Nepsis1

Does anybody recognize this?

Whenever I get a few months of sobriety I get these scary feelings of not being "part of life" if I don't drink... of not being social, not being "all there", in short: not living life to the fullest.
This feeling causes so much tension and fear that in the end I just give in... knowing full well that it doesn't make me happy.

Any thoughts or advice on this?

awuh1

Define what "being part of life" is. If it's just being social then go to lots of AA meetings. If it means being with friends who drink, then it might be a problem.

Lockhart

That crossed my mind a few weeks ago. I'm coming up on my 90 days soon. The thing is I've kind of realized is that I can actually BE at those places where alcohol is being consumed and what not. I'm actually comfortable being around it cause I know I don't want any. The thing is if I did drink, I really wouldn't be living life to the fullest, it be going the opposite direction for me. I think a lot of people get scared to get sober because of this. That was pretty much my fear. But if I'm waking up with hangovers or what not and having my money drained for something like this, I'm not really maxing out. Truth is ever since I quit, I feel more capable of stuff. A lot of people here are going to tell you that sobriety is a new change, you'll have to change your friends, blah blah blah. It really depends where your sober life and your drunk life contradict. Some people have to swap em. But for some hardcore drinkers, finding drinking friends was really a way so their own drinking didn't seem unusual. I didn't have to change my friends. Some drink, but they've been really nice about not doing it in front of me ever since I told em I quit. I see them way more often now. What I HAVE to do is not sit and around and say..."Okay, I'm sober." That wasn't the point for me getting sober. I WANTED to do more with myself. So I just go and do it and subtract the booze out of the equation. If I sat around and played games all day, why get sober? The idea is you NEED to make the sobriety worth it. Exercise for me helps. Even if you aren't an exercise buff or planning to get ripped, the post high you get will help get your gears turning. It's momentum. Sobriety is a muscle you need to exercise on its own. Go out there and have fun. That's I mainly do, just with the knowledge I'm allergic to alcohol. But you know what I'm not allergic to? Boobs. But in all seriousness, being active in some way, in ANY way makes it worth while. I do this for two reasons. The first one is so I remind myself the what the whole point for sobriety was. The second is so if for any reason (which I never plan to do) I relapse. I can think all I did sober and look at my drunk life. It will give me positive reinforcement to throw the bottle off. Because if I don't put anything at stake, then the temptation may be that much more stronger.

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...

Hmm...I was thrilled to find a new
lifestyle with sober friends who shared my goal of recovery.....

No I don't miss the drinking or the other drunks either.
My AA life gives me purpose and joy.

Hope you find your way into lasting sobriety...

sugarbear1

I'm a little over a year. it's not very long compared to how long I drank. Give time time.

Gottalife

This sounds like the "hole in the donut" syndrome. "after a while he can't distinguish the true from the false. His alcoholic life seems the only normal one". I felt like this and I think it's part of the insanity. When drinking I had the most amazing imagination, I could think up all kinds of excuses for my behaviour. But for the first wee while in sobriety, my imagination deserted me. Perhaps it was away for an overhaul. In anycase I kept up the meetings and step work and fairly soon my imagination returned in a more sane form. Life took on new meaning just as promised and it will for you too. Hang in my friend, it will get better.

doggonecarl

You are taking a complex psychological matter, "living life to its fullest" and creating a simple construct, drinking, in order to grasp it. It is your addiction that is defining the construct. You need to define your own.

Go to your local animal shelter and volunteer to walk some dogs that have been caged for weeks. Observe their joy at the simplest of freedoms. You will gain a different perspective on living life.

SamanthaIam

Drinking is the very thing that blocks life for me...

I miss a lot by being drunk or sick or isolated by shame after drinking.

getting wasted with other people seems like everyone is just hiding out from "real" life, you know?