NewHouse2012

Kinda melted down today, with tears, wanted a drink more than ever! Was hungry tired and angry-yes HALT!!! Hubby is still drinking around me and reeks. Got in car and drove near a beginners meeting but saw a bunch of strange dudes out in front smoking and couldnt even get out of car. Want to stick to womens only groups-my schedule is all over the place so sometimes its hard to find a group that works well. Will this ever get better? I am usually pretty optimistic. This really kinda sucks sitting in these feelings with no way out. I cant go back though because I have gone this far. Just feel on edge, in a haze and crazy all the time. Never really have felt this way-at least you know a hang over will go away but with reality it is just there, staring you in the face. If I could, I would sleep all the time, but too much going on to sleep. I do look forward to it every night though. Sorry rambling, just wanted to put my feelings out there.

tomsteve

yes, it will get better if you decide you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
if yer like me, i had no clue what them folks had, but the chapter" a vision for you" sure sounded good to me!
dont give up 5 seconds befor the miracle!

got sponsor?? got phone numbers???? and how bout a higher power?

Gottalife

It will get better NH, just as Tom says. I remember similar feelings, it was uncomfortable, even painful at times, but it was so important to feel them. My sponsor had a saying, through adversity we grow, and I suspect you have a lot of growth going on at the moment. For me part of growth was learning about these feelings, what they were, where they came from, and how to handle them. Feelings were a new experience for me. At the start I wouldn't have known an honest feeling if I fell over one. I really hated it when someone would ask "how are you feeling" becasue I didn't yet know enough to explain or understand.

I have seen quite a few folks come to AA, pretty raw emotionally like you and me, and they seem to do OK. I see others who manage, with their doctor's help, to avoid feeling anything much and they don't seem to stay. Perhaps the pain is what motivates us to make the changes we need to make.

I have a feeling you are going to do well. i just restate Toms advice, sponsor, phone contact and prayer are what will help you through.

thisisme

The courage required to walk into an AA meeting is enormous.
I can tell you this, the rewards are even greater.
Courage....you will never regret the encounter.

zjw

Yeah I flipped out on an old friend today. I have very little patience he did me wrong i let it carry on for a while with an unspoken word to see if he would correct hisbehavior. He did not so I flipped. and I dont care if i ever speak to him again. I cant say that this was the best course of action. BUT prior to me quiting i would have tolerated his nonsense and let it get me down and frustrated and would have drank to ease that pain. I'm curious how this will feel. Having to contend with feelings and emotions is really hard. Ive bee utilizing some sort of substance since i was 14 and drunk daily for the past 15 years been sober 1 year. I feel like i never even learned how to be a normal functioning individual sometimes.

Believe me today 1 year in is sooooooooooo much easier then 365 days ago but wow it can still be hard.

CarolD

NH....

I so admire people like you who manage to quit despite living with a
drinking spouse.

When I was dealing with my young adults various addictions...I did use Alanon for myself and it was very useful.
Tho they were no longer in my home....and my drinking was not yet a
problem....I still found it difficult as a concerened Mom.

.

NewHouse2012

Thank you for your responses. This is getting harder than ever. I'm getting some feedback from my family that my hubby probably wants to see me fail. That really sucks that he would feel this way and every time I see him drinking around me I just want to drink too. I think I will look up a alanon meeting.

I have to get serious about the AA. Every time I don't go to meeting, the closer I am to picking up a damn drink! I've only been to one meeting though.

Sapling

One thing I learned early on...When I didn't want to go to a meeting...That was the one I had to be at.

tomsteve

I have to get serious about the AA. Every time I don't go to meeting, the closer I am to picking up a damn drink! I've only been to one meeting though.

well, there's progress already! you see the problem and you see the solution! now to get into action.
dont give up 5 seconds before the miracle happens!

SamanthaIam

Hey NewHouse, I've read your other posts here in support of me, and I appreciate you so much!

I just wanted to say that I also have a completely UNsupportive spouse, and I know we/I have to do this regardless. Listen... I have a severe peanut allegy, I'm one of those freaks who goes into full on, life-threatening anaphalactic shock if I eat peanuts, and yet my husband (mocking? hoping? attempting?) offers me peanut butter crackers almost daily.

That is sick! Right?

But it's just like someone offering you a drink.

Similar, though not the same, is a spouse who drinks in front of you and doesn't respect your boundaries.

Look, I am the WORST at this, because --hey -- look at my life. I'm actually not giving advice or telling you what to do, I'm just saying I totally get what you're saying and I am here if you want to talk about it.

zjw

"This is getting harder than ever. I'm getting some feedback from my family that my hubby probably wants to see me fail. That really sucks that he would feel this way and every time I see him drinking around me I just want to drink too."

Now is not the time to worry about him and his drinking and what he thinks. Now is the time for you to be /selfish/ and worry about you and your NOT drinking. It is going to take all your focus on YOU in order for YOU to beat it. I hope that makes sense.

Its difficult I bet you got a HUGE list of reasons and excuses to drink we all do. Its sunny its rainy its monday its tues oh boy oh boy theres always good time to drink.

You have to reach deep put that out of your head. Worry about YOU not drinking. If you worry about him it will bring other feelings anger resentment etc.. those are the feelings that generaly cause you to turn to a drink. Dont let it go that far into those feelings even let alone the next step reacing for the bottle.