Scary Sh** and calling in all reinforcements
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Sam,
As I read your story at the start of the thread I was taken by the similarities of our lives, aside from our gender differences and a few minor points you are where I was 13 years ago. I was sitting on a diving board in my backyard drinking Canadian Club, as always and evaluating my life insurance, my assets and what I was going to miss about my children's futures. I was prepared to die.
I had been to AA five years before, didn't care for it and quite honestly didn't want to stop drinking all that badly. This time it was life or death. (Fast forward.)
I quit that night on Oct 15th 1999. Went to AA the next day, still didn't like it all that much, but after about 60 days and about 60 meetings it hit me, "I DON'T HAVE TO DRINK ANYMORE! Not CAN'T drink but don't have to. I quit using my pride to shield me from the cold hard facts that with me it was drink and die or stop and live. I still attend a meeting now and then, very seldom, but enough to keep friendships alive and listen to what it used to be like for me.
The one thing that I had to get through my lizard brain was that I WAS NOT UNIQUE, my problems, drinking habits; monetary problems were really just the garden variety. I WAS A GARDEN VARIETY DRUNK! That offended my need to be special and have all sorts of special reasons to keep drinking.
Sam, when all the wonderful advice is sifted through and all the self-help books are closed it comes down to do you want to live or die. Quit indulging yourself in the excuses. Go ahead and tell them to everyone else, but when you are alone in front of the mirror tell yourself the truth. You deserve that much and I will assure you that if you want to stop you can. It isn't fun; it is sometimes humiliating if you let it be. We are the only ones who can actually humiliate ourselves. Stopping drinking isn't nearly as dignified as wrapping empty bottles in newspaper so the trash men and neighbors can't see them. Guess what, they don't give a fat rat's behind about your or my empties.
I will be happy to swap tales with you on the private messages if you want. The point is, AA helped me get sober. I had to do it myself, but not alone.
You deserve the best your life has to offer, but NOBODY is going to give it to you. You better reach out and grab it, stop making excuses to yourself, just decide if you want a better life or not. If you do then get up and grab it with both hands and you won't have an extra to open a bottle with!
Best wishes and all my support,
Jon
As I read your story at the start of the thread I was taken by the similarities of our lives, aside from our gender differences and a few minor points you are where I was 13 years ago. I was sitting on a diving board in my backyard drinking Canadian Club, as always and evaluating my life insurance, my assets and what I was going to miss about my children's futures. I was prepared to die.
I had been to AA five years before, didn't care for it and quite honestly didn't want to stop drinking all that badly. This time it was life or death. (Fast forward.)
I quit that night on Oct 15th 1999. Went to AA the next day, still didn't like it all that much, but after about 60 days and about 60 meetings it hit me, "I DON'T HAVE TO DRINK ANYMORE! Not CAN'T drink but don't have to. I quit using my pride to shield me from the cold hard facts that with me it was drink and die or stop and live. I still attend a meeting now and then, very seldom, but enough to keep friendships alive and listen to what it used to be like for me.
The one thing that I had to get through my lizard brain was that I WAS NOT UNIQUE, my problems, drinking habits; monetary problems were really just the garden variety. I WAS A GARDEN VARIETY DRUNK! That offended my need to be special and have all sorts of special reasons to keep drinking.
Sam, when all the wonderful advice is sifted through and all the self-help books are closed it comes down to do you want to live or die. Quit indulging yourself in the excuses. Go ahead and tell them to everyone else, but when you are alone in front of the mirror tell yourself the truth. You deserve that much and I will assure you that if you want to stop you can. It isn't fun; it is sometimes humiliating if you let it be. We are the only ones who can actually humiliate ourselves. Stopping drinking isn't nearly as dignified as wrapping empty bottles in newspaper so the trash men and neighbors can't see them. Guess what, they don't give a fat rat's behind about your or my empties.
I will be happy to swap tales with you on the private messages if you want. The point is, AA helped me get sober. I had to do it myself, but not alone.
You deserve the best your life has to offer, but NOBODY is going to give it to you. You better reach out and grab it, stop making excuses to yourself, just decide if you want a better life or not. If you do then get up and grab it with both hands and you won't have an extra to open a bottle with!
Best wishes and all my support,
Jon
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Dear Sam I am, I hid my bottles too. Wrapped them up and drove them to an inconspicuous trashcan. It's the weight of the world off of my shoulders now. Please accept whatever help anyone is offering. It's not a stupid thing. It's an important thing. Your family is offering support, take it. You can make it up to them someday. For now, get well. You can have a do-over. Love and hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Sam)) - You can go to any ER. Be honest about how much you normally drink and how long it's been since your last drink. They will most likely not only treat you, but give you a reference of a dr. to follow up with.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
if you go to the ER and be honest with them, they will help. i am sure they can get you into a detox or rehab, if you are up for that and willing. dont be afraid to ask them about that.
prayers yer way from all of us!! we want to see you get weller!
prayers yer way from all of us!! we want to see you get weller!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i know you said you live in a rural area. you have volunteered at a shelter, so maybe they will have a doctor they could refer you to. itf you need to use the ER and ask them for a doctor who might be able to see you to get started on a healthy path.
Feeling lots better today.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 27
Hi Sam,
I am a wine drinking alcoholic too. I have been there and done what you are doing. I hide my wine in a dark glass...always. I hide the empty bottles in the trash wrapped up in other bags...like nobody knows. I buy at different stores so the people working there don't know. I haven't quit yet, but know that I need to make up my mind pretty damn quick.
I want you to know that SR is a pretty awesome place to talk to people that GET IT. People that care, and people that have done what we know we need to do.
Let's let their experiences help us and guide us. They have done the work and are willing to share such personal stories in order to help others.
I hope you are doing better today.
I am a wine drinking alcoholic too. I have been there and done what you are doing. I hide my wine in a dark glass...always. I hide the empty bottles in the trash wrapped up in other bags...like nobody knows. I buy at different stores so the people working there don't know. I haven't quit yet, but know that I need to make up my mind pretty damn quick.
I want you to know that SR is a pretty awesome place to talk to people that GET IT. People that care, and people that have done what we know we need to do.
Let's let their experiences help us and guide us. They have done the work and are willing to share such personal stories in order to help others.
I hope you are doing better today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Yeah i'll never for get they day the liquor store worker looked at the name on my debit card smiled and said I know who you are our old mans are good friends rarararara. I thought *gulp* gonna have to find a new shop cant let this guy know how much i drink it'll be all over town and my dad will know too even.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Eastern, PA
Posts: 112
Originally Posted by Fandy 
i don't think you've been argumentive at all....it's a discussion with many suggestions, options and offering to share our experiences.
You're NOT being argumentative. Your're merely being honest about your struggle. And it seems as though you're getting some good support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 202
I know how you feel. Last year I had my last drunk of 4 days, I was straight binge drinking all day all nite for non stop. I kept buying more and more and more alcohol. Day 3 my body was starting to show signs of weakening and I was too afraid to go to sleep because I swear to this very day that my heart would miss a beat or two and when I started to fall asleep I'd jump out of bed gasping for air and then my heart rate sky rocketed so I stayed up and figured the best medicine was to drink more, I had several 26ers in my room still full so I downed them was hammered within one drink again and spent the whole time slipping and falling in my room. When I finally sobered up knowing I was running out of cash to buy alcohol the withdrawals started and I was in torment. Your black mug was my water bottle filled with vodka that looked like water so I could hold onto sanity (in my sick head) and sip on vodka as I headed over to the liquor store that was a 10 minute walk from my house.
The last night of drinking I gave up because drinking was starting to hurt my insides. Thats when the puking session started. I was sick all day long non stop even when there was nothing left to give. I tried to drink water and that came up and right out again within a few minutes. I felt like I was dying and begged for another chance.
you're not alone, alot of us go through this. Thank you for your story, it reminds me why I am thankful to be almost 10 months sober now. A long time in which it's been about 7 years where I was ever sober this long. 7 years ago I would have started drinking heavily up till now in 2 months time and haven't been sobered long since. Stay Strong.
The last night of drinking I gave up because drinking was starting to hurt my insides. Thats when the puking session started. I was sick all day long non stop even when there was nothing left to give. I tried to drink water and that came up and right out again within a few minutes. I felt like I was dying and begged for another chance.
you're not alone, alot of us go through this. Thank you for your story, it reminds me why I am thankful to be almost 10 months sober now. A long time in which it's been about 7 years where I was ever sober this long. 7 years ago I would have started drinking heavily up till now in 2 months time and haven't been sobered long since. Stay Strong.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
