TSDD

I personally put together a year and stopped going to meetings. I didn't become an emotional basket case, a jerk at work, get road rage, kick my dog.... I just talked myself into a drink (which went so well I talked myself into two a couple days later.....you see where this is going?)

Anyway, I certainly don't know if I have to keep attending to stay sober, but the preponderance of the evidence I have seen would say that for ME I do. I also feel that the consequences of my drinking are so severe that 10 or 12 hours a week invested is a fair price to pay for "insurance" against returning to that place.

That being said I have seen some people stop drinking and stay stopped through religion, or just plain stubbornness, or some other method. I don't begrudge anybody for not drinking no matter how they go about it.

onlythetruth

I did hear, during the time I was going to AA meetings, a whole bunch of horror stories about catastrophic results when people stop going to meetings. Maybe that's true for some, but it certainly hasn't been the case with me.

Like several others who have commented here, my decision to abstain from alcohol is unconditional. It doesn't matter how meetings I go to, it doesn't require me to attend a specific recovery program, and it doesn't matter if I'm happy, sad, scared, lonely, tired, or hungry. I don't drink, period, and haven't for nearly 14 years.

awuh1

I go to meetings because I want to, not because I need to. I don’t go out of fear as was implied by someone in a post above. When I hear someone say that they stopped going to meetings and began to drink, that typically means they completely stopped going to meetings (for many months or years).

Yes it’s true that some stop going to meetings altogether and never drink. You hear of them sometimes. Some stop going to meetings and die of their drinking. You hear of them sometimes also.

Occasionally you hear people say that they came back to meetings after being away, and sober, for many years. They typically say they missed something that is found in AA meetings which is quite difficult to find anywhere else. It’s a quality of honesty that’s not often found in the day to day world. Paradoxically it’s a sort of strength found in the expression of a shared vulnerability.

sugarbear1

Meetings didn't get me sober and meetings don't keep me sober.

"No human power could have relieved our alcoholism"
BB-First Edition

My sponsors remind me of this regularly. The steps helped me to have a spiritual experience, they help me deal with daily life. Step 11 keeps me in fit spiritual condition as I continuously work on a conscious contact with my higher power. I can't share something I haven't got, so I meet my commitment to a set number of meetings per week for now. I watch my motive for when I am at a meeting and I make sure I have fellowship outside of meetings. Learning to balance everything takes a while. Changing old habits takes a while, too, at least for "this alcoholic."

Each person's sober journey is personal. How beautiful is that!?!

FlyerFan

I know some people who are sober many years and they do not go, or not as often, but for most people meetings are a must, no matter how many years. I heard someone say just last week that no matter how many years sober you have, we are all just as close to taking that drink.

stugotz

Meetings only keep you sober for an hour. What works for the other 23 is "Practicing the Principles in All Our Affairs" Just sayin...

Boleo

Same here. What got me sober and keeps me sober is practicing spiritual principles like; humility, detachment and benevolence.

Meetings can serve as a venue for this. However, meetings are not the only way to practice them. I can simply "practice these principles in all my affairs."

sugarbear1

For what it's worth, I have been to different meetings and I see many people getting to many meetings. I don't know if they go for fellowship (to hang out with friends) or to carry a message to the newcomer, or to avoid real life. I'd ask, but honestly, it's none of my business.

Some people do this as this IS their life. My friend with almost 20 years goes to 1-2 meetings a day. Of course, she's not yet working and is not yet seeking employment, lost her home to foreclosure, but is certain her higher power is caring for her (and probably is, but geez, can ya look around and see what you are doing to yourself?).

I have heard one woman talk about how her husband and 6 year old wake up crabby every Saturday and then she says "I need my meeting." What I hear is "I prefer my friends in the fellowship over my family and I haven't really worked the steps, I don't really meditate, and when I pray it's for selfish things instead of how I can be useful to my higher power. My family notices this, but I tell them without a meeting I might drink. Maybe I'm the one judging her too harshly? Maybe she isn't seeing what I see? I didn't get sober to live in meetings. Sorry. I've done that in my past, but that was when I hadn't worked the steps at all, so I couldn't work them into a "real life" outside and inside the rooms of AA.

Unless we talk directly with these "I need a meeting" people, we won't know.

The people I stick with were once homeless or close to it and are now employed in well paying jobs, attend religious services, volunteer their time with organizations, sit on committess or boards, attend meetings, have sponsees/sponsors, enjoy fellowship outside of meetings, and basically live a well rounded life; they never say "I need a meeting." They are truly humble, you'll never hear them gloating about what they've accomplished, the do speak about being useful to others. They don't boast about what they own, how much they make, or how many people they help. Okay, they are human and sometimes they are really amazed at what was accomplished, but it's said with gratitude. Yes, these are the people I am sticking with.

If we don't ask, we won't know what others' motives are. Maybe I will ask a few people about why they attend so many meetings......

Db1105

I've been sober in AA for 34 years and like others have said, my meeting attendance have changed over the years. The first six months I went to several a day, of course no drinking and going to meetings was the only thing in my life. Then I got a job and worked on getting a GED so I went to one meeting a day.

After a little over 2 years I got into college so I'd miss a meeting here or there. About 78 years sober with a career and a wife, it was a couple a week. With 14 years sober and a new baby added to the mix, I could only get to my home group once a week, but not always. It's still that way, but my youngest graduates High School this weekend.

It was the 12 steps that got me and keep me sober. The meetings are just part of the support of working them, and to helping those still suffering. There is a big wide world outside of the AA meeting rooms. I consider it my duty to live life to the fullest with my sober life. I just go with the flow of life. I believe it was more important at the time to read to my children and tuck them in bed, attend school or social events, or just hang out or have fun than to be at a meeting every night. The challenge was finding a balance and schedule that I felt comfortable with.

I know a lot of people who got sober and seem to be doing well. Personally, I owe AA my life and getting to one or two meetings a week is no big deal for the gifts I've received. I occasionally jump back into service work having just rotated out of being my HG's Intergroup rep. I've also been involved in the community. I got sober to live life, not to live in AA.

soberlicious

SB this jumped out at me from your post. I've seen this too...and to be honest I think using the program/fellowship to avoid one's family is not cool. I read and hear all the time this "hands off my recovery" stuff and it bothers me. To a child...whether a parent is habitually absent because they are out drinking or habitually absent because they are at meetings all the time, they are still habitually absent. For families, sometimes it feels the same.

Uninvited

Thanks all. This drew more of a response than I expected. You raised many good points.

onlythetruth

There was someone over on the F&F forum expressing sorrow that her husband, although he is sober, is still selfish and self-centered. She said she thought it meant that he wasn't working hard enough on his recovery....but it could also be that he was, in a way, working TOO hard on it.

To me it seems that emotional health (and isn't that really our goal?) means balance, which means that sometimes, there really ARE more important things to do than go to a recovery meeting.