Uninvited

I just went to another AA meeting tonight and it was a good experience. I forced myself to talk to the person next to me and that turned out to be fun. And somehow I got chosen to read The 12 Promises.

But what really bothers me about AA is how so many people with years and years of sobriety, talk about how at one time in their life they stopped going to frequent AA meetings, and they "got off the path", and their world either did or almost came crashing down again. I would expect if you have 15 years of sobriety under your belt you wouldn't need to be going to daily AA meetings, so these types of comments alarm me.

Is this really true? It's a constant battle that never gets better and you need to rely on daily meetings forever?

scrambled2012

Everybody is different. For some folks AA doesn't work at all. For others, in order to quit at first, they go to 90 meetings in 90 days, then they go as often as they used to drink (that would be once a day for me if I were going). Depending on how life develops for the person, some folks end up going weekly or even monthly.

The thing of importance it seems is in staying grounded in the desire to stop drinking forever. If a person has support in terms of a fellowship like AA, it may be easier to do this. Also, progress through the 12 steps of course.

Folks who know more about AA can tell ya more then me on this, but the short answer is no, you don't have to go every day forever unless you want to~~~~!

sugarbear1

Why not pull them aside before or after a meeting and talk directly with them to find out what they mean?

Veritas1

Maybe what they mean is losing contact with other members is when they had trouble.

One alcoholic talking to another alcoholic for the sole purpose of recovery is helpful for us.

CarolD

Hmm...
I've been sober for 23 years....during that time...my meeting
patterns have varied due to job situations and now due to
physical limitations.

For the first 18 or so months I did go daily...before work and
on weekends. I thought of meetings like classrooms for learning
how to live sober and enjoy it...
The more often I went..the quicker I learned.

An added plus.....new sober friends...we had a blast outside of meetings.

These days I go 2 or 3 times a week..it's a routine that keeps me
growing spiritually and with gratitude....

I'll never drink again and I'll never quit going to meetings
Living in the Steps is fantastic ...

soberlicious

Personally, I am not sober w/conditions. If my abstinence is dependent on conditions, then it is subject to change. I do not remain sober as long as I do xyz...I remain sober despite whether I do xyz. Certainly I strive to be a better person, to grow, to learn, to stay connected to others, but if I don't do those things...I'm not going to drink. I am comfortable with never.

I think fellowship is great. I think support is great. I also think it's dangerous to fully depend on either. Over-dependence can create self-doubt and fear for some people. I'm not sure it's always in the best interest of an addicted person to be fearful. Addiction loves fear. It keeps it alive.

Deserto

i don't think you need to rely on daily meetings, though some do and that's fine.

I think the broader point is that when you stop doing something daily to reinforce your sobriety -- whatever that is -- that's when trouble starts to brew.

davaidavai

I've been going to AA 2 months after 4 months of confidently yet miserably 'battling' alone and 1 month of regular binging. I am transiting from feeling of battling something to feeling like I am discovering something; from a feeling of giving something up to a feeling of gaining the real experience I always saught in the wrong places. I think a meaningful analogy might be a no BS philosophical, spiritual gathering. You keep going because as a human being you recognize the importance of constant growth, of gathering, of communicating in a real way. And so it becomes less about arriving, a cessation of suffering, and more about the journey, about what we learn through being human. Although, when I've heard this topic mentioned as you say, it's usually not phrased in terms of daily meetings, but of giving it up for long periods. For me, this idea of 'constant battle' you mention sounds really bleak. But I think it illustrates how alien the simple idea of gathering in a group of men and woman to discuss meaningful common matters has become. At first glance, it does seem like an unbelievable pain in the a**. Go to meetings for years? Where's the 'cure'?

miamifella

The people who found not going to meetings was a bad thing came back and told you about it. The people who were able to go less frequently (or not at all) were not there to tell you.

After a time, people do attend meetings less as other obligations enter their life in sobriety. Many will continue to attend a few times a month or year. But when they need extra support, they can always attend more meetings.

Mark75

Hmm... if one's sobriety is dependent on making meetings and they stop making meetings...

Well... I am being a little obtuse there. But my point is that it is the program of AA reliably keeps people sober, regardless of meeting attendance... if their program is strong.

I don't go to meetings all the time, about twice a week... I haven't been to many this month... and that's cool because I have been doing some awesome things... Daughter's college graduation weekend with family, boy scout weekends, memorial day weekend camping with family and friends...

But I always do a few simple things throughout the day that are not a chore or difficult... they enhance my days... prayer, really... inventory when necessary... meditation... taking care of myself and others. I am looking forward to going to meetings this week and weekend... I like them. And most importantly they support the program and that happens best when I support the program... by being there when I can.

2granddaughters

The Big Book of AA describes our treatment as "a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of our spiritual condition".
I have almost 23 yrs sobriety and I find no fault with the Big Book's statement.

All the best.

Bob R

BB quote-First Edition

Ranger

+1

Astute observation!

Taking5

Of course, you will NEVER hear from those that stopped going to AA meetings, you will by definition only hear from those that believe you must keep going to AA.

I personally know several sober people who don't go to that many meetings anymore.

Nevertheless

I went steady to AA for 9 months. But I have only gone back to get my coin each year. There has to be people there to keep the lights on. If it were only newcomers,it just wouldn't work. The reason I don't go back,is I didn't exactly follow the program. Don't get me wrong,I wouldn't be sober right now if it weren't for AA. But for me to keep going would almost in a way make me a hypocrite. Because if someone were to ask me to be a sponsor,I would have to turn them down or lie and pretend. I'm afraid i would set a bad example.
Are there people like me,that keep going and pretending? I think there are. But some make it a way of life. It's our own choice.
Someone on this forum once said "If we fret about yesterday,and worry about tomorrow. We are peeing on today." Which applies to worrying about having to go to AA meetings for the rest of our lives
But we can't ever forget we are just 1 drink away from the way things were.
Fred

tomsteve

there are many different reasons why some attend daily meetings even after a long time in recovery. some are sicker than others. some because that is their social time. some do it because helping others is their main purpose in life now( and i'm greatful they are doing that rather than drinking and putting other lives in danger).

i was very blessed that there was a detox in town when i got into recovery. the clients were brought to the meetings. 3 things i heard quite often of poeple that had went back out:
1) i stopped going to meetings
2) i stopped talking to my sponsor and others in recovery
3) i stopped praying to my higher power.

DayTrader

One of the underlying principles of the program (and a big chunk of the 12th step) is passing on to others what you've learned. Turning in my old life for a new one. A life lived differently......with the needs of others superseding my own wants for myself.....that's the deal. The times I've put MY wants first and chucked you and what you need to the curb......I've suffered.

Now, if meetings are where I go to work with and help all the "yous" out there, then I need to be at meetings. Like Mark said, for some ppl their sobriety is hanging on by the sheer volume of meetings they go to. That hasn't been sufficient nor rewarding enough for me. I mean, I like meetings (mostly) but that's not like THE core of my recovery. All I can say to someone who shares a story about not keeping up a ton of meetings and getting ill is to recognize that I don't want to be in that position myself so I better find some real sold RECOVERY here in AA so I don't have to artificially bolster it up with a gazillion meetings every month.

Gottalife

Whether or not you end up in that boat depends on what you do today.

I see the same thing and it makes me cringe when I see someone with many years up, fall apart when they miss a few meetings. What's with that?
I can only refer to the Big Book where it tells me I am beyond human aid, and meetings are human aid are they not? The Book tells me to take the steps in order to have the spiritual experience which is essential to recover from alcoholism. It's main purpose is to put me in contact with a power greater than myself which will solve my problem.

And that is exactly how it has worked for me. My pattern for meetings was, early sobriety, total immersion, single career years, one or two a week, Early family years say 4 a year, present time 3 or 4 a week - time to give back. If I thought I would become meeting dependent for life, I wouldn't bother. It would be like swapping one addiction for another.

Provided I stay in fit spiritual condition, live the steps, help others when ever I can, my life is great. Meetings aren't a factor in my continuing sobriety, but they are an opportunity for me to give back, to find people to help, and to let newcomers know that AA has a great program that works long term, provided you are willing to do what it takes, starting today

BB quoteds_First Edition .

FBL

My dad got sober with the help of AA. He went to regular meetings for about 7 years, then he stopped going. He's now been happily sober for 29 years.

GridLock99

I haven't done a meeting in around 3 years. Around a year ago I bought a bottle of whiskey; drank half of it (over the space of a few months); then poured the rest of it down the sink. Haven't had, or wanted a drink since. 12 step isn't the be all & end all; nor the only way that people get & stay sober.

CarolD

I ran into an AA member this morning at a doctors office.
Mary has remained sober for 10 years...about a year ago...she

fell hard for another alcoholic with 5 years in program.
Moved him into her home...he quickly began drinking...resulting in job loss.
They both gave up meetings and service opportinityes
She buys the booze.."I can limit it that way" .

Today she said she was embarrassed ..thought others too judgemental about
her "true soul mate" ..it "is my last chance for romance"

*sigh* there you have another possible reason people with
sober time often return to alcohol...and slide away from AA.

Hopew both soon get back to basics..and that she will not
join him on this destructive journey...