Opinions Please!
Dragon Ball Fan
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by SW2012 
Hi there,
I am sort of dating someone who is an alcoholic. This is not very new to me since I grew up in a family of alcoholics but it's different when you're the girlfriend. I have caught him in a few lies, one being that he has a 2 year old daughter. He told me he didn't have children until I found out he did. He has also lied about how many times he's gone to rehab. He at first told me three times but then later said 5. He goes on binges and disappears for hours when he's drinking. He'll be doing great for a week or so and then all of a sudden something good or bad triggers him and he goes on a binge and that lasts for days. He goes to AA meetings and group sessions but on Monday, after he drank all weekend, he went to an AA meeting and was telling me this was it. No more drinking and then he went to a bar and drank his face off after the meeting. I'm not sure if I should stick with him and try my best to support him or if I should let him work the steps and get healthy on his own. The thing is (and it seems to be the case usually because my dad was the same) that when he's sober he's the most kind and caring person I've ever met but when he drinks he's angry at the world. I'm not sure what my next steps should be. I'm not sure if I should stay. This is a fairly new relationship. We've been dating for a few months but he seems to not ever want to be alone. He says he drinks when he gets lonely and he's always questioning me as to where I am and who I'm with. I feel like he's totally attached himself onto me for some reason. He's asked me to go to meetings with him and I am willing to do that. I'm just not sure how to support him without enabling him. I get scared of upsetting him because I don't want him to drink beecause I upset him. The other day he said he drank because I shocked him when I told him that I wasn't sure if we should date right now since he needs to focus on getting better.
Can anyone give me suggestions or their opinions as to what I should do next?
Thanks in advance.
I am sort of dating someone who is an alcoholic. This is not very new to me since I grew up in a family of alcoholics but it's different when you're the girlfriend. I have caught him in a few lies, one being that he has a 2 year old daughter. He told me he didn't have children until I found out he did. He has also lied about how many times he's gone to rehab. He at first told me three times but then later said 5. He goes on binges and disappears for hours when he's drinking. He'll be doing great for a week or so and then all of a sudden something good or bad triggers him and he goes on a binge and that lasts for days. He goes to AA meetings and group sessions but on Monday, after he drank all weekend, he went to an AA meeting and was telling me this was it. No more drinking and then he went to a bar and drank his face off after the meeting. I'm not sure if I should stick with him and try my best to support him or if I should let him work the steps and get healthy on his own. The thing is (and it seems to be the case usually because my dad was the same) that when he's sober he's the most kind and caring person I've ever met but when he drinks he's angry at the world. I'm not sure what my next steps should be. I'm not sure if I should stay. This is a fairly new relationship. We've been dating for a few months but he seems to not ever want to be alone. He says he drinks when he gets lonely and he's always questioning me as to where I am and who I'm with. I feel like he's totally attached himself onto me for some reason. He's asked me to go to meetings with him and I am willing to do that. I'm just not sure how to support him without enabling him. I get scared of upsetting him because I don't want him to drink beecause I upset him. The other day he said he drank because I shocked him when I told him that I wasn't sure if we should date right now since he needs to focus on getting better.
Can anyone give me suggestions or their opinions as to what I should do next?
Thanks in advance.
Maybe he lies as he is scared of losing you to the truth.
If he does does not amend his untruthful ways, you should end the relationship as you also have individual needs etc etc.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Although I'm an alki and using this forum for support for my own selfish addictive ways.
I sometimes go to the friends and family department. I read what heartbreak and trauma some people have gone through. It really upsets me sometimes. People who have been with someone who turns out to be an alcoholic/user. Everything they go through/are going through makes me feel alot of sadness for them. Some have broken free from an addictive relationship and I cheer (metaphorically, not out loud, my neighbours would complain!) I am married to a borderline normie/binge drinker (although he stuck by me, I think I have put him off alcohol somewhat) I can only say one thing... if you are not too emotionally involved yet... run for the hills! Take care x
I sometimes go to the friends and family department. I read what heartbreak and trauma some people have gone through. It really upsets me sometimes. People who have been with someone who turns out to be an alcoholic/user. Everything they go through/are going through makes me feel alot of sadness for them. Some have broken free from an addictive relationship and I cheer (metaphorically, not out loud, my neighbours would complain!) I am married to a borderline normie/binge drinker (although he stuck by me, I think I have put him off alcohol somewhat) I can only say one thing... if you are not too emotionally involved yet... run for the hills! Take care x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Eastern U.S.
Posts: 64
My dad was an alcoholic. I am a grandmother now. He was kind, loving, caring when he was sober. The sober times became fewer and fewer over the years while I was growing up. A dad, we live with because he is our dad. A spouse, a partner... we don't have to live with it, especially if there are no children. If you were to stay with him, you would enable him and he would get worse and worse... I am guessing to the point you really hated him. If it were me, I would say once you clean up your act, give me a call...in about a year or two.
My son, an alcoholic is always wonderful sober or not sober (until I saw the last incident where he couldn't stand). I imagine his children and wife have seen some 'not so nice times'.
My son is the best person anyone could know, kind, giving, faithfilled, loving...wonderful -- I am hoping and praying my real son reappears. It may not happen... I have come to understand that. Do I believe it won't happen? I am not sure. I guess in the back of my brain I believe he will sober. I just don't know.
I do know I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone person who didn't know enough to stop drinking after one beer. I read somewhere if you can go into a bar and have one beer and leave... it may be o.k. If you can't.... then there is a problem.
I don't know a lot about this other than I lived with an alcoholic father, now my son at 40 is alcoholic. I feel sorry for myself at times...but became stronger and don't want to be manipulated any more.
My son, an alcoholic is always wonderful sober or not sober (until I saw the last incident where he couldn't stand). I imagine his children and wife have seen some 'not so nice times'.
My son is the best person anyone could know, kind, giving, faithfilled, loving...wonderful -- I am hoping and praying my real son reappears. It may not happen... I have come to understand that. Do I believe it won't happen? I am not sure. I guess in the back of my brain I believe he will sober. I just don't know.
I do know I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone person who didn't know enough to stop drinking after one beer. I read somewhere if you can go into a bar and have one beer and leave... it may be o.k. If you can't.... then there is a problem.
I don't know a lot about this other than I lived with an alcoholic father, now my son at 40 is alcoholic. I feel sorry for myself at times...but became stronger and don't want to be manipulated any more.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
Do you have any boundaries in a relationship? What are you seeking in a partner? I say this as you've already been lied to several times, but that's okay in your relationship....what else is okay? Is anything NOT okay in this relationship???
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Yeah SW, other than running like hell I'd look into counseling to get to the root of why you only feel like you deserve this kind of significant other. You deserve so much more than this and if you can't see that you need therapy to get to the bottom of it!
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