Sarambul119

Hey everyone. My BF is 3 weeks into recovery, and he has now told me he needs "space" to figure out this sobriety thing on his own. I respect that, I even think it's a good idea, but it hurts more than I imagined. Any advice (I'm starting Alanon this week) on what I might expect in the weeks and months to come, or how I can best support him?? Right now this space means we aren't staying together anymore, but he still calls and texts me regularly. Should I cut that off?? Or just let him do this how he needs it? He says he loves me, but he needs to get himself better before he can move forward. Thanks.

zjw

I can only speculate that he feels your holding him back in some regard no idea if thats for real or not. Perhaps he drinks more when he's around you so its harder to say no to it. "need space" with no explanation stinks tho and sounds fishy he should be open as to why. Maybe he's protecting you. I can only speculate.

I know for me i started to become more aware of certain things. Things that I drank away i now had to face. Thats created tension. But for me i'd never ask for space or the like.

KatMitch

I think you need to let him do things how he thinks he needs to do them. He is being honest with you and telling you what he needs now. Let him have his space, but make it clear to him that you are there for him anytime he needs you. Make it clear that you love and support him and you just want him to get better. That's really all you can do at this point my dear. This has to be about him and not about you. He is probably going through an emotional roller coaster and thinks it is best to not let you see this side of him. Men handle things differently than women. We want someone to sit and hold our hand but men want to stand up on their own and be independent.
Don't pester him and don't shut him out. Wait for him to do what he needs to do.
And I hate to use the old adage....but If You Love Someone, Set Them Free.....
Good luck hon.

Hopeworks

Hi, welcome to SR.

You may want to take this question to the Friends and Family forum where you will get the advice of many who have walked miles in your mocassins.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

2granddaughters

Is your BF going to AA?

His AA sponsor will tell him what he should be doing......

Your Al-Anon sponsor will be telling you what you should be doing.

Neither one of you will like the direction you get but do it anyway. All the best.

Bob R