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Brain Torture, a slave to the crave

Old 06-29-2012, 01:25 PM
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Brain Torture, a slave to the crave

So everyday around the same time which is about a half hour before I leave work I get a massive urge. I try all the things I have read about like Urge Surfing but that one hour or so just kills me every day. My mind tries to steer me towards the store on the way home. I turn left instead of right to avoid the store and my brain starts devising other plans how it would get it's fix. I take the highway but my brain says get off at the next exit. Pass the exit so then my brain tells me to hit the atm on main and then hit the pizza store. I get to my street and there is still the thought that maybe I pass my house and roundabout to the atm and pizza shop.

Exhausted I force my car into the garage and go inside. I let dogs go outside but just quick and then go make some fast dinner. Dinner down and a Coffee in my belly and the cravings have finally gone.

This happens to me every single day. It is the reason I have relapsed numerous times over the last two and a half years. No matter how long I go sober, it never goes away. I am trying to learn how to do a good Urge Surf but it remains difficult.

Another day sober but at the usual daily cost. I hope against hope for an eventual retreat from my brain but for now I will just try to surf.

A small victory in very long and endless battle, may I win the war someday.
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Old 06-29-2012, 01:57 PM
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Suggestions that helped me in addition to what you have (recognition and understanding, commitment). Trying having a sugar hit about 30 minutes before the cravings come and 30 mins after that. (someone told me alcohol interferes with sugar metabolism and cravings having something to do with this).

The second one is a biggie. Know what you are dealing with (as you do) but do not struggle (but do not give in either). It's a bit like letting someone punch you and not fighting back- let the dude bang away until he is exhausted. I guess the mindset is that of passive resistance. I like to think of it as surrender.

When I could consistently adopt this mindset (not acting but not resisting thoughts) things really changed for me.

The daily practice of gratitude really helped as well

Good luck
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Old 06-29-2012, 02:00 PM
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Thanks for the above posting Insight, and Sudz, very helpful to me...
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Old 06-30-2012, 02:02 AM
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On the otherhand, John Barleycorn could be giving you lessons on what it means to be powerless - when the logical sane thought about the consequences just does not come when it is most needed. Could it be lack of power is your dilemna?
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Old 06-30-2012, 02:16 AM
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I am not working right now, but I always felt that way too after work, for me it was that I wanted to reward myself with some beer after a long day of work. I felt I deserved it. I used to get this "rush" after work and get all excited about having some drinks. Unfortunately this led to some bad hangovers in the morning before the next day at work, and I lost a petty good job because of it- from not being able to get up for work. That made me feel like such a looser.

Thanks for your post, sorry I don't have some good answers.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:44 AM
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That sounds like me and my drive back from work., or how it used to be.

It takes a while for your brain to re-program, that's a fact, but it will happen.

Is there a meeting you can hit right after work ? Call an AA buddy/sponsor ?
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:58 AM
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get a book on tape/cd to listen to on the way home. it doesnt even have to be about alcoholism. the drive home is a killer for me too...especially in this damn heat.
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Old 06-30-2012, 06:19 AM
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Early on I heard about HALT

The idea is to be vigilant and not allow yourself to become overly
Hungry-Angry-Lonely or Tired.

Because depression is part of my drinking history I added an S for Sad.

Thus...HALTS for me was important ..

BTW each time I returned to drinking some of these were in place..
.I was extra vulnerable during those times.

Grateful to no longer yearn crave or obsess over alcohol.
Hope everyone will soon get to that point...
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:01 AM
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Thanks Carol, I remember you mentioning HALT to me way back when I started and I did use it successfully a few times. The trouble I have is the darn thing just never shuts off. I don't have cravings right now but later I bet I will and I will just try to surf through them.

Even last night after beating the first round I had another bout and just went to bed, tossed and turned for about an hour and finally slept.
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Old 06-30-2012, 08:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Sudz No More View Post
This happens to me every single day. It is the reason I have relapsed numerous times over the last two and a half years. No matter how long I go sober, it never goes away.
How long have you ever been sober? Not trying to be rude, just wondering if you are expecting too much in a short period of time. I was fighting the obession at 90 days. It wasn't as strong as the first month, but it was there. Much less at 180, but the thought still popped up.

Twenty-two months sober next week--no urges.

Stay strong. It quits being a battle if you stay sober.
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Old 06-30-2012, 09:05 AM
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Thanks, I hear you Carl. I'm not sure but I think it was almost 120 days in the beginning. I went on a business trip in April of 2010 and the first night let myself down while margaritas were passing around in a peer pressure situation. I even think another guy from Michigan was an Alcoholic as he made a weird face when offered and then ordered a Coke. He never went to anymore after parties. I of course went to a few more that week and when I got tired of going out I did the complimentary at the hotel.

That said, I quickly got sober again when I got home and the majority of the last two and half years has been spent sober. I just usually go about one or two months and then let myself down for two or three days and then go back at being sober.

I know I need to change that which is why I am here posting.

Thanks again for everyone's responses good or bad, it helps me.
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Old 06-30-2012, 10:01 AM
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Originally Posted by TorontoGuy28 View Post
That sounds like me and my drive back from work., or how it used to be.

It takes a while for your brain to re-program, that's a fact, but it will happen.

Is there a meeting you can hit right after work ? Call an AA buddy/sponsor ?

I love that you said that. I was wondering about that. I was thinking about that very thing last night. That my brain is in a habit of the same ol same ol. I was hoping that would change.


Suds, do you think that will happen (the re-program) I was wondering because you seem to have gone a pretty good amount of time without drinking?
.
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Old 06-30-2012, 10:25 AM
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Originally Posted by MetalChick View Post
I love that you said that. I was wondering about that. I was thinking about that very thing last night. That my brain is in a habit of the same ol same ol. I was hoping that would change.
Essentially you have to form a new positive habit to replace it....

Sports, workouts, walks, meetings, volunteer work.......

Good news is that does STOP !
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Old 06-30-2012, 11:41 AM
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Originally Posted by MetalChick View Post
I love that you said that. I was wondering about that. I was thinking about that very thing last night. That my brain is in a habit of the same ol same ol. I was hoping that would change.


Suds, do you think that will happen (the re-program) I was wondering because you seem to have gone a pretty good amount of time without drinking?
.
I sure hope so Metalchick, I should point out to those new here how deep in I was and where I am now. I was around 15 strong cheap beers a day when I first quit. Drinking two of them at lunch at work, then pounding the rest when I got home. Some of then beers were double malts running around 8% a can. After I quit for the last two and a half years I haven't gone anywhere near those levels when I have slipped.

Some have said here that I need to give it more time and that may be true. As a whole though, the last two years is the least I have drank all my life. I eat right, lost a ton of weight and haven't gone off the deep end again.

Still, no matter how many days I string together without a drop the impulse to imbibe remains. I think I really just need to give several months without a drop a chance but four months and I still had mental obsession.

I want to try hard this time out to stick to it and see what happens.
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Old 06-30-2012, 12:29 PM
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Thanks Suds,

I guess there really is no quick fix for this mess we got ourselves into. I think it's so cool though, that you are doing so much better. I like reading your posts, because they help me, and I relate. That was what I drank too, strong beer. Well, I tried to mix it up with light beer. For me, 8 16oz beers at 120lbs is not good.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:39 PM
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Originally Posted by MetalChick View Post
Thanks Suds,

I guess there really is no quick fix for this mess we got ourselves into. I think it's so cool though, that you are doing so much better. I like reading your posts, because they help me, and I relate. That was what I drank too, strong beer. Well, I tried to mix it up with light beer. For me, 8 16oz beers at 120lbs is not good.

It is great that up here many of us can connect on a similar level. Where we have been, what we have done and where we want to go. I gain strength from conversing with like minds like yourself. Let's keep staying sober one day at a time and look to a future free of alcohol.
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Old 06-30-2012, 03:44 PM
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I was the same way could go a month or two and then drink, then stop, over and over...only have 66 days now, SR reading everyone post seems to be helping...thanks
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Old 06-30-2012, 07:18 PM
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I had similar cravings. hat I did was I started to eat a piece of chocolate or ice cream right before driving home. Surprisingly the craving was gone. I think it is the sugar the body wants since I was very stressed and desperatly tried to enhance my endorphins. It is an easy trick now just to eat some pie etc if I get hit hard....
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