please, someone talk to me. take my mind off the pain.
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please, someone talk to me. take my mind off the pain.
hi everyone. I'm currently not able to make it to a meeting and feel in a really, REALLY bad way. I'm all alone and I don't have anyone to talk to, please...is there anyone out there who will talk to me, even for just a second?
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Hi Carol. Sorry, no, I'm not a believer. I've tried praying before, but I really find it doesn't help. Thanks for the suggestion though, I might try it later on if nothing else helps.
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Hey, Nostalgic, I'm here! I don't know how much help I can give as I'm an ACOA and family member of other alcoholics rather than having that particular problem myself, but I sure know enough from watching the disease, you are a million times better off not drinking...
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I've tried, but can't seem to get in touch for some reason. like i said, I'm completely alone at the moment. I'm not in danger of drinking, but...i feel so bad. just want someone to listen...please...
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I know you are being really smart going to AA meetings when you can. My grandmother, who has now passed on, and my godmother, both found sobriety at AA and stayed sober for decades. My godmother always says, "I thank my higher power every day I never have to go back to the hell on earth that drinking was for me."
She had it really bad, too, before AA. She was either screaming or crying the whole time she was awake, she had DT's when she detoxed, and her bottom was a really really low bottom. I remember she said sometimes she felt resentment at new members because their bottoms were not so deep and they didn't go through so much but then she'd remind herself that it was a good thing others found help sooner.
She had it really bad, too, before AA. She was either screaming or crying the whole time she was awake, she had DT's when she detoxed, and her bottom was a really really low bottom. I remember she said sometimes she felt resentment at new members because their bottoms were not so deep and they didn't go through so much but then she'd remind herself that it was a good thing others found help sooner.
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Hi guys, thanks all of you for coming. I'm gonna hang in there I promise, but things have been crazy for the past couple of weeks. No matter what I do, my life just seems to keep being turned upside down, more and more and more and more things just thrown in my path in an attempt to destroy me it seems. I don't like complaining, I really don't, but...it hurts.
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Nostalgic, if you can write down some of what's racing through your mind, I would like to hear. I'm on for a while... so even just describe the feelings if they're of the free-floating anxiety kind. We're here.
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I'm here, I am listening! We are listening!
Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired today? That's something to fix, if you are...do you have low blood sugar maybe, do you need a bit of sweets, like some tea with sugar in it maybe?
Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired today? That's something to fix, if you are...do you have low blood sugar maybe, do you need a bit of sweets, like some tea with sugar in it maybe?
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Oh, the anxiety! Yes, I have heard about that, when people become sober they are at first very very anxious and scared. It's all because the nervous system had gotten used to the depressive effects of the alcohol. When the alcohol goes away, the nervous system is overactive for a time (causing anxiety and fear and panic) but it does get better with time.
It could be that things just feel much more scary than they actually are, for the moment. Please tell yourself, it's just a feeling and it will pass. Tomorrow will be better!
It could be that things just feel much more scary than they actually are, for the moment. Please tell yourself, it's just a feeling and it will pass. Tomorrow will be better!
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Oh, and I remember my Godmother always saying, "Easy does it" and "One day at a time." Because even though I'm not a drinker, I'm still sick from being around alcoholism all my life so I had to recover too. I would worry about everything, certain everything was going to come crashing down on me, certain I would fail, certain things would never work out. But you know what? Things always did work out. Not always the way I hoped for, but they always did work out.
Even today I have to tell myself, just worry about today, let tomorrow take care of itself. You only have to live through this one day.
Even today I have to tell myself, just worry about today, let tomorrow take care of itself. You only have to live through this one day.
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I think Mark Twain (American author) said something once like, "I have seen a great many troubles in my life, most of which never happened." And you know when I look back on my life (I am 50 now) I can see 99% of what I was worried about, turned out not to be so bad in retrospect.
Everything will be okay. It might not go according to plan, but it will be okay.
Everything will be okay. It might not go according to plan, but it will be okay.
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Carol: My plan is to stay sober no matter what and to accomplish that through AA, which I started going to recently after a few setbacks convinced me of the need for outside help.
Samantha: OK, I'll give it a shot.
Basically, I'd not been feeling well recently, after a year's worth of sobriety (marred by a few one day relapses), so I went to the doctor to get checked up. To cut a long story short, he ran a battery of tests and all of them came back negative. Except for one...HIV...
just...blew me away. I must have acquired it during my dark years of drinking, where I wouldn't be as careful or wouldn't even remember whole stretches of time. I know I'm not going to die, but damn it, just damn it. I keep screwing up, all because of my desire to run away from the tragedies in my life instead of facing them head-on.
It looks like I'm set to fail university as well after trying to fit in two years of work into one (my second year was torn apart by my heavy drinking), instead of taking it easy. Because of the stress and poor living of that time as well, I've apparently triggered a rare form of psoriasis on my lips, which makes them hard, scabby, painful and nasty to look at...no cure for that apparently.
I just can't believe that two years ago, aside from binge-drinking every once in a while (never a normal drinker though), that I was a really healthy, happy and intact individual with a world ahead of me. I want to go back so badly, so, so badly. Just one chance to go over that time again and just not constantly screw up, throw away every opportunity I had and lose my way so badly. I wouldn't have become an alcoholic. I wouldn't have become a drug addict. I could stop my friends from taking their own lives, I wouldn't have lost more of them to car crashes. Perhaps not, but I know for a fact that I could have saved the love of my life though, she's gone because of me, because of my drinking.
I just don't know. It really does feel like in the game of life, I've lost, completely. I want to stop regretting the past, but I just don't know how. I miss it, and the people that are gone, so, so badly.
Samantha: OK, I'll give it a shot.
Basically, I'd not been feeling well recently, after a year's worth of sobriety (marred by a few one day relapses), so I went to the doctor to get checked up. To cut a long story short, he ran a battery of tests and all of them came back negative. Except for one...HIV...
just...blew me away. I must have acquired it during my dark years of drinking, where I wouldn't be as careful or wouldn't even remember whole stretches of time. I know I'm not going to die, but damn it, just damn it. I keep screwing up, all because of my desire to run away from the tragedies in my life instead of facing them head-on.
It looks like I'm set to fail university as well after trying to fit in two years of work into one (my second year was torn apart by my heavy drinking), instead of taking it easy. Because of the stress and poor living of that time as well, I've apparently triggered a rare form of psoriasis on my lips, which makes them hard, scabby, painful and nasty to look at...no cure for that apparently.
I just can't believe that two years ago, aside from binge-drinking every once in a while (never a normal drinker though), that I was a really healthy, happy and intact individual with a world ahead of me. I want to go back so badly, so, so badly. Just one chance to go over that time again and just not constantly screw up, throw away every opportunity I had and lose my way so badly. I wouldn't have become an alcoholic. I wouldn't have become a drug addict. I could stop my friends from taking their own lives, I wouldn't have lost more of them to car crashes. Perhaps not, but I know for a fact that I could have saved the love of my life though, she's gone because of me, because of my drinking.
I just don't know. It really does feel like in the game of life, I've lost, completely. I want to stop regretting the past, but I just don't know how. I miss it, and the people that are gone, so, so badly.
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It does hurt when you lose loved ones. I know. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my Mom.
It hurts too, to not be able to save others. My father and brother are drinking themselves to death and there is nothing I can do about it. But part of me will always think, if only I had said the right words I could have helped them...that is my codependency talking.
Right now you have the blues really badly because your brain is starting to recover from the alcohol. It's really, really hard.
But the only way out, is to go through this process and come out the other side. It won't hurt forever, you won't be blue forever. Your brain is just resetting itself now, like a computer that has restarted, and it feels bad. It feels like it will hurt like this forever.
Please believe us, when we tell you, it won't. It won't always hurt like this. This is just your brain healing. When you get better, you will find that your hope and optimism and good feelings will return.
Can you get through this part, knowing that you won't feel this badly, in time?
I had a total abdominal hysterectomy and oopherectomy last summer. I woke up afterwards in mind-blowing pain. The only thing that helped me was knowing that I would not feel that badly forever. And I did heal up, day after day. Each week was better than the one before.
So it will be with your body healing now. Your brain healing. It hurts very badly now as the repair starts. But tomorrow will be better.
I am sorry about the HIV diagnosis. I have had friends with that diagnosis and with medicine they have managed to live very well - seems they will live a normal lifespan. And I was just reading the other day about a breakthrough for this, a potential cure the scientists think. So there is much reason to remain hopeful about that circumstance.
It hurts too, to not be able to save others. My father and brother are drinking themselves to death and there is nothing I can do about it. But part of me will always think, if only I had said the right words I could have helped them...that is my codependency talking.
Right now you have the blues really badly because your brain is starting to recover from the alcohol. It's really, really hard.
But the only way out, is to go through this process and come out the other side. It won't hurt forever, you won't be blue forever. Your brain is just resetting itself now, like a computer that has restarted, and it feels bad. It feels like it will hurt like this forever.
Please believe us, when we tell you, it won't. It won't always hurt like this. This is just your brain healing. When you get better, you will find that your hope and optimism and good feelings will return.
Can you get through this part, knowing that you won't feel this badly, in time?
I had a total abdominal hysterectomy and oopherectomy last summer. I woke up afterwards in mind-blowing pain. The only thing that helped me was knowing that I would not feel that badly forever. And I did heal up, day after day. Each week was better than the one before.
So it will be with your body healing now. Your brain healing. It hurts very badly now as the repair starts. But tomorrow will be better.
I am sorry about the HIV diagnosis. I have had friends with that diagnosis and with medicine they have managed to live very well - seems they will live a normal lifespan. And I was just reading the other day about a breakthrough for this, a potential cure the scientists think. So there is much reason to remain hopeful about that circumstance.
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Also, I wish I hadn't signed up to a B.S. faux-rockstar mentality, where the aim was to get as drunk and high as possible all the time. I could have used the time at college to grow as an individual, but instead, I just destroyed literally all the advantages I had. I really could have been someone, but instead, I come out after three years, physically, mentally and emotionally broken and all my old friends (I saw them the other day and I think that's what triggered these feelings) are really moving on with their lives, wonderful, happy stable...and I've been left far behind. I always have, and it feels like I always will.
To be honest, a lot of the time, I just feel like a ghost, wandering in a present that seems harsh and cold, and with the brightness and warmth and hope and innocence of the fast a slowly-vanishing memory.
To be honest, a lot of the time, I just feel like a ghost, wandering in a present that seems harsh and cold, and with the brightness and warmth and hope and innocence of the fast a slowly-vanishing memory.
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You will be healthy and happy again. And you might not see it now, but you DO still have your whole life ahead of you. There will be joys in your life that you aren't able to even imagine, right now....please just hang in there today.
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Ah, now I understand why the name, Nostalgic. Longing for the past before things got so complicated. Wishing to go back. Wishing things aren't this way.
It's a fight that can't be won. And as annoying as it may sound, you have to put all that energy -- the energy you expend on wishing for a different past -- into the road ahead of you now. Much as we want it to be different, it is what it is.
The things you can do, you already know.
Don't drink or use.
Stay close to your doctors and stay close to God. HIV is not a death sentence. Please talk to doctors about why HIV doesn't mean AIDS and how you can approach this to have the best life possible.
Reconsider the blame you're putting on yourself for things that happened to others. In fact, let it go. You have no way of knowing how things might have been different "if only" because life isn't like that. You can only speculate, playing out "what if" scenarios -- but it sounds to me like you were just part of a much, much bigger picture, not cause and effect.
Keep coming here. I'm no expert and certainly you can take or leave anything I say, except for this: I do care what is going on with you! I only just "met" you and I sincerely feel for you. It sounds very, very hard. It also sounds like you can surrender to what is, and then go forward.
Hang in there.
It's a fight that can't be won. And as annoying as it may sound, you have to put all that energy -- the energy you expend on wishing for a different past -- into the road ahead of you now. Much as we want it to be different, it is what it is.
The things you can do, you already know.
Don't drink or use.
Stay close to your doctors and stay close to God. HIV is not a death sentence. Please talk to doctors about why HIV doesn't mean AIDS and how you can approach this to have the best life possible.
Reconsider the blame you're putting on yourself for things that happened to others. In fact, let it go. You have no way of knowing how things might have been different "if only" because life isn't like that. You can only speculate, playing out "what if" scenarios -- but it sounds to me like you were just part of a much, much bigger picture, not cause and effect.
Keep coming here. I'm no expert and certainly you can take or leave anything I say, except for this: I do care what is going on with you! I only just "met" you and I sincerely feel for you. It sounds very, very hard. It also sounds like you can surrender to what is, and then go forward.
Hang in there.
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