behindblueyes

I stopped drinking after being hit by a car while walking home from a bar. I have a few other posts on here about detoxing and almost dying. Yet here I sit at an amazing new job sick with anxiety and detoxing because I went on a three day drinking binge this weekend. I have been to AA so many times, it doesnt work. I dont think anything will work for me but death and I have almost been there.

Why cant I just say no beer I dont want you? I do have ptsd, depression, anxiety but panic disorder since the age of 12 seems to be the real kicker. I am on Ativan but it causes withdrawal seizures. Beer do es not. My boss is coming in soon.. its going to be a long day.

Sapling

When you say AA doesn't work.....Did you get a sponsor and work the steps?

neferkamichael

You can say no beer I don't want you. Every time I get the urge I immediately say no. 1 year 11 months and 22 days sober. You can do it.

zjw

I'm sure you've done some amazing things in your life that where challenging and difficult and i'm sure your proud of yourself for pulling them off. Think about what your capable of doing. And remind yourself all you need to do for this is nothing. Thats right its easier to just not drink then it is to drink. Drinking involves having to go buy it make sure its avail work for the money to buy it. Find the time to sit around and consume it then once your impaired well there goes anything else you coulda gotten done. While not drinking you simply dont do it and instead take care of the other things you feel like doing

The point is its not impossible. I know for me I had to reach pretty deep for the strength to beat it. And i still have to reach deep. Last night on the phone with a buddy i hear him cracken beer after beer and I'll admit i was getting pretty thirsty. I love sitting around getting drunk shooting the bull with a bud. But I know i cant. I know what it does to me. I have to reach deep and find the strength to say no.

You wouldnt be sitting on this board with this problem if it wasnt a problem. IE the non smoker doesnt run around wining he needs a cigarette the addiction isnt exactly something we are born with. If you beat the habit it gets easier and its not as hard to say no after a while.

Those first few weeks months I dunno that i quit i sat in the evenings drinking herbal tea with clenched fists often times cause i was so tense and frustrated. I'd be doing the equivelent of pacing in my house. But now those tougher moments are fewer and fewer. It gets easier.

2granddaughters

You can't "Just Quit" because you are an alcoholic.

"I do have ptsd, depression, anxiety but panic disorder since the age of 12"
Have you been diagnosed with these? I have most of the symptoms of those disorders but they go along with advanced alcoholism as well.

If you have attended AA meetings in the past have you did you say the 3rd Step Prayer with complete abandon ?



The Third Step Prayer
from page 63 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

God, I offer myself to Thee-
To build with me
and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self,
that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties,
that victory over them may bear witness
to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.
May I do Thy will always!

Copyright © Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Go back to your AA group and ask a sober sane oldtimer how he/she did it... then do what they did.


I wish you the best

Bob R

Dee74

My life was terrible at the the end when I was drinking - but I still drank.

I found it impossible then to believe in a life where I did not drink - I relied on booze so much to do some many things for me that the thought of being without it terrified me.

But at the same time, it nearly killed me.

I had the abstract kind of 'yeah, I'll probably die' thoughts....but lying on my bathroom floor unable to get up and knowing I'd finally pushed the envelope too far, was a vastly different experience.

I don't recommend it.

Do whatever you can to avoid that - if you really feel AA doesn't work for you there's many many alternatives...

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

There's also counselling and rehab...

If you want to recover, there is a world of support out there, and absolutely no reason to give in if you don't want to - you just need to be prepared to reach out for help and work for success.

I wish you the best BEB

D

sugarbear1

No matter which program of recovery you choose to work; you are the one who needs to do the "work" to make that program "work" for you. Sitting in a SMART meeting or in an AA meeting isn't going to keep you from drinking, it's the work you choose to do. No work, no progress.

You need to really try hard to stay stopped. Maybe rehab can help you stay stopped for a while, then you put the effort in afterwards.

You can recover, if you choose to recover, but it's your work that will make the difference. It's a mental-physical thing, so be prepared for a lot of hard work!

You can stay stopped, too!

Zencat

I know that kicker all to well as my mental illness is much like those you have discribed. AA is a great program to work as a program of alcoholism recovery. For me AA (open meetings and secular 12-step work) is an adjunct to my primary treatment for my dual-diagnosis symptoms. I've tried treating my dual illness's with AA alone and the results were disastrous. So I thinking you may be doing the same and getting the same results I got.

I know without medical insurance getting psychiatric services is extremely difficult. Therapy and counseling is more affordable yet expensive too. If money is a problem do search out for nonprofit and free clinics/services. They are out there and it may be some work to find them but psych services can really make a huge beneficial difference in the quality of life for people like me.

Keep posting, keep up with your hope or foster an attitude of hope and working to recover.

behindblueyes

Its the panic disorder, I finally found alcohol works for panic and nothing else does. I have crazy panic attacks, these things hit me when I was young and never let up. I have been diagnosed by a doc with all these illnesses but I can tell u nothing gets rid of panic faster than beer. I dont drink liquor cuz it causes more attacks but I am really in need of help here to find a substitute. I have a problem with AA because I panic in public places and when trapped in rooms. Thanks.

Sapling

I don't know...I found out after stopping that beer was actually causing my panic attacks. I haven't had one since I stopped. If you could make a phone call to your local AA helpline and maybe meet with someone...For coffee or something and just talk...Would you be up for that? Maybe make a friendship and go to a meeting with that person one day?...They do that all the time for people that aren't comfortable going alone. Is that something you could handle?

Zencat

If you don't mind me asking, were you diagnosed with your anxiety before you started to drink or after?

SamanthaIam

Same here, Sapling -- alcohol was at the root of my anxiety and panic attacks (some of which I didn't think I could live through!). Since going alcohol-free and after those first few wretched days, I haven't had any more anxiety or panic.

Ups and downs, sure... but 9 line panic, nope.

Sapling

All that time I thought I was fixing the problem and I was pouring Gas on it.

FredG

One thing that I've found out in this life is that absolutely nothing works if you don't really want it to.

Just going to AA won't work - It only works if you work it. Step one is the only one that deals with drinking. After that the other 11 deal with how to stay stopped.

AVRT, AA, SR, or ANY other method won't work if you sit back and say it won't work. It HAS worked for millions, but they've wanted it to and have worked at making it work.

How about you? You want it bad enough to grab it? And once you've grabbed it are willing to go to any lengths to keep it?

2granddaughters

I did as well but they disappeared soon after I quit drinking and attended the meetings. Most of us here know exactly the feeling you are experiencing.

AA is not a problem, it is the cure.

Call the AA number in your local phone book and ask to talk to one of the members.. it will be a big step in the right direction.

I have been diagnosed by a doc with all these illnesses but I can tell u nothing gets rid of panic faster than beer
Is this what the Dr. prescribed for your condition(s), what was his recommendation ?

All the best.

Bob R

sharp75

i havnt read all posts on here so it may have been mentioned but im going to rehab to work on my issues for why i start drinking. many people say they ended up with a problem through the social life they had when they were younger but that wasnt the case for me, i drank because of traumas in my life and drink took all the horrible feelings away so im going to rehab to seek help on the issues for why i started drinking. take a long hard look into your past and figure out how long youve drank, reasons why youve drank and reasons why you cant seem to just stop etc and this may be what gives you the solution to what you need to do. i done this and i looked back on every aspect in my life that involved drink and i realised i never drank because i enjoyed it, i done it to either give me the confidence i never had and to take away the horrible thughts that ran through my head when sober.

ru12

Hi Blue eyes.

I stopped drinking about 18 months ago. I too found that AA wasn't for me. I find that reading here, SMART and AVRT work for me. Perhaps they will for you too. But, I quit drinking when I made the decision that I'm not going to put that poison in my body any longer. I control my hands and decide what I lift to my lips. I made the choice to not swallow ethanol. For me, it really is that simple.

Life is a lot better now that I'm sober. Not perfect, but so much easier than when I was drinking. I wish you the best.

behindblueyes

I had panic before I starrted drinking, age 12. I started drinking at 21 and am now 30. I am on day 3 detox but have been given Ativan for panic. I never mixed the two but Ativan withdrawal seems to be what I am now experiencing. I had to leave work early day one and sat at home all fourth of july. I just walked into work and bam, full blown attack. But I will not take a pill. I will suffer through this day and never touch them again. I didnt know Benzos were like alcohol or I wouldve thrown the script at my doctor. Everything is so loud. I called the office crying and they said I need to be seen. I have already lost two days of work and am not going to get fired because their doctor didnt warn me of the dangers of anti anxiety pills. I was ok yesterday, my anxiety is based off people all around me in this crowded office and its freaking me out. Thanks for all the replies.

2granddaughters

Crowds don't bother me any more. They weren't the problem, my alcoholism is/was the problem.

You are right where I was in 1989. My recovery began in a 90 day recovery home program then straight into AA. I took Valium for 15 yrs for my panic attacks from '74-'89 plus lots of booze.
No booze or pills since 1989. No Need.

I wish you the best.

Bob R

Introvrtd1

Same here.......whenever I stop drinking for a few days, I feel better.....then on weekends I binge ......mondays, tuesday, and maybe even wednesday, I'll feel like cr@p again.....its a vicious cycle of punishment.......my own fault......did the ativan thing....withdrawal effects were horrible......Im scared Im out of control......sigh