alexo

My names Alex and I am in pretty dire need of getting sober. I have drank heavily since my junior year of highschool and after doing it for four years I reached out for help in march. My parents are both alcoholics but 30 + years sober. I have only been able to accumulate 21 days of sobriety and gone back to the bottle 4 times. Im coming off another horrible 3 day binge and am finally able to type without shaking too much. My friends are all freaked out that I am drinking this much because they can be responsible with a drink in there hands and now my dad doesnt talk to me. I dont understand why I drink. I fight and wreck cars and do all sorts of stupid stuff when I am blacked out which is after like 2 drinks now. I cant legally buy alcohol and I dont have a fake but I have learned that I can usually go to enough liquor stores to where someone will sell to me and it is killing me. My problem is I get 2 or 3 weeks and I feel like Im coming undone because of these cravings for a drink. I feel as crazy as I do when I am drunk and i end up relapsing and its always downhill from there. I go to AA and i had a sponsor but he stopped working with me and I dont blame him at all. I dont know how much more I can handle and by day 3 i always feel like this time I am done for real but I cant find it in me to kick it completely. I enjoy AA I get to be around people who understand but being 20 i get alot of people saying things like "I spilled more than you drink" and stuff like that but if I were to drink for decades like some have I dont think ide be here in a year let alone 10. I dont want to die from this **** so please give me your thoughts if you have any, anything is appreciated.

awuh1

I’m curious about what happens in the time between 14 and 21 days. You say you have intense cravings. Is there anything that seems to set them off? What are you saying to yourself when you get about this much time sober? Perhaps describing that a bit more may bring more ideas from others.

alexo

Usually by 2 weeks I will start feeling alot better and more hopeful but Ive noticed that in meetings the cravings get unreal to the point to where I cant focus and then its like my mind is made up before I can tell myself its a bad idea. I always seem to plant this little seed in the back of my head that is planning my next drink for me and I ignore it for as long as I can but then its over. I dont know if its the same thing that triggers all these relapses to be honest. But my mind seems to subconsciously think about drinking all the time, I have dreams where I am getting really drunk and these become regular after a span of sobriety.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Alex
You'll certainly find support and a few ideas here

Have you tried a few different meetings - maybe another would be a better fit for you?

Otherwise, there's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players (including but not limited to AA):

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

The main thing tho - whatever you decide to do - is do something, you know?
Keep trying....

D

awuh1

Ya, I got to give you credit for hanging in there. I tend to dislike those I-spilled-more-than-you-drank-guys also. Interesting that these very strong urges happen in meetings. Makes me think that "urge surfing" might help. Here are a couple links. Urge Surfing – A Cool Skill » Dr George's Blog

Mindful Recovery and Relapse Prevention for the Holidays | Mindfulness and Psychotherapy

The other thing that comes immediately to mind is the idea of thinking the drink through. When you have made the decision to drink, imagine what it will be like after 1, 2, 3, .....30 drinks. Then what it will be like to "come to" from the blackout. Then rethink that decision.

I hope this helps, even a little. I have to admit I still puzzle about you wanting to drink while attending meetings. Did you go to meetings as a kid, with your parents?

MrDavid

I hear you Alexo. I went through similar cravings myself, so I know how stressful it can be. They always seemed to peak right around 2 maybe 3 weeks sober. I couldn't get over that hurdle for the life of me; that was until my addiction counselor gave me some suggestions. This is what he said.

*One of the reasons behind our supposed cravings can be low blood sugar. So have your blood sugar checked by a doctor to see if its low or not.

*Eating a healthy meal, like fibre-rich whole foods, is essential. And lay off any sugary soft drinks. Drink water instead and lots of it. That's why they say in sobriety "don't get too hungry", okay.

Here's another suggestion Alexo; research this topic further with the help of a qualified physician. They can provide you with some additional information, if need be. Addiction counselors can benefit you as well, so give them a try if you can. Oh, one last thing; don't take this disease for granted, not now or ever. The key to my success has been acceptance, that and a strong sober connection. All of us can achieve the miraculous, but very few actually try. So stay connected sir and never give up hope. We won't, either should you.

Here's another link about cravings.
http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.u...ohol-cravings/

tomsteve

welp,iffen ya decide to go back to AA, ya may want to listen to them people that say they spilled more than you drank. they are sober and have many years of knowledge of what didnt work to get sober and great experience on what does work.
you may also want to check out YPAA. theres meetings in denver.
and what does it matter iffen someone tells ya they spilled more that you drank? are you willing to go to any lengths to get sober?

CarolD

Welcome ....

I'm also one of the AA members that did return to drinking...
many times after I joined AA. I never quit going tho it took
me 5 years to earn my 1 year medallion.

The keys for me....I read a book about alcoholism..."Under The
Influence' by Milam & Ketcham

We have a sticky post with excerpts here
not everything pertained to me..but it sure was an eye opener.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html


Took that info...reconnected To God and AA
Started my AA Steps...and went from shakey sobreity
into solid recovery.,,

later on I found SMART recovery...that has an approach I think
is interesting....tho i was already an AA recovered alcoholic
so I did not use it for my alcoholism..

All my best as you get back on track...

sugarbear1

You aren't alone!

Colorado Young People in AA ccypaaws.com/

Glad you are here! (and stop listening to those egos in AA.... tell 'em to work another 4th step! It's not a competition....)

Gottalife

Hey Alex,
my last bender was after 21 days dry, a very long time for an alcoholic of my type to go without a drink. I couldn't see how I would ever get 21 days up again, such a long time. The old timers said one day at a time. And that's how i took it. i wasn;t confident it would work and I never took a note of the date but oneday my sponsor told me I had been sober 3 months, a miracle! That 3 months has built into 32 years.

I was 22 when I got the message and I know that something changed in that last bender. Defeated I surrendered on all levels unconditionally. I had become willing to go to any lengths.

Back in them days I was one of the youngest around but I had no problem with the older guys. They were kind and tolerant, and had plenty of life experience and wisdom. I learned from them. Other young ones began to turn up and inevitably someone got the idea that young people are different and should have their own group. So we formed the "Young at heart Group". I still smile at the choice of name, and the first thing we did was ask inter-group if we could have a party in the rooms - it was prettyy awful, like tyring to do the old things without booze and most of us got very bloated on soda. Automatic elbow kept pouring the softdrink down our necks even though we were well overdosed.

The thing about this group was that many were just beginning their journey and were not yet in that place of acceptance. Unlike me, their lives had not crashed on take off, they still questioned things as youth is want to do, and they had more research to do.

I found myself gravitating back toward older more experienced members who could teach me what I needed to know because they had been living the program for a longer period. While I socialised with other young folks, my sobriety came from mostly the older recovered members.