Lilou

I started drinking about 4 years ago, when I was about 17. At first I was drinking once every two or three weeks, then once a week, at certain times I would drink less (like during the school year). And now, for about a year and a half i have been drinking about two times a week (and unable to drink less often).
About 3 weeks ago I realised I have addiction, that alcohol has been my primary problem, and depression, loneliness etc have just been excuses..
I thought this realisation was enough to make me stop.
But I wasn't able to stop drinking or even reduce the amount really..
I then resolved I won't talk to talk to any of my friends (all of them were just drinking partners not friends anyway, I don't have real friends at the moment) i thought that would be enough..
Then, when I realised it wasn't, I gave my mom my phone and my debit card and instructed her to take the homephone with her as well whenever she was leaving the house, so I don't have any temptations or means for obtaining alcohol.
This happened a week and a half ago, since then i got drunk twice already: The first time i used all the dollars with nice pictures at the back (the jubilee dollars) I have been collecting, and the second time I was on the point of going to the bank and telling them i lost my debit card so they could make me a new one, but then my "friend" knocked on my door and ended up buying me alcohol.
This happened yesturday. Today I am hungover, feel very sick, and, most importantly so ashamed of myself.. I promised my mom so many times I wouldn't get drunk again, that I understand everything etc.. I spend the whole day today in my room cuz i was ashamed to come outside and look my mom in the eye.
Yesturday I told my "friend" honestly that I have never viewd him as a real friend, that to me he is just a walking can of beer, a provider of alcohol, so he won't be coming again..
But something tells me that some other opportunity will come up, something I haven't ruled out and I will use it to get drunk again.. I just don't know what to do, when an opportunity to drink arises my whole mindset changes and I can't use the easiest logic anymore, I forget all the negative consequences, I think that I'll just have one little bottle of wine or 4 cans of beer and will come home almost sober, but this never happens.. I really don't know what to do.. When I see a drinking opportunity a become a different person..
I've been to AA a while ago, for about a month, but back then I was in denial + I am a shy person so I'm not too comfortable with it..
Can you tell me if there is another way of treating te addiction..?
I'm thinking of going to the doctor and asking them to prescribe me antabuse or something, you know the pill that in combination with alcohol makes you sick, and taking it every morning (asking my mom to make sure i do) for about 2 months, and after 8 weeks they say psychological addicition is not nearly as strong.. What do you think about that? Do i even need a prescription for these medications? Are there any other ways to help stop drinking??

sugarbear1

Rehab.

CarolD

Welcome...

Many of us are winning over alcohol useing a variety of methods
concepts ideas and some like me..use a structured program

A big plus for me...AA gives me support and understanding
with new friends who share my goal of lasting sobreity...

When you use Antabuse..it's suggested you also use a recovery
program. Also...it's hard on the liver so regular tests must be
done by a doctor. In the U.S. you need a script

Yes...you too can quit and stay quit...please keep posting

soberbrooke

The only thing that helped me was AA and a book called "M.A.P. Medical Assistance Program" 3rd edition, at first.
I was introduced to AA when I was 17, and didn't get it until I was 41. Now I am 42, been sober for 6 months, and starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I now read the Big Book, go to meetings everyday, call my sponsor and meditate and attune myself to my Higher Power every morning.
"Edgar Cayce" says that alcoholics are missing gold and silver in our brains which cause the desire and the cravings. Look it up, but oysters have gold and silver in them, salsify, the oyster plant, and a lot of other foods that our bodies need, you can do a search and find out more.
I have no cravings or desires for alcohol at all, and am now just trying to find out who I am. I have 6 months of sobriety though and I am happy to be dealing with life on life's terms sober.

MalkavianEmily

Welcome Lilou :ghug3
I've always been a shy person. The good thing I find about AA is the new friends I've met. Friends who understand and don't judge me.
And yes. When you see the doctor, be honest, rather than just truthful. Let them do what they can for you. I'm off to see the local alcohol services tomorrow, and that's what I'm going to do. Don't wait till you're my age.
Be strong. You can do it. You're worth it.

SamanthaIam

Are you there, Lilou? Would love an update from you.

The thing is, you can quit. If you haven't read this yet, check out the crash course in recovery at rational.org That and the whole rational recovery approach have helped me a lot in getting "unstuck" from the place of feeling like I couldn't quit.

2granddaughters

I strongly suggest you get comfortable with it... AA will save your life.

All the best.

Bob R

vinepest

Well as far as I know there do not currently exist any demonstrably effective treatments for alcoholism. Certain people claim that AA or RR (Rational Recovery) or whatever else has been effective for them, but such claims are difficult to verify.

So you are welcome to try AA or RR, or you can just quit with the support of friends and family (like I did). If you're religious, it's usually pretty easy to find something tailored to your favorite holy book. One method seems to be as good as any other. So, you can do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

I don't know---that's something to ask your doctor about.

Probably my answers have been disappointing so far, but let me offer you one piece of advice which I think you might find useful: You have the right idea about planning ahead. You recognize that you're going to have weak moments, and so you try to make it more difficult for yourself to buy booze on a whim. That is exactly what you should do, so good job so far. But as you can see, it's not nearly enough. You have to do more.

What more? In addition to doing stuff like giving away debit cards and telling off booze buddies, you need to work on your psychological habits. It seems to me that your biggest pitfall is your own psychology. So, try THINKING about why you should not drink, and developing rational arguments for why you should not drink. If you genuinely convince yourself that it is in your best interest not to drink, then it will be MUCH easier to resist cravings.

Try to identify the excuses you make to drink, and clearly expose them for the ridiculous excuses they are. Then when it comes time to make those excuses again, they won't feel much like excuses anymore.

So that's my advice. Reflect on your own psychology, and try to prepare yourself mentally for what is to come. Preparation is everything.

Oh, and one last thing: Quitting is not easy. You should let yourself know that these next few weeks are going to be tough. It sounds like you have family to support you, and that's great! But it doesn't change the fact that you have to do the work yourself---nobody can do it for you. Other people can encourage you, but you have to actually do the work yourself. And that stinks sometimes, so be ready for that. Fortunately, it is well worth the effort, I can assure you.

Good luck!

MetalChick

This may sound ignorant and I am new here, so my opinion lacks experience, but I was thinking that maybe you have not come to a place yet where you hate drinking more than you like it. It may still be more fun then not. Also, are you wanting to quit for your mom or for yourself? I am am just asking, not saying this is how you feel.

Lilou

Thank you everyone for your responses!
The hardest thing for me is to understand what's causing the problem drinking.
And I'm pretty sure now it is my lifestyle that’s causing me to drink so irresponsibly… Because really, for my age I still lead a pretty childish lifestyle, my mom paying for everything and arranging everything for me, even going grocery shopping and cleaning the place… So if I had more responsibilities, for instance had a job and didn’t have the option of staying in bed sick all day because of some hangover, but had to go to work no matter what to pay the rent, the alcohol problem would just disappear naturally (maybe a couple of shifts while hungover would teach me a lesson)…
Also, another reason I drink this way is because we never had alcohol at home and I never had too much money to buy it for myself, so for me it’s still largely the “forbidden fruit” and whenever someone buys it for me I automatically get this immature “drink it all while you can” attitude and often go overboard because of it…
Those points don’t even sound like excuses really.. maybe it is the reason.. And there is only one way to find out.. So I have decided to get a job and move out-- rent a room or an apartment.. with this will come the responsibilities that will discipline me and alcohol won’t be the “forbidden fruit” anymore. If my theory is correct, after I move out and become busy and occupied just like any normal person the drinking problem should just disappear on its own..but if it doesn’t.. it’s gonna suck. seriously..

David 1

It doesn't disappear but with a proper treatment plan alcoholism is certainly manageable.

The good news is your only 21 so you are ahead of most people in that you already realize you have a problem with alcohol. You just don't have the decades of being drunk and all the bad things that go with it.

A lot of people are uneasy at meetings, but it's worth saving your life to make the effort to start going and participate.

Take care,

Dave

lifewithoutbooz

Getting some responsibility under your belt is a great move but you have to dig down and find out why you choose to drink the way you do. Blaming it on the 'forbidden fruit' doesn't cut it. I started drinking when I was 15 (not a lot). I was a social drinker throughout my 20s (and a damn good one), and spent the last 16 years becoming a full fledged alcoholic.

I'll be 46 next week. It's Day 6 for me today and I thought "Hmmm, maybe I'll have just one glass of wine tonight". Then I went back to my journals and saw what one glass became - two glasses, a bottle, two bottles... you get the idea. Do what it takes to kick this thing because you are still so young. If I knew at 15 where I'd be today with my addiction I would have never have had my first drink.

That being said, Antabuse is available in Canada by doc's prescription but it's only a Bandaid for an underlying problem. You have to really want to quit drinking otherwise you'll just start again after you quit the meds. And I hear they're hard on your liver and not just make you feel sick. They mimick heart attacks in some people.

Good luck and stay in touch!

endlesspatience

Please keep posting. We really want to hear of your progress.

pinkdog

I think you have to be ready. Google stages of readiness. See how you feel about that. It's up to you to do it. Best wishes.

jsch

Maybe it's not any of those circumstances. Remember when you move out you are taking yourself with you. Maybe you are just an alcoholic. If you do still have drinking problem when you move out, remember that and don't try and find another reason why you are drinking.

Lilou

Thank You! I mentioned in the thread that's next to mine, that for me the hardest days to resist alcohol are days 4 and 5, If I could only figure out how long it takes for those cravings to go away or become much weaker I would just use Antabuse for this period of time, and then after that, my own willpower would be enough to continue to stay sober.. It's very unfortunate that it damages the liver..
..But fortunately (this is the first time that I'm thinking of it this way) I have "health anxiety" and ANY unpleasant sensation in my body or even the prospect of having one causes me to panic, so I could take half or even 1/3 of a pill ( so it won't be as damaging hopefully) and I'm pretty sure that would be enough to prevent me to even come near a liquor store..
..My health anxiety and panic attacks stopped me from becoming addicted to cocaine, mdma, weed and ecstasy back when I was a teenager when I thought it was cool trying all those drugs.
Unfortunately my health anxiety doesn't work with alcohol, the substance has to be either illegal (you never know what they put in there, you can die on the spot before you know it, that makes me incredibly anxious) and/or unfamiliar, for instance antidepressants or even adrenalin shots at the dentist (you never know how it's gonna react in your body + some of the side effects they list are pretty horrible). But alcohol is licensed by the government, so I know its safe, and is too familiar to me (and I first tried it when I had no health anxiety) + it's a depressant so it inhibits my anxiety response.. But if I first take this “scary” Antabuse pill, it's gonna be a whole different story..
Actually, it’s essentially because of anxiety that at one point I made a conscious decision to “just stick to alcohol”.. so now I have to develope anxiety against alcohol too, because it was a really bad decision it turned out..
endlesspatience

Thank you! I will

Lilou

pinkdog
jsch
After I have finished my response about cravings, I think you are right. There definitely is some addiction.. Someone who just tried a “forbidden fruit” or someone who is just lazy and irresponsible and unproductive doesn’t get cravings for alcohol every 5 days. So I guess I am lazy and irresponsible and unproductive AND Alcoholic.
…Who knew that such an incredibly motivated, smart and promising kid would become such a shameful excuse of human being in a few years.. Seriously, why of all people this happened to ME! I have no history of alcoholism in my family, I started drinking regularly relatively late.. some of my friends were drinking regularly at 13-14 and drank More than me, and they are not alcoholics, It’s ME who is! There is no logic in this!

OklaBH

Whoa whoa whoa! Hold on there! The self loathing isnt going to get you healthy. Thoughts like these will keep you drunk and put you in a hell hole. First off you are 21 years old and smart enough to see that this is a problem. Big applause to you!
OK? Im 37 and slowly but surely for the last year and half have come to terms with it. ----thats called a SLOW LEARNER!

Ok so you know you need to quit. Now what are you going to do for support? Goto the Dr? See a therapist? Church? AA? I strongly suggest you read and absorb as much as you can on here.

You have a long beautiful life ahead of you. I am glad that you are saving yourself the hell that most of us put ourselves through now.

lifewithoutbooz

OklaBH is totally right! Self loathing won't get you anywhere. You're smart and brave enough to admit you have a problem and want to do something about it. You have options - you just have to decide what's best for you.

After my comment about Antabuse, I will say that I suffered incredibly horrible anxiety attacks triggered by the loss of a loved one. The alcohol only fueled the fire. I was put on Ativan which I became addicted to and the withdrawals from that were way were worse than those from alcohol. After kicking that habit, the anxiety came back - but not so badly. They have become few and far between but I got/get through them with Clonazapem. Started with a tablet a day (I think that's the max) and am down to half of one once every one or two weeks or whenever the anxiety strikes. They just take a slight edge off - I don't feel 'out of it' at all. You can get it by prescription and it's not addictive - well at least hasn't been for me.

Good luck and keep posting. I've found some truly wonderful people on this site who keep me going. Day 7! Let's do this!!!

David 1

I have come to regard my alcoholism as a strength - I am the worlds best designated driver!

If you are smart, imagine what your potential is free from the effects of alcohol!!

Dave