I feel trapped and stuck in a rut
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
I feel trapped and stuck in a rut
Hi all,
I am having a bad day. I have been sober for 6 months. I don't feel good today, I am 31 years old, unemployed and living with my parents. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't get out much. I would like to have a life. I have some friends in different parts of the country, I hardly get to see them, my parents don't like me going away to meet friends by myself. When I mentioned that i would like to catch up with an old friend from college, my parents said that they would drive me to the place and pick me up afterwards.
My cousin is getting married next week and I am dreading it, to have to put on a happy face when I want to cry inside. This is not how I saw my life turning out.
I am having a bad day. I have been sober for 6 months. I don't feel good today, I am 31 years old, unemployed and living with my parents. I don't have a lot of friends, and I don't get out much. I would like to have a life. I have some friends in different parts of the country, I hardly get to see them, my parents don't like me going away to meet friends by myself. When I mentioned that i would like to catch up with an old friend from college, my parents said that they would drive me to the place and pick me up afterwards.
My cousin is getting married next week and I am dreading it, to have to put on a happy face when I want to cry inside. This is not how I saw my life turning out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
Hi Tetra,
Sorry you are feeling so down. I've been there. Do you go to AA? I have found that although I don't agree with every part of their philosophy, I have made some connections with others. I am very social and isolating was a big part of my problem.
As for the parents and relying on them for transportation...do you have Al-anon there? My dh started going and it's helped us immensely. He tried to do the same thing and finally realized that the more he tried to control me, the worse it got. I made the point to him that if I wanted alcohol, I could get it. I am an alcoholic and am very resourceful. I've walked and taken a taxi to the packy. I would have done anything.
The wedding...do you absolutely have to go? Can you "get sick"? If not, I would recommend that you take your own car and park it so you can easily escape if need be. My sponsor says that I overestimated my own importance and that people don't care about my presence as much as I think. This may not be true depending how close your family is.
All of that being said, try to focus on the here and now. You are sober. I know that's easier said than done. I wish you the best.
jennikate
Sorry you are feeling so down. I've been there. Do you go to AA? I have found that although I don't agree with every part of their philosophy, I have made some connections with others. I am very social and isolating was a big part of my problem.
As for the parents and relying on them for transportation...do you have Al-anon there? My dh started going and it's helped us immensely. He tried to do the same thing and finally realized that the more he tried to control me, the worse it got. I made the point to him that if I wanted alcohol, I could get it. I am an alcoholic and am very resourceful. I've walked and taken a taxi to the packy. I would have done anything.
The wedding...do you absolutely have to go? Can you "get sick"? If not, I would recommend that you take your own car and park it so you can easily escape if need be. My sponsor says that I overestimated my own importance and that people don't care about my presence as much as I think. This may not be true depending how close your family is.
All of that being said, try to focus on the here and now. You are sober. I know that's easier said than done. I wish you the best.
jennikate
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Have you started to look for a job? Having a sense of purpose should greatly reduce your depression and get you out of this rut. Your parents seem way too involved in your business for a 31 year old woman. Once you have a job, can you take steps towards getting a place on your own or with a roommate?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Sorry you are feeling down Tetra but WELL DONE ON 6 MONTHS!!! 
Y'know, 31 is the perfect time to start turning your life around (guess how old I am
). Do you have anywhere you can go to meet new people, Like Jenni said, AA maybe, or any hobbies? It sounds like your parents are worried you're going to drink again. Have they got any reason to be worried? How do you feel in your sobriety? I'm also not finding it incredibly easy being sober either so I was going to talk to my doctor about it. I don't know how long you were drinking for...but for me I do think I could have been covering up/ deferring some depression issues. PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to x
Y'know, 31 is the perfect time to start turning your life around (guess how old I am
). Do you have anywhere you can go to meet new people, Like Jenni said, AA maybe, or any hobbies? It sounds like your parents are worried you're going to drink again. Have they got any reason to be worried? How do you feel in your sobriety? I'm also not finding it incredibly easy being sober either so I was going to talk to my doctor about it. I don't know how long you were drinking for...but for me I do think I could have been covering up/ deferring some depression issues. PM me anytime if you need someone to talk to x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Thank you for taking time to reply, I appreciate it. At times I feel like an overgrown child, my parents monitor everything I do, and I feel trapped. Even tonight I went outside to chat to one of my friends on the phone, and my dad came out and was wondering who I was talking to. I don't have much privacy and I don't feel like I have a right to complain, after everything that I did, if you know what I mean.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
I feel scared and anxious, I had a therapy session today which was good but now I am worrying again. I want to please my parents but I also want to please myself and I am doing neither right now and I am torn in two. It's almost 1am here and I am still up obsessing about the future and worrying. If anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I am very worried right now. Thank you all.
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