heathersweeds

I'm having an awful pity party today I'm having thoughts about my autistic son. Do I really sacrifice the rest of my life for my child? My beautiful little boy who doesn't communicate with words. How I love this kid that has major melt downs in public, and constantly "needs". Today I feel I can't take another day of this 12yr old toddler. I am questioning God, was this your plan? My life for his? I understand trying to live unselfishly, but I am stuck in the house or outside of my house all the time. There are things I can do as far as caretakers that a state service provides, but he will not stay with anyone he doesn't know. I get so annoyed with hearing people complain about how hard their life is when it's just sobriety for them. If they only knew how I would wake up to poop smeared all over the carpets and things destroyed and yes i'm venting and feeling bad for me, but I need to get this out. I stuff everything normally. An appearence of everything is ok is my norm. This burden is just too hard sometimes and I don't know if I'm being ungrateful or ave a valid point. Also, I'm a single mom with no childsupport. California(where the father is) says they take care of their own before another state. The constant noises he makes, unhappy noises, are unbearable anymore. I think how can a mother give up her own child? even think about it. Well I do think about it and hate myself even more. I know I need to find support groups for this. Hopefully I'll meet someone else with the same situation and in recovery because believe me, the other mothers in his class think totally different than me. Take the bull by the horns sota. I don't know, I had to vent. Thank you. Heather

Sapling

God Bless you Heather....I pray for strength for you. I believe nothing happens in God's world by mistake and I think you are a special person who is right where they are supposed to be.

CarolD

I don't have an answer HS....prayers for both of you going out.

heathersweeds

Thank you so much sapling! Boy, did I let loose and cry after your reply.It feels good to just have someone say this and not look into what I am doing wrong in my recovery. Nothing wrong with a good cry either hugs. I feel so much better!

Veritas1

I wonder if you could change some of the ways that you describe your life with your son.

You have a child with autism.

I hate the term autistic...like that's all they are.

I have a child with autism.

I promise if you stay sober and surround yourself with some strong women of AA that will help you raise your child...things will get much better.

We need to improve our reaction to life.

You can pm me anytime.

I would love to be there for you.

We are both on the same path.

I am sure we have children with challenges to teach US something about being patient, loving, kind, optimistic, and to have victory.

Be encouraged.

CraigA

God Bless you and your son, I am amazed at woman like you that can be there for a kid who will not be there himself, God Bless You! There is nothing wrong with venting it is actually healthy if you can find someone to listen and not be judgemental at nothing that you say and will support you! Nobody is perfect we all break down but some of us never know how it is to feel or to let go. All this is a process and it will be repeated, but that is ok because first you are sober, second you will find someone to connect with and third God Loves you and will be there to help hold you up at times like you hold up your kid! When and/or if you get a ten minute break take time and just be, be you because I don't know you but it sounds like you have a heart of gold!
I will pray for you and pray you have strength and love in your heart even if you don't know/feel it. God Bless you in your struggle!

aeo1313

I wish I had magic words to make it all better for you. My children do not have autism, but I work in special education in a high school and know what you are talking about- to a point- I go home at the end of my work day to a fairly calm house.

I know there is support out there for parents, but I also know it can be hard to find. As far as state hours in respite care have you asked any of your son's school teachers or paras/assistants if they are registered through the state or if they want to be...then your son would know his care provider and maybe you could get an hour to yourself. I have provided respite for some of my students this way.

(((HUGS)))

Ann

aeo1313

I wanted to add...please don't hate yourself for what you are feeling about your son. I have a feeling those are VERY common and normal feelings to have but most parents don't want to admit it. You are so very brave and your son is lucky to have a mother who cares so much about him.

Be gentle with yourself.

NewHouse2012

I am so sorry. My heart truly goes out to you. Stay strong. You are a true angel to that boy. It is so hard to take care of children and you situation seems so challenging. Just know that it is going to be ok. I wish you peace and serenity even if it is just for a few moments.

Dee74

I know for a fact there are support groups out there Heather - I hope you find one

Noone needs to deal with challenges like this on their own

D

neferkamichael

:ghug3

instant

You are an angel

sugarbear1

Sending love and light your way, heather

zjw

We all have our lot in life to accept and deal with. We could trade problems and i bet you'd want yours back. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence because theres more SH** over there. I dont always like the deck i was handed but its my deck. All this being said God only gives you what you can handle. Its natural and normal to have times where it can feel like its just too much. Thats why you have support. God gave you your autistic child because he knows YOU can handle it. While someone else may not be able too. Theres a good reason your blessed with an autistic child. You have to find that and focus on it.

nel68

Heather, ****{big hugs to you}} I think your son is lucky to have a wonderful caring loving mother♥ Sometimes when your feeling overwhelmed it is good to let it out, there is nothing wrong with that. I think its good to release those feelings, it is perfectly fine. I think you are a amazing person with a heart filled to the brim with love for her son. **{big hugs}} You always have us here to lean on.:ghug3

Impurrfect

((Heather)) - My cousins have a daughter who is severly autistic. She is in her 30's now. I believe they've had the same caretakers since N was very young.

N does better when she is around others who are more like her. Her mom went back to school to get a degree in social services, they did whatever they needed to do to declare their home a group home with thoughts of letting N and a couple other people live there with caretakers. However, they come up with numerous reasons why they haven't followed through.

My entire family loves N, but we see her mom and dad stretched with their jobs and taking care of her. I don't think what you're feeling is a bad thing at all. In fact, I'm glad you came here and posted. You're human, sweetie.

I have no answers but lots and lots of :ghug3 coming your way.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sunny27

Hi Heather

What a truly remarkable woman you are - even if you don't feel it, you are. I am so proud to know you through our time in chat.

I only wish I lived closer so that I could meet you and your son.

My mother has bipolar and growing up I was her carer. it has made me the person I am today and I am proud of who I am.

Noone has the right to judge you. I can only imagine how difficult things are on a daily basis and you are also doing this sober. I have only the utmost of repect for you.

You are anincredible woman and I imagine many women in similar situations would feel the way you do at times. It is tough, but I am truly in awe of you doing all this on your own.

You are an inspiration to me, lovely lady

Sunny xxxx

Opivotal

(((Heather))) I'm so happy you vented! You have tons of friends here that are more than happy to support you through life's challenges. I think you're an awesome Mom with a beautiful heart. Sometimes a "pity party" is just what the Doctor ordered. Releasing your feelings is good for the soul.

Sending prayers your way for strength and peace.

heathersweeds

Thank you all sooooo much! What beautiful support I have from here. I am blessed!! Hugs to all of you! I feel much better after sleep and glad to be sober. Even though I have 2yrs sober time, my AV really plays with me in this situation and I get weak at times. I love my little guy! I think I just don't realize how mentally tired I get even if I'm not working full time anymore. I used to work long hard shifts back to back(and drink)So I really wasn't there for Jeremie the first 10yrs of his life. Since my sobriety, and getting layed off, he has made some huge leaps of growth. This is what I have to focus on and it could be so much worse. When I go to his school, I see beautiful children with feeding tubes and child size walking equiptment. Thank you for understanding my weak point last night. I am usually much more accepting than this. I'm a home body anyway. I'm not into drama or going out much. I love movies and snacks, having freinds over for coffee, and my brother made a wonder world outside for Jeremie. How lucky am I really!!!

Opivotal

(( Heather))