soberbrooke

It is July 4th, and I went to a meeting at noon, and then a sober AA BBQ, and just got home.

Now, a friend that is in AA has just invited me to go to Wolfies on the lake, which is right down the street from me. It is one of my old drinking hangouts.

I would see other friends that are still drinking, acquaintances really. People I haven't seen in approx 2 - 3 years.

My motives would be to just be social. My sponsor says that I am still too new in sobriety, at 6 months, and she would not put herself in that situation because of how powerful alcoholism is, but she is leaving the decision up to me. I have 6 months, and I know that I would definitely be able to stay sober, but is this asking for a relapse later?
I am just so bored tonight and I am so confused as what to do!!

OutwardBound

In my opinion, if you have to ask then you have your own reservations about it, and I would decline.

Good luck with whatever you do, and enjoy the holiday!

OB

CarolD

I did stay away from bars and such for about 6 months.
It sure did not harm me and probably was for the best..

Are you watching out for HALT?
Be extra careful to not become overly
Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired.

Rather odd an AA member would invite you to what I guess is a bar?
Are they also new to recovery? Is it a guy?

You really have been social today...why stretch yourself out
by running off to another place?

soberbrooke

no she has 1 1/2 years - i have 6 months. She is taking her mother in law up there to see some friends of ours. I guess i am going to go, but I will post when i get back!

heath480

soberbrook I would heed the advice of your sponsor.Our sobriety has to come first.

I doubt you will miss anything,people drinking are pretty boring.I am in the UK but from what I have read here on SR 4th July is a huge drinking day.

Congratulations on 6months and happy 4th July.

Veritas1

"Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn’t.

You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, “Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?” If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!

Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don’t start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.

Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed."


Working With Others

Sapling

I think if you are going with a sober member with 1 1/2 years you should be good to go...I do agree with being in fit spiritual condition though...Asking for help is always a wise move...I'd say...Have fun!

CactusJill

I am with the others who said to trust your gut. If you really think you will be ok, you probably will. If, however, you felt uneasy about the possibility of relapsing, maybe it is best to avoid it. But you seem ok. Hope it went well.

David 1

Wow veritas, I am trying to make some sense of your post. We have an op with six months sobriety and your advice is it is fine to go to a bar or nightclub as long as you are spiritually ready? I guess I am wondering how she knows if she is spiritually ready?

I have been sober for 8 1/2 years and I still am vigilant about my drinking triggers and to not put myself in a place where I might be tempted.

Soberbrooke, I hope you had a great time the party, and we certainly have to live our lives to the fullest extent. I just believe alcoholics have to aways be careful.

Dave

soberbrooke

I went for an hour and came home. It was good to see the few people that I saw. It was also good for me because there wasn't 50 people around drinking. There was only one, and I was completely on guard, I kept my defenses up.

I am glad that I went, this was the second time I have been sober. The first was approx one month ago in a friends boat, this time I had my car just in case it got crazy. There was a great band playing and we just sat there and listened and drank water.

It was definitely different!! To sit at a bar/restaurant outside on the lake, listening to a band, and drink water!! However, I noticed a lot of people doing the same thing. I was wondering in my mind of course, are they all alcoholics? Why are they drinking water?

There was a lot of others drinking heavily! They ordered one of those keg thingys that they bring to your table, and 3 people split it, we left after the 2nd one came.

I went to bed approx 11, and I woke up feeling wonderful and refreshed! What a great day.......

I know that I will not be doing a lot of that though. I don't want my guard to be let down, but it hopefully wont hurt every now and then.

CarolD

Glad you came home sober ..
I was concerned because you already had been out socializing
and perhaps were too tired.

Forward is still the correct direction.....dance on SB.

Justfor1

The Big Book shows us that as long as we are spiritually fit we are able do be around alcohol. One cannot hide from alcohol in this day and age. They even sell beer/wine at the zoo in my city!

Veritas1

Hello Dave,

My post was a quote from the book Alcoholics Anonymous

I shared what the book offered on the subject.

You pose a good question however...

How does one know if they are spiritually fit?

I am interested to see what members have to share on this.

Dave, I don't think my post was encouraging her to go to the bar.

Innerchild

Great job!

soberbrooke

Thanks to everyone - my sponsor was really upset with me though. She said I am back to step 1.

I really don't know a thing about alcoholism. I shouldn't have put myself into that situation. I need to keep humbling myself in order to know more about alcoholism.

MetalChick

Bravo

Ranger

You went to a bar, drank water, established an "escape route", and have now been "demoted" back at Step 1?

I don't know the ins and outs of your situation, SB, but I find your sponser's reaction curious. Granted, s/he should know you far better than me.

Respectfully, David 1, I think you should consider revisiting Step 1. At 8-1/2 years in, I'm concerned you're still dropping phrases like "triggers" and "tempted". That's newb speak, and not what AA's Solution is about.

Veritas1

What step were you on?

Why did your sponsor tell you to go back to step one?

Sapling

I'm guessing your sponsor was concerned you haven't reached that place in the steps where you are safe and protected....Keep moving forward SB.

aeo1313

Back to step 1 bc you went to the bar? Granted, I am newish to AA, but how does going to a bar and NOT drinking drop you to step 1?