rational Recovery is a book by Jack Trimpey. It's dirt cheap. It does not include group meetings. It is a program you work on by yourself. I find the techniques very useful. Let me know if you have any other questions about it MetalChick.

Dee74

There are threads about Rational Recovery in the secular forum, MC
Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I'm not sure I agree exactly with abc's interpretation of RR above - but then again I haven't read the book...it's probably best to listen to ppl who have

D

MetalChick

K, Dee

BTW great Floyd Pepper Muppet bass player. Electric Mayhem Band if I am not mistaken. You always have the best avatars