bloss

So nice not to have to count how many drinks I had yesterday last week or last month. So nice not to have to justify the drinks I had. After all there was always something that could lead to a drink on any given day. So nice to stop counting the sober days versus the days I drank and how many I drank and the type of liquor I drank and so on. I threw my reasons for a drink and my drink calculator in the trash...Good Riddance...

doggonecarl

So true. I didn't know how heavy the chains of alcohol were till I threw them off.

CarolD

Being a blackout bar hopping drunk...I could not be
accurate anyway.....

Keep moving forward...it's great to be a non drinker..

FaithfulQuest

The energy I wasted on all of that shame, guilt, counting, and analyzing was exhausting!!! I have so much more energy now that I can wake up and look foward to the day instead of the regretting the one before.

zjw

HAHA. yep getting a 30 (case of beer with 30 cans if i need to give an explanation on this board) every other day sometimes more often cause i unknowingly drank to much the night before and when i did my midday beer check to see how things would be later that evening the head count didnt seem adequate to get me through an evening. The thought of only haveing 5 left terrified me. Only having 9 or 10 left got me uneasy. having 15 16 17 left might get me through on a good day. but i also always had to have aback up supply of my own homemade wine apple jack or wtvr else god forbid.

Oh god i'm so glad those days are gone. Just typeing all that its like *GULP* i was bad.

Adam5

Absolutely. Your post totally describes what I'm feeling.

LoveIsTheAnswer

I really hope i can find your guys peace. I'm still coming undone from it, but i'll get there. Im glad i found this forum tonight

doggonecarl

Welcome. I hope you find it too. Why don't you start a thread and tell us your story.

AB1111

I'm so sick of feeling like sh#*! I have been in and out of the program for 15 years and never ever found peace. I don't understand how you all can say you're doing well and happy.

MetalChick

Yep, I remember when I was younger and 4 beers would do it; then 6, then 7-- then shocked at the amount the night before-- tossing all the beer cans out in the morning or being afraid to look at the bar tab on my credit card,so I didn't have to face the bill or count the empties. I always rationalized that it wasn't that bad because I drank them over many hours or there was light beer in between the ice beer, or no hard liquor etc...

gildedsplinters

My brother is 60 and a hard core alcoholic. My other brother is 59 and an alcoholic too, but more of a binge drinker at least once a week. Brother 60 has been in and out of rehabs over 30+ times. He got out of another 30 day treatment just two weeks ago, and the signs are all pointing to his drinking again. I worry and obsess about it all the time. I know there is nothing I can do to help him, I can only help myself. I cannot seem to turn offmy brain from worry and fret. I know the phone call will come one day that he simply didn't pull out of it "this time". My youngest brother died at 38 of a meth overdose. I'm a mess at times. Any thoughts out there to help me take care of ME? I'd so appreciate some feedback. Thanks for helping me, folks.

AB1111

Thank you for reminding me where the disease can take me.

bloss

You cannot fix your brothers, you can wish the best for them, but if they don't really have a strong desire to quit, they probably won't. I know there are some threads here for friends and family, also alanon. I am sorry your family is struggling, try to take care of yourself, best wishes.

betterlate

I found counting useful for one thing...realizing just how out of control I was. I remember being shocked at how easily I had downed nineteen beers in one day. I realized then that things had slid quite out of my grasp.