bill786

I've had a few evenings where I've blacked out, and the next morning I can remember bits clearly, other bits not very clearly at all, but then there are some bits (really bad..even absurd parts/conversations/things I said) which don't seem/feel real, more like I dreamt it, or imagined the scenerio at some point in the interim between being asleep and fully awake.

However, I've asked/looked around & this doesn't seem very common at all, and I'm wondering if it's my way of trying to convince myself it didn't happen.

It's the most horrible feeling. Like the alcohol is playing tricks on my memory, not remembering what happened at all is bad enough, but then when you have certain sentances/bits of conversation which you are convinced you dreamt/imagined but can't be 100% sure.

I've also asked the people I had the conversations with & they've told me they didn't hapen, but I'm wondering wether it's because they were such bad/awful things I said they are trying to protect me, or they don't want to talk about it sober.

wellwisher

Hi Bill,

Yeah, I experienced that. Thought I was losing my mind, actually.

It stopped when I stopped drinking, never to happen again.

Welcome to SR.....

Keva

Welcome to SR. I have false memories as well. Sometimes, it turned out to have been my perception, and other times, it turns out it must have been a dream. Towards the end of my drinking, my mind created situations that didn't really happen (I have asked people who were supposedly involved) I am not 100% sure how much of my memory is real and how much is made up from dreams/ill mind. I suppose I will never know every circumstance, but have been able to piece together a little truth over the last few weeks with the help of my loved ones who are supporting and helping me.

2granddaughters

I show the 1960's -70's-80's on the calendar but I have few memories of them.

Get to an AA meeting and you'll meet a roomful of folks who will set your mind at ease and you feet on the right path.

All the best.

Bob R

CarolD

Welcome...

I too was a blackout drinker I got myself into all sorts of trouble
and in dangerous situations.

Please read this link...blackouts are discussed

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

The good news is once I quit drinking a toxic liquid.....alcohol
the blackouts stopped immediately....

It was my brain that was most affected by drinking.
Nothing was apparent on the outside.

bloss

I was a blackout drinker too, about false memories, sometimes I did. Mostly, just wasn't sure at all what happened.

soberbrooke

The first time I drank alcohol when I was 15, I blacked out. The last time I drank alcohol, I was 41, I blacked out. It was 12/18/2011 the last time.
I keep it green in my mind, because that's where I want it to stay. I need it to remind me of the way it was. It helps me to not drink just for today. I get so paranoid everytime I black out, that I hide for a while.
I know now, that I don't have to be that way any longer. I have 6 months of knowing exactly where I am at, and where I am going.

SobrietyNow

Hi Bill, this used to happen to me. I would dream/imagine whatever you want to call it that I would tell people things I would NEVER tell them. I never ever said any of it but I would spend hours, days...just plain time agonizing over it. I was a blackout drinker so I can totally relate to this. Sometimes I'd just lose minutes here and there and other times hours in a blackout. I'd have whole conversations, call people I rarely spoke with, god knows what else...scariest times of my life. Thank you for reminding me why I cannot drink.

wallup

I was there too, and hope to never go back. Nearly every day I would wake up not exactly remembering phone conversations, and one or two times a week not quite sure if some things said happened in my dreams or for real. Heck, sometimes I didn't even know I made a phone call until I checked my call history. I pray I never have to go there again.

shakeel

Been there. I would not be able to differentiate Dreams with what actually had happened. conversations, encounters, acts... could not separate fact from fiction, I also used to have violent nightmares where I would start screaming at night. I'll have 3 months straight of sobriety next week, it has not been an easy road to recovery, I've been a chronic relapser for years through working with a sponsor, doing and living the steps I accumulated 3 months thus far.

Alan111

I used to have terrible blackouts where I'd have whole nights out that I could not remember. That's when I started to drink home alone to save myself the embarrassment of what I did when I was out.

FBL

I didn't have very many total blackouts, but the few I did have scared me to death. Mostly, I'd wake up with remorse about the things I could remember. The nice thing is, all of this stopped when I quit drinking for good.

MalkavianEmily

The last time I was drunk, which was also my last slip up (so far. I wish I could say I won't slip up again) I had three days of blackouts. Cooked and ate at least two meals. Made (and ate) some little apple pies, and the only reason I know this is that I saw the washing up (or leftovers) afterwards.

I'd had a couple before that, and quite a lot of 'What did I say last night?' moments.
I don't want to go back there.

SamanthaIam

Me, too -- I had a lot of trouble distinguishing dreams from reality from just random seemingly made-up stuff. It seems to be getting clearer (about a month sober), although I still have confusion at times.

onlythetruth

Yes, that happened to me, too. Scary as hell, isn't it???? Probably the scariest thing there is.

Hasn't happened once since I quit drinking though.

NYCDoglvr

Oh yea, I was a blackout drinker for years. Periods of time I couldn't remember.

My last blackout: it was right before Christmas and my brother brought a beautiful tree to my apartment. Saturday night I decided to trim it and also got out my nightly two bottles of wine. the next second I was in the ER, strapped to a gurney, half my face black and blue. In the blackout I took a big bottle of Valium. 20 years later I have no idea why. Well fear sent me running to AA and still keeps me going. Hey, I don't want to be dead! But once I pick up a drink I have no control over what happens, how much I drink.