Scary Sh** and calling in all reinforcements
Grateful AA member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Sam, I am pretty knew to sobriety and before I got sober I was in and out of impatient hospitals bc everytime I drank I became suicidal. I experienced all the feelings you are right now. I didnt want to hear about AA either because I felt out of place there. I am telling you the disease of alcoholism is planting these thoughts into your head. You are loved and cared about and if you dont feel it now you will find it in the rooms. Sometimes we perceive people are rejecting us and its up to us to speak to other members in the meetings and you may be surprised of the positive responses you get. Ask for a list of numbers and admit you are struggling and you need help. If you can, try different meetings I go to a ton if different meetings some I feel more comfortable at than others. I live in a cliquey town so some AAs are cliquish but many are not. In my experience the more I attended the meetings the more people spoke to me but you also have to reach out too. Many members of AA are more than happy to help those who are struggling it also keeps them sober.
I do believe your family would much prefer you get help and admit you have a probklem than kill yourself over the booze. In this situation you must put yourself first because you cannot be there for others while drinking. You can do this stay strong. We have all felt this way when we were drinking. It only gets worse. As many suggested get medical detox bc its very dangerous doing it alone.
God bless and I am here if you need to talk.
I do believe your family would much prefer you get help and admit you have a probklem than kill yourself over the booze. In this situation you must put yourself first because you cannot be there for others while drinking. You can do this stay strong. We have all felt this way when we were drinking. It only gets worse. As many suggested get medical detox bc its very dangerous doing it alone.
God bless and I am here if you need to talk.
Thanks, Inner. I feel like I'm on my way and have put together a couple of days without drinking. That feels good. Working through some of the predictable withdrawal symptoms fine -- the panic has calmed now so I can handle the physical part. The doctor I'm working with has me on some natural remedies and vitamins, but no drugs (pretty much at my insistence, so we found another way). Monitoring blood pressure because that spiked off and on over the weekend. So far so good, though I know I'm not out of the woods yet in terms of possible danger from making this transition. I hope I haven't ruined my health and that there's healing for the damage I'm done.
Best thing in the world is waking up and knowing that I didn't do shameful, stupid, embarrassing, hurtful, destructive things last night! Second best thing is knowing for sure I am not going to do those things tonight.
I appreciate you guys so much! I honestly wouldn't have gotten this far without you. I'd probably be down at the C-store right now getting some more poison if I didn't have all of you being so kind.
Katmitch, how are you doing?
Best thing in the world is waking up and knowing that I didn't do shameful, stupid, embarrassing, hurtful, destructive things last night! Second best thing is knowing for sure I am not going to do those things tonight.
I appreciate you guys so much! I honestly wouldn't have gotten this far without you. I'd probably be down at the C-store right now getting some more poison if I didn't have all of you being so kind.
Katmitch, how are you doing?
FIRST, oh no, KatMitch! What's going on? I'm so glad you posted... <hugs>
Me, I'm doing really well. I am proud of myself for getting it together. This is "real" Day 3 for me... I wavered/waffled/worried for a couple of days before stopping altogether. My last drink was on Saturday night, so I changed my sober date to 6-10-2012.
The panic and feelings of dread from those first couple of days have subsided (thank God).
Last night I was quite irritable, but the great thing is now I can feel that and just go, "aha, it's the alcohol withdrawal." INSTEAD OF taking those feelings seriously and picking a fight with someone.
The last 2 nights I've slept really well. Last night I had really wild dreams.
For me, the sleeping thing is one of the best things about not drinking. For the past several years or more, I think I didn't ever really sleep. I just drank until I passed out, which isn't the same as healthy sleep. Then I'd come to, and pretty much start drinking again. So no wonder I felt like I was going a bit crazy ... and yeah, doing that for years was making me into an out-of-control thinker/monster.
I know it's very early in the process for me, and having done this many times before, I know there are some tough days ahead, but just having a couple of days of relief from the insanity makes everything seem so much more manageable.
Last evening I was jonesing for a drink, or just kind of thinking about it ('cuz I was feeling better, so of course the alcoholic in me started to say "oh, goodie! now we can party!"), so I made a list of all the things I can do instead of drinking. It started like this:
-- Have a big glass of water
-- Read SR
-- Go for a walk
-- Go for a bike ride
-- Read
-- Play with the dogs
-- Call someone
etc etc etc It's quite a long list, but you get the idea.
I havent checked blood pressure yet today but I feel good.
How's everyone else? When I started this topic, I named it for calling in all the reinforcements for ME, but now I see this is really about how we are all reinforcements for each other. I care about all of you! I am so so so grateful for your help.
Me, I'm doing really well. I am proud of myself for getting it together. This is "real" Day 3 for me... I wavered/waffled/worried for a couple of days before stopping altogether. My last drink was on Saturday night, so I changed my sober date to 6-10-2012.
The panic and feelings of dread from those first couple of days have subsided (thank God).
Last night I was quite irritable, but the great thing is now I can feel that and just go, "aha, it's the alcohol withdrawal." INSTEAD OF taking those feelings seriously and picking a fight with someone.
The last 2 nights I've slept really well. Last night I had really wild dreams.
For me, the sleeping thing is one of the best things about not drinking. For the past several years or more, I think I didn't ever really sleep. I just drank until I passed out, which isn't the same as healthy sleep. Then I'd come to, and pretty much start drinking again. So no wonder I felt like I was going a bit crazy ... and yeah, doing that for years was making me into an out-of-control thinker/monster.
I know it's very early in the process for me, and having done this many times before, I know there are some tough days ahead, but just having a couple of days of relief from the insanity makes everything seem so much more manageable.
Last evening I was jonesing for a drink, or just kind of thinking about it ('cuz I was feeling better, so of course the alcoholic in me started to say "oh, goodie! now we can party!"), so I made a list of all the things I can do instead of drinking. It started like this:
-- Have a big glass of water
-- Read SR
-- Go for a walk
-- Go for a bike ride
-- Read
-- Play with the dogs
-- Call someone
etc etc etc It's quite a long list, but you get the idea.
I havent checked blood pressure yet today but I feel good.
How's everyone else? When I started this topic, I named it for calling in all the reinforcements for ME, but now I see this is really about how we are all reinforcements for each other. I care about all of you! I am so so so grateful for your help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I do drink this great tea in the evening after dinner...it's called Tekanne? Relaxing tea, has a great honey flavor.
I was the same way with poor sleep for YEARS, i would be lucky if i got 4 hours a night. I think the wild dreams are fairly common and will subside. for years i did not dream at all. the poor brain is getting real rest and may need some time to adjust.
real restful sleep makes all the difference and one of the best perks of sobriety for me.
I was the same way with poor sleep for YEARS, i would be lucky if i got 4 hours a night. I think the wild dreams are fairly common and will subside. for years i did not dream at all. the poor brain is getting real rest and may need some time to adjust.
real restful sleep makes all the difference and one of the best perks of sobriety for me.
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