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I feel very down Hey everyone, I have been sober for 6 months. I have a lot of family stuff going on at the moment. My uncle has been diagnosed with bladder cancer and my sister is going through a tough time with her husband. He is from Romania and doesn't treat her very well, they are constantly fighting. I have become friendly with a guy from a different country. We started talking online and I decided to meet him in person. I travelled to Dublin to meet him. I didn't want to hide it from my parents so I decided to discuss it with my father, I knew what his reaction would be, he told me to break off all contact with this man, which I have not done yet. I talked to my therapist today and he said that this sneaking around and lying is similar behaviour to what I was doing when I was drinking. He said if my parents knew they would not trust me again. I enjoyed this man's company, it has been a long time since I had enjoyed a man's company so much. My therapist was annoyed with me and I feel sad and bad now. I left my therapy session feeling very down. I have just come from an AA meeting. I feel very sad today. |
Sorry to know of your distress...:hug: Glad you did go to a meeting...next time you are there please talk with a newer member....reaching out always helps me keep my recovery growing....:yup: Well done on your 6 months...:funjump: |
Sorry you are feeling down. I had a terrible history of making poor decisions, which must have been very frustrating for the people who had my best interests at heart, like I'm sure your parents and therapist do. You mentioned your sister having problems with a husband "from another country." Perhaps your dad is just trying to spare you the heartache she is going through. Just a thought. Six months is awesome! Keep going. |
Congratulations on 6 months! |
Don't be too down on yourself. You were honest with your father and he sounds like he over reacted. That doesn't sound like sneaking around so I'm not sure I understand why your therapist is angry with you. Seems a bit extreme of your father to tell you (a grown adult) to break it off with someone he knows nothing about. I think it is great that you are six months sober. There are many people who are incapable of that level of conviction. Keep up the good work and hold your head high. |
Don't be to sad.. It was good you went to the meeting. But even though your therapist may of had a point he shouldn't of told you things that made you depressed. I have had multiple therapists and never has one said something like that only supportive things.. If you leave not feeling happy get a different one. Yes your Dad over reacted.. Its common people meet over the net these days and your dad not really being in the age of the net does not understand either. |
In the "How it works" chapter of the Big Book it says we must be honest if we are to stay sober. Keeping secrets and lying is a straight path back to drinking. Recovery is finding we have choices: to drink or not, to tell the truth or lie, to take responsibility for our actions. Your choice. |
I am sorry that you are feeling down, I hope you can live though this difficult period of time. I will pray for you. Good luck, dude! |
I guess you could consider me "Old School AA", so I'm going to share what was strongly suggested to me in early recovery. Do not make any life changes (if at all possible) within the first year of sobriety. Of course, being an adult married woman with three children, I knew better than those with more experience at staying sober. Although I was separated from my husband of 25 years and had already filed for divorce, instead of putting it on hold, I went forward and was granted the divorce on my 90th day of "sobriety". Part of the reason I was so anxious to get the divorce over with was that I had become involved in a "rehab romance" with a fellow alcoholic while in a 12 day detox. Like you, I was very vulnerable and longed for someone with whom I felt comfortable and would make me feel loved and needed. He told me he had been in AA for eight years. What he failed to include was that he had been in and out of detox several times during that eight years. Against everyone's advice, I continued this relationship until the inevitable...he started drinking, I started drinking, I wound up back in detox. I have no idea what happened to him...he could be dead, for all I know. Although the divorce, too, was probably inevitable, I wish I had waited at least a year...I do believe I would have been better equipped emotionally. As it was, I had to seek counselling two years into sobriety because I had become so deeply depressed. The therapist explained that I had not fully mourned the divorce. Those were two very painful learning experiences that could have been avoided, had I taken the advice of those who knew better than I and had my best interests at heart. That all happened 30+ years ago...but, I wouldn't hesitate to give that same advice to anyone wanting to stay sober: Do not make any life changes (if at all possible) within the first year of sobriety. If you and your cyber friend are meant to be together, it will happen in good time. Why rush things? You can still communicate via internet. Its common people meet over the net these days and your dad not really being in the age of the net does not understand either. I wish for you a happy, sober future. |
For what it's worth, when I start to feel stressed or down, I have found that working out is an excellent remedy. Feeling great physically goes a long way to maintain mental optimism. Dave |
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