Am I or Aren't I ...............
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Chester
Posts: 2
Am I or Aren't I ...............
Thanks for messages. It's the middle of the night here and I can't sleep. Drinking has always been an acceptable form of anesthetic in my life - a logic handed down by family! Even my grandmother owned a freehouse in Scotland!! I was first initiated into the realm of drink by my mother at the age of 15 however I didn't really start drinking heavily till I met my first husband and that was the start of the long downfall. The reason I left him was because he WAS an alcoholic but refused to get help - I went to doctors and other societies but he wouldn't come with me. I finally gave up after 26 years.
I am now married to a man who constantly worries about my drinking (which is nothing like it used to be) and I am beginning to realise after 7 years he actually does have a point. I manage to get to halfway through the week and I have to have a drink. It used to be strong cider (cos I liked it!) - it got me there quicker!! I was told the smell was revolting and that trying to talk to me when I was drinking the stuff was impossible. He hated the way I became - it wasn't the woman he knew. He persuaded me to change to something else which I did and that's when I really began to accept I DO have a problem. Because even though what I drink is now more acceptable for a woman in my husband's eyes, I still need to have at least 2 days a week when I drink myself into oblivion and now it's more expensive!!
I haven't told my husband what I'm doing - I'm hoping that as each day/week/month/year goes by he will notice that I've changed - that I don't have a problem anymore - that I'm really trying to get better.
Am I doing the right thing by not telling him? He was brought up the 'normal' way (at least I believe it is now!!) and I was brought up that drink was an enjoyable part of life - if you had a problem "a drink would make it easier for you; you could solve the real problem later, have a drink and get over it". I'm frightened that if I tell my husband and fail he will look down on me and to be quite honest I think I've changed his thinking quite a lot. I think I've made him feel a freak because his attitudes are different to mine.
I just want to find the strength for everyone to be proud of me again.:cries2:
I am now married to a man who constantly worries about my drinking (which is nothing like it used to be) and I am beginning to realise after 7 years he actually does have a point. I manage to get to halfway through the week and I have to have a drink. It used to be strong cider (cos I liked it!) - it got me there quicker!! I was told the smell was revolting and that trying to talk to me when I was drinking the stuff was impossible. He hated the way I became - it wasn't the woman he knew. He persuaded me to change to something else which I did and that's when I really began to accept I DO have a problem. Because even though what I drink is now more acceptable for a woman in my husband's eyes, I still need to have at least 2 days a week when I drink myself into oblivion and now it's more expensive!!
I haven't told my husband what I'm doing - I'm hoping that as each day/week/month/year goes by he will notice that I've changed - that I don't have a problem anymore - that I'm really trying to get better.
Am I doing the right thing by not telling him? He was brought up the 'normal' way (at least I believe it is now!!) and I was brought up that drink was an enjoyable part of life - if you had a problem "a drink would make it easier for you; you could solve the real problem later, have a drink and get over it". I'm frightened that if I tell my husband and fail he will look down on me and to be quite honest I think I've changed his thinking quite a lot. I think I've made him feel a freak because his attitudes are different to mine.
I just want to find the strength for everyone to be proud of me again.:cries2:
Last edited by brokenmould; 01-02-2004 at 10:08 PM.
Hello! Is this seat taken??
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: A Denver far far away...
Posts: 92
there's nothing to be ashamed of when you're completely honest. and yes, if it comes down to "I need a drink to function" - that's the alchoholic thinking. no - you don't have to feel like this again, and yes, if you admit it here you can admit it there. If you truly want to stop, and regain the trust of your spouse, go to a meeting and talk with another woman in recovery. you may find yourself comparing stories!
the getting over it part is still a major part of recovery - it's the learning how to do it without a drink that can become interesting. check out a meeting and let us know!
pad
the getting over it part is still a major part of recovery - it's the learning how to do it without a drink that can become interesting. check out a meeting and let us know!
pad
Hello! Is this seat taken??
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: A Denver far far away...
Posts: 92
left you a message - but wanted to post here too just in case - check out http://www.aa-uk.org.uk/ and look up your area and see if there's a meeting close to you. call the nearest one if not and ask (sometimes there are others that aren't listed yet in the directory).
good luck and we'll pray for you!
pad
good luck and we'll pray for you!
pad
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
AA teaches us to "Let go of old ideas".
One tired old idea I had was that somehow a drink would help me relax and put me in a better frame of mind to deal with my problems.
Although this may be the dubious luxury of non alcoholic people it usually spells disaster for those predisposed to alcoholism.
AA will help you to dispell some of those myths and disinformation you have about alcohol.
Switching drinks is not a soloution to our drinking problem.
Perhaps it would be a good idea if you let your husband know about your drinking habits.He may be able to provide a world of support for you when you finally decide to do something about your problem.
One tired old idea I had was that somehow a drink would help me relax and put me in a better frame of mind to deal with my problems.
Although this may be the dubious luxury of non alcoholic people it usually spells disaster for those predisposed to alcoholism.
AA will help you to dispell some of those myths and disinformation you have about alcohol.
Switching drinks is not a soloution to our drinking problem.
Perhaps it would be a good idea if you let your husband know about your drinking habits.He may be able to provide a world of support for you when you finally decide to do something about your problem.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Welcome brokenmould!
You will find this to be a great wealth of support and information. There are many here in recovery and seeking recovery. Each of us has to find our own path and find the solution that will work. AA has changd and saved my live, but there are many wonderful resources of information to consider.
I suggest the AA Big Book, and "Under the Influence" as two wonderful sources to begin with. The AA BB explains how it works and what similar people like you and myself have gone through to get to a turning point in our lives. The book "Under the Influence" explains they physiological aspects of alcoholism and is wonderful in that it provides relief and gives us understanding of why our bodies react to alcohol the way it does unlike "normal" people.
I know I didn't explain or tell my husband in the begining stages of my recovery either. I didn't want to disappoint him yet again. But after a few weeks he figured it out and has been my number one supporter to this road of sobriety I have fully committed to. I wish you well.
You will find this to be a great wealth of support and information. There are many here in recovery and seeking recovery. Each of us has to find our own path and find the solution that will work. AA has changd and saved my live, but there are many wonderful resources of information to consider.
I suggest the AA Big Book, and "Under the Influence" as two wonderful sources to begin with. The AA BB explains how it works and what similar people like you and myself have gone through to get to a turning point in our lives. The book "Under the Influence" explains they physiological aspects of alcoholism and is wonderful in that it provides relief and gives us understanding of why our bodies react to alcohol the way it does unlike "normal" people.
I know I didn't explain or tell my husband in the begining stages of my recovery either. I didn't want to disappoint him yet again. But after a few weeks he figured it out and has been my number one supporter to this road of sobriety I have fully committed to. I wish you well.
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