Pock89

I'm feeling a little sad today...well, I have been feeling this way since I got sober 34 days ago.
I ran around with pretty much the same people every time I went out. I thought we were all pretty close. I would tell these people all about what's going on in my life, very personal things, and spend a good chunk of my time with them.
I've noticed that now that I've been sober and obviously don't go out to the bars anymore, none of these "friends" call anymore. No one calls to check in, or anything. It's like they've all disappeared.
I go to AA meetings every night. I just finished my 30 in 30. Now I'm working towards 60 in 60. So I am definitely making friends with people in AA that I see frequently at meetings, but I'm still bothered that the people I thought I was so close to, decided to stop talking to me because I stopped drinking.
Has anyone else experienced this? It's kind of upsetting to me. It almost makes me wish I was still drinking...And I know that's not a good place to be mentally....

tomsteve

yup. sure did experience it. learned we only had one thing in common and that was drinking.

all them friends i drank with had the solutions to my problems in a bottle.
all the friends i have made in AA tried that for a long time and found better solutions.

zjw

when you die you'll be able to count all your good friends on one hand if your lucky is what my mother always said. I've had a lot of people come and go who i thought where great friends or going to be great friends. As a result personally i've about given up. I'm down to 1 friend left dunno how long that will last. All the companionship etc.. i need i seem to be able to get from who lives under my roof (wife and kids).
Its sort of lonely on one hand but i'm used to these so called "Friends" being of little use to me.

I guess the point is friends come and go if you really would like some foster new relationships. But like my mom said no sense in holding on to em too tightly.

llastchance8

In hard reality, those were not friends. They were acquaintances who used your company to quench their thirst. In fact , by all probable means, they acted as catalyst to increase your thirst for alcohol . If they are gone, it is a good occasion .

Live2Run25

I'm in the exact same place. My "group" only ever met up in bars. I'd suggest a movie, or making dinner, but somehow it would still include drinking. I'm still upset that we can't seem to do anything non alcohol related, but I'm excited to see if I can make new friends that don't need to revolve around alcohol. I don't need to be around people who will probably try to pressure me to drink.

FredG

I think everyone of us experiences this to one degree or another. I found that the "friends" I had when I was drinking were what I now call my "bought and paid for" friends. They were willing to be friends as long as I was buying rounds or commiserating with them. Once I called myself an alcoholic and started getting myself better I became a threat to them. They were uncomfortable in my presence. After all if I was one of those guys, then maybe they were too.

That's why AA became so important to me. I was able to build a circle of people around me that actually cared about me and weren't there just cause it was convenient for them. Not only did they welcome me the first time but they even wanted me to come back.

Pock89

I find that I can't even really talk to them anymore. For example, the last time I talked to one of them, it was over the phone, and she asked me when I was going to take my sober shoes off and come to the bar again. I mean, not only have they pretty much forgotten I even exist, but they're completely not supportive of me in any way.
It's kind of disturbing that I thought these people were such good friends when in reality, they obviously don't have my best interest in mind.

llastchance8

You said it all .. They do not have your best interest in mind .. Time to make new friends .. Look around ,, you will find many friends who share same hobby, sports, activity you like but they do not consider drinking as main focal point of their life .

zjw

yep gotta put on your thick skin and move on. It is disturbing but its all too common.