MetalChick

Sapling,

I was pondering that today, so I am so glad you mentioned fear of change. You hit the nail on the head.

It is like we have the same thinking- well, I mean the thinking you used to have that i still have

thanks

Sapling

I don't know about you...But I'm an alcoholic. You know when this problem became solvable for me?....When I honestly admitted that to myself...The lie was over....The gig was up....I was done.

tomsteve

alcoholism is a disease that told me i dont have a disease, everythings allright, keep on drinking. it is a liar.

gaffo

I am at eight months now. The first month was really hard, getting through that gave me a little hit of momentum--I never wanted to go through that again. After that it got a little easier. Every day was better than the last but still very emotional and weird until somewhere around six months. I was reshaping my own reality--or it was reshaping itself. 12skiptomylue was right on about perspective and "it being more of a problem than I was giving it credit for".

It is the best decision I ever made in my life. And I have a very good life. Quitting drinking made everything better for me. It is worth the work. Best of luck!

smacked

Welcome

OklaBH

The first few days arent fun. Its gets better. Everyday without alcohol gets easier. I still have the complusion but reading from people on here who have many years sober under there belt I know that the compulsion will eventually go away. Good luck and I know you will be happier sober.

MetalChick

Thanks for all your help. I am learning a lot.

My BF was talking about going on this Metal cruise in a few months. Its a barge from hell cruise- I think its called. Lots of bands and fun. Usually I would wonder if I was going to drink too much at the event and make an ass out of myself and wonder if I could control my drinking. I would be excited about going, but worried about drinking- hope that makes sense. Anyhow, today I actually pictured myself on the cruise not drinking and just having a good time. That maybe I can be free of that dread. It is a few months away, but I never thought this way before, or that I just might be free, or be able to have fun without the alcohol. Its been a while, but a small part of me remembers that fun jovial person that used to somewhat like herself and be excited by other things than partying with alcohol.

Normally when I go to a show, I drink before I go, and then drink when I get there. I try my best to pace myself-- but I spend the night obsessed with the drinking thing. I have managed not to let myself get too crazy or sloppy for a while now, but it is always a stupid battle in my mind- Plus my BF hates it when I am already drunk before we even get there.

Anyhow, I am starting to feel a little better. I still haven't left the house, but I was invited out tomorrow by a friend(no drinking), and I am forcing myself to go.

One more thing-- I know that if I make it the month and decide to go 90 days and then more-liking myself sober-- I understand that I need to be careful of being in places with lots of booze. I am going to see where I am at before I do any cruise.

And...

Again TY for your support. I seem to be living in this room this week

Sapling

Good move.

Sapling

Something about a barge from hell cruise just has a dangerous ring to it.

MetalChick

I know, right, but what else would they call a cruise full of metal bands and metal heads--LOL I know it sounds bad though!

Anyhow, it is a bit away, and it seems I am now on a one day at a time plan here, so I will see where I am at in a few months.

Some friends called tonight around 1am drunk as F**K, and I talked a bit, but I actually started to feel sick to my stomach-- not sure why, but it was a bad feeling, but I am glad I am safe at home.

Going to try to get some sleep, Nyt Sapling, and Ty for the support

MalkavianEmily

That was me. I don't think I ever saw a band sober before I went to Download this year. Could be why I don't remember any of them

I suspect that, if it's like Download was, the beer will be weak and overpriced. That makes it a lot easier to avoid... Anyway, if you go, I hope you have a good time and manage to stay sober. I wasn't sure that was possible a while back, but I've found out that yes, it is.

AndBochnovich

Keep up the work, happy trails.

VismundCygnus

I questioned if I had a problem a while back. Over Spring Break I quit drinkin the whole week and half. Celebrated like a champ when spring break was over. Point proven! I'm in control of my body...

Until yesterday when I woke up with the MTs and a left atrial abnormality. There is no downfall with alcoholism. It's 25 feet of fog and cliff that leads straight down. If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer... I can remember all the bulls--t excuses I would give to that question when I was young. Some people are like this, some people aren't. Best of luck in finding yourself.

"'I can stop anytime I want to' Famous last words that came back to haunt you"